The Fake Boyfriend

We all know how it goes.
Generally, if you're a girl, you're going to get hit on on a night out.

Sometimes, that's wanted attention.
Sometimes, it isn't.

For me, the attention I got the other night was not wanted.
My girlfriend was out to 'pull' but I wasn't and I was trying very hard to be a good 'wingwoman'. It worked but, unfortunately, some of the guys she was with had friends who grabbed me and tried to dance with me.

Now, I love dancing. When it comes to that, I'm as game as Ellen and I don't need a partner to get crazy like Taylor Swift does at award shows. ('I'm dancing on my own. Make the moves up as I go')
But I don't love it when guys grab me and dance with me when I make it clear I'm not interested.
So I did what any rationally thinking 20 year old does to make it clear to the guy and told them I had a boyfriend.
That should be enough, right?
If a guy I started dancing with told me he had a girlfriend, I'd nod and say 'sorry' and dance in the opposite direction.
These guys? Nope. They didn't care. One of them told me I was 'gorgeous' so I thanked him but he was still dancing close against me so I repeated the 'boyfriend' thing and he just laughed and said 'let yourself go'. I did not want to do that so I gave my friend the warning glance and we danced away to a different part of the club.
When our guy friends got back, I almost pounced on them; I was that relieved.
One of them was also 'on the pull' so I asked the one non-single guy if he'd do me a favour and pretend to be my boyfriend. He laughed and asked which guy was a creep so I simply said 'all of them'.
One guy was nice though. He started dancing near me and I told him I had a boyfriend and hugged my friend and he shook his hand!
Like, actually shook his hand!
I'm not gonna lie. That made me feel kinda good inside and my friend said it was a good gesture.

Anyway, this is actually an issue.
You see, this may be a casual story about a night out but the problem with it is that I shouldn't have had to think of an excuse in the first place. If I don't want to dance with someone, that should be enough of a reason. I shouldn't have to say the word 'boyfriend' fifty times until I can get away from them for it to be realized that I'm not interested.

I'm not saying I was really angry about it but it's frustrating that girls and women have to make up an excuse while guys just don't dance with the girl.

Maybe it was just that club. Maybe it was the fact that it was a Tuesday.
I don't know.
But it shouldn't be an issue in 2016. Have we not come further than that?

At the end of the day, it didn't ruin my night and I still had fun with my friends.

It's just food for thought, you know?

Jessica
xoxo

#WeStandWithZoe

So, apparently, some people have forgotten that women are no longer expected to go to such extremes as hiding their ankles (Looking at you, Victorian Britain!). 

The hashtag above has been trending for the past few hours and it's infuriating. 

Earlier today, The Sun and The Daily Mail published articles about how lifestyle vlogger, beauty queen and all-around incredible person Zoella (Zoe Sugg) had 'shed her wholesome image' after posting a photo of herself in her underwear.

Firstly, it's hardly a racy photo. Most of her body is covered and she's wearing a T-Shirt. 

Secondly, how f*cking dare they. 

Who are they to be telling a 25 year old woman that she isn't allowed to feel comfortable or proud of her own body? 

She's a gorgeous, talented, successful woman. 

She may have young fans but Justin Bieber has young fans and you don't see the media shaming him after every naked Instagram post. 

I can't believe I live in a time where women are still shamed because of their bodies and men are praised for it. 

I'll leave you with a final photo. 

Goodnight!

Jessica

xoxo

When Heartless People Have A Voice

Today, I was scrolling along Facebook when a post from one of my family members caught my eye.
She was ranting about refugees and, after reading it and the comments, I felt like I wanted to be sick.
How can people be so cruel?

"Amazing how it's right for the council to bring in 16 refugees family give them new houses plus cars and £64 a day and people in dundee living on poverty is thus a piss take or what I work my Fecking arse off can hardly afford my Fecking bus fare to work seek of this"

Everywhere in the world. people are struggling.
Many refugees are left with no choice but to leave their countries without any personal longings - risking death on the way to whatever country they can get to because their home is more dangerous than anything we can hit them with.


I'm sure we've all seen the images.
Children covered in dirt and adults so gaunt you can almost see through them.
And that's just images.
What about the videos, the films of children getting gassed or the bodies laying on dirt...

How could people be so heartless?

I'm aware that a great deal of my family in Dundee don't like people like me. Or maybe it's just me. I can feel it every time I see them. The kids are fine and I adore my younger cousin who I meet up with regularly. But the adults? I would never wish them any harm and I don't want to bad-mouth them but I've never been good with understanding how any one person could have no empathy whatsoever.
That post broke my heart along with erasing any respect I had for her.
She's a mother yet she shows no empathy or emotion but anger towards parents who are trying to do the same thing? Sure, there are people living in poverty in Dundee but their lives aren't nearly as threatened as those who risk death themselves to save their children from a painful death in their home countries.

This was my response to her vile status and the disgusting comments of agreement:

"These refugees are in desperate need of help. Their countries are not safe and they need to move to the UK and other places. 

According to ISIS, Syrian Muslim refugees (as an example) are traitors to the radical Islamic cause. “It is correct for Muslims to leave the lands of the infidel for the lands of Islam, but not vice versa,” one ISIS video said in September. Here are several other examples of similar condemnation from this year. Nearly 90 percent of displaced Syrians in Turkey have no sympathy for ISIS at all, even though ISIS is fighting the person, Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad, who most refugees see as their main enemy. Kurdish and Christian refugees see ISIS as their main foe. Turning away Syrian refugees plays into ISIS’s hands. 

I am 100% sure you will think me young and foolish and naive but we need to be kind and as welcoming as possible to refugees. The fault of one is not the fault of the many and it's heartbreaking to see so much hatred on this post when they are seeking help in the worst of times. 

If you were a refugee, would you not want help and support?"

And, because I know exactly what the majority of my family think of me, I did my research beforehand to get that statement in the middle.

I don't think I will ever understand why or how any person could wish hatred and cruelty on another and I know it has put a black mark on her name for me from now on because I cannot respect or condone any aggressively nasty person.
I would usually finish a post like this wishing that she will find the goodness in her heart to understand where I'm coming from but I don't think that'll happen. I doubt she'll even read my comment to be completely honest.
What I will say is that it is not naive to be kind and hopeful that others will share your compassion.
I'm going to leave this post with a link to how us Brits can help refugees.
And my prayers are with all those in Brussels who have been affected by this senseless tragedy.

Jessica
xoxo

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/5-practical-ways-you-can-help-refugees-trying-to-find-safety-in-europe-10482902.html

One Year Without Glee

Now, I'm not talking about the literal 'glee' as in the emotion.
I'm talking about the television show.

Glee ran for six years on the network Fox and, in that time, it had significant highs and lows that remind me of a relationship that starts out amazing but, ultimately, ends in heartbreak and tears.
Described as a 'comedy', Glee started out that way with hilarious characters and crazy storylines.
I'm pretty sure I heard it described as 'High School Musical' as a TV show at one point.

The first episode aired on May 19th 2009 in America.
I, however, did not see it for almost eight months later.

Glee began airing in the UK on Monday 11th January 2010 and its first episode drew 1.3 million viewers to the channel E4.
I actually remember watching it very clearly. I had just turned 14 the week before and I'd been hearing about this new show about teenagers in high school who worked all their problems out through singing and it had been advertised on TV for weeks before. The pilot is funny to watch now. It really was a show founded in comedy and the fact that nothing similar had ever been done in terms of a television programme with singing and dancing every week really helped increase the show's popularity.
It also touched on important issues such as bullying, homophobia, eating disorders, transexuality and its overall message was that you are perfect, just as you are.

I think that's one of the largest reasons as to why it became the phenomenon it did in its early years.
Glee was for all the nerds, losers, wannabe's, dreamers, outcasts. It didn't matter if you were overweight, slim, weird, loud, struggling... Whoever you were, you could lose yourself in a forty minute episode of Glee and the world was a little easier to deal with for a while.

Personally. I was a struggling kid. I never showed it and I still rarely do now (my grandmother's a big believer in putting on a brave face whatever things are going on inside your head) but, for each forty minute episode, I could sing my heart out.
It helped. The Glee fandom, when I eventually found it on tumblr, was welcoming and a happy. safe place.
You could be whoever you wanted in that fandom and it didn't matter because they accepted you.
It even had a live tour!
I was 15 and didn't know anyone who liked Glee so I couldn't go but I bought the DVD when it came out.
Seeing your favourite actors sing your favourite hits of the show was incredible and I still lose myself whenever I watch that DVD.

By this point, the show was starting its third season in the fall and my favourite character had moved on from being Rachel Berry to Blaine Anderson.

Darren Criss auditioned for the show three times and it was third time lucky for the future Warbler.
With a dapper haircut and a uniquely brilliant audition, Blaine Anderson was born.
Darren was given a six-episode arc as Kurt Hummel's (a fan-favourite gay character played by Chris Colfer, now a famous childrens' author) mentor.
Blaine was a proud, gay, preppy teenage boy at a private all-boys school in Westerville, Ohio and everyone fell for his prince-like good looks and charming personality. If that wasn't enough, he sang like a dream and had a pure heart which was shown when he, fearlessly, defended Kurt against school bully Dave Karofsky who ended up sexually assaulting Kurt with a kiss in the locker room due to his own closeted homosexuality and, general, asshole demeanor.
Blaine, and Darren, quickly became a beloved character and he was promoted to season regular within a matter of episodes. His first song on the show, 'Teenage Dream' actually got to number 1 on the Billboard Top 100. That's higher than Katy Perry's version and higher than any other Glee song ever got ('Don't Stop Believing' got to number 2, I believe).
With the overwhelming success of Blaine and the Dalton Academy Warblers, Ryan was quick to capitalize on them and they brought out their own album and were invited to accompany the New Directions on the Glee Live Tour in 2011.
The young love between Kurt and Blaine (Klaine) was even voted the Greatest TV Couple of All Time in 2013.
Since then, the Klaine fandom has hardly diminished.
Klaine will, forever, be my favourite television couple.
Not because they were a gay couple or because they were played by gorgeous, talented actors (both true points) but because the love between them was so real and selfless.
Throughout the years, the writers put them (and us Klaine fans) through everything from an awful breakup that we still think was the biggest waste of time the show ever did (minus the second one in season 6) because it made no sense to their wedding day in the final season.
We saw them grow and change and learn from each other in every conceivable way and it was a beautiful relationship.
Darren and Chris were the perfect people to play the characters and, while speculation about their real-life relationship status flittered over them throughout the years, you couldn't deny their chemistry on and off screen was enviable.

But I didn't write this because I love Darren, Chris and Klaine.

Last year, the final episode of Glee aired and I was in tears the Saturday morning afterwards as I watched it. I even took the next week off of work so I would have time to grieve properly (I also needed a break. Working at that place was not fun 90% of the time).

The thing is that (and I know every popular kid at my high school would mock me for this even now), Glee ending was like saying 'Goodbye' to my younger self.
I know that doesn't make much sense but I first started watching Glee when I was a weird, 14 year old kid who just wanted to sing and make people happy and it was ending when I was a 19 year old teenager who had no idea where her life was going or what she wanted to do.
I felt sad because I was going to miss seeing Blaine every week and even secondary characters I hadn't originally loved but grew to in the end but I also felt sad that I hadn't done anything my younger self had dreamed of.
She wanted to move out at 17, after high school, go to college and university and make something of her life but, due to a difficult couple of years at the end of high school, I hadn't gotten the grades necessary so I wasn't there. She wanted to move far away and start fresh. I still haven't done that.
So I was hit with a thousand emotions at once.

Glee wasn't perfect and it deteriorated in terms of the writing and the outlandish storylines that each actor took to with grace and as much professionalism as possible but its overall message still remains:

"Being a part of something special doesn't make you special; something is special because you are a part of it."

You choose your own path - everyone else's opinions don't choose it for you.

I couldn't finish this post without mentioning Cory.

Cory Monteith played Finn Hudson for four season of Glee but he, sadly, passed away on Saturday July 13th 2013.
He struggled with addiction since the age of 19 and, despite his hardest efforts, our hero wasn't strong enough to defeat these demons.

We had him for four years and, in that time, he warmed every single person whose life he touched's heart.
Cory was a brave man who raised awareness for charities close to his heart, was kind to every fan he met and loved with his entire soul.
My admiration and respect for this man will never be diminished and he lives on in all of our hearts.

So this year without Glee has been an interesting one.
Many of the people in the fandom have moved on to other shows (I'm obsessed with How To Get Away With Murder and two superhero shows which star former Glee actors Melissa Benoist (Marley Rose in Glee) and Grant Gustin (Sebastian Smythe in Glee) in Supergirl and The Flash)) and passions.
I have two close friends out of this fandom and the Glee world is something I will always treasure as it reminds me of the girl I used to be once upon a time.

Whatever your opinion of the show now and what it became, you can't deny that it helped a lot of people with self-acceptance and learning to chase their dreams.

So thank you for your legacy, Glee.
Thank you for inspiring me.
And thank you for showing that being a 'loser' isn't a bad thing.

Jessica
xoxo

The Hardest Word

No, I'm not talking about 'sorry'; I'm talking about 'goodbye'.
It's such a final word, you know?
It's an ending, a word that doesn't offer an opening. It's closing a door that will never be opened again.
At least, it is for me.

I'm an endless trier though. Giving up on friendships, especially, isn't something I take lightly.
Unfortunately, it can't be prevented if the other person in the friendship stops trying.

For any relationship to work, it takes both people to be active participants. Both of you talk, text, tweet, share stories, meet up, etcetera. Even if it's just a few times a month.
I, for example, have two friends who live abroad and we Skype every few weeks and talk on Facebook a few times a month. Sometimes, it isn't more than once in a month because it depends on our schedules but they're still two of my closest friends.
I have another friend who lives in Edinburgh, like me (obviously), and we barely see each other but we both have Snapchat and talk every once in a while. When we see each other though, it's like no time has passed and she's like a sister to me (singing, dancing, acting and CHICKEN forever! (Private joke ;)).
But there goes my point - you can't have a friendship when you don't talk to someone.

One of my best friends and I are going through this right now.
I don't know how it started but our relationship has phased out gradually.
I know it happens but I never expected it to happen to us, you know?
Maybe it was naive of me but I always expected her to be there. We were going to dance at each other's weddings and tell embarrassing stories about each other to our spouses and children.

So I'm left with a burning question: Where did we go wrong?
As I said before, relationships take commitment. You both have to make an effort for it to work and, if you're not talking to each other at all, it's not going to last.
We, gradually, stopped talking to each other late last year and it's just never been the same. We did talk. In November. We had a good conversation on Facebook and we even had a night out together when our mutual friend couldn't make it at the last minute.
It was good to spend time with her. I was particularly fragile after having a hard month due to something I wrote about previously so I enjoyed the chance to let my hair down (metaphorically. It's always down) and have fun. I even met a guy who knew people I went to school with who was really interesting on my way home. It was a good night.
Afterwards though...
I don't know. We went weeks without talking until we exchanged messages over Christmas. She apologised for not talking to me more and I was just thrilled to hear from her. I mentioned seeing her at my birthday but she never replied.
Then we saw each other at New Year. I had no idea we would be getting together but our friend suggested we all went out so we did.
I didn't talk to her until that night and, while we were out, it was like nothing had changed.
But I felt a shift.
My birthday was mentioned and she had no idea anything was happening, despite it being on Facebook and me mentioning it previously.
I mean, my friend who lives in Edinburgh and who I barely talk to but love unconditionally kept my birthday free in case I was doing something - despite nothing being planned at first.
(She ended up taking me out for a delicious dinner on my birthday and it was perfect and sweet and I had a great day)
Maybe it was accidental but I didn't keep my hopes up for seeing her.
On my birthday, my friend and I both got the same message. She'd been asked to work later than originally planned and wouldn't be able to make it.
I'll admit that I felt cheated. I used to visit her all the time when she first moved and we've grown up together. 17 years and now we never talk... It doesn't seem fair and I didn't understand why she couldn't have told her boss she couldn't work later because it was her friends' birthday. The screenshot of her phone showed she was asked - it wasn't a demand.
I'm not saying everyone can get out of shifts but not trying at all made me feel like I didn't mean anything to her.
I let it go and enjoyed my time with the friends who could make it but it felt like an extra step in the path towards the end of our friendship.
I never replied to her Facebook messages after that and she never made any efforts to talk to me so I let it go.
Until my best friend told me she hadn't shown up to said best friend's birthday a few days earlier because she 'hadn't talked to me in a while, didn't know anyone going and didn't want it to be awkward'.
I have several issues with this:

1. It wasn't about her, it was for our best friend and you go regardless
2. She knows me better than to think I would be anything but kind and friendly to her
3. She told our friend she would be there an hour before the party so deciding not to come in the end without telling her wasn't very nice

I don't know if it sounds petty but it felt like a pretty lame excuse. If you can't come, don't come but don't blame someone else for something when you know they're not like you're insinuating.

Anyway, it made me miss her. So I called her at 1AM after seeing Jedward (they were awesome) at midnight on Wednesday/Thursday. She didn't answer but I wasn't surprised because most people are sleeping at that time of the morning on a weeknight but I called her the next day and there was nothing either. I decided to send her a message asking her to call me when she could. I even added a happy emoji to show her it wasn't anything bad.
So I waited a day and there was no response - despite Messenger saying she'd been online a lot.
After waiting a day, I sent her a follow-up message: 

"Okay... Well, it keeps saying you're active but you never reply so here goes. I've known you all my life. Literally. 17 years is more than three quarters of it. I love you. I miss you. And I hate that we don't talk anymore. I don't know how or why it happened but it's been less and less and I hate it. You're family and I love you so much. I'm sorry I didn't reply after my birthday. I was upset you didn't come and I missed you and then it was days that I hadn't replied and... It spiraled. I miss the fact you're so incredibly Scottish and proud and how you have a different opinion to me on most things. I miss hearing about what you're up to and I hate the fact that I couldn't tell you anything you've been up to in these last few months and you couldn't tell me the same about me. I hope you're okay. I hope you're happy and living your best life. This is the hard part though because we have two choices. We can either fix our communication problems and be friends or we can keep not-talking and move on from this friendship.I'm not saying that like I want us to never speak again but it's the unfortunate reality. Just know that you're always going to mean something to me and I love you no matter what happens. But you can't be friends with someone you don't talk to. All my love and good wishes, Jess xoxo"

That's it. That's the full message.
I'm writing this post at 10PM on Friday night. If she hasn't responded by this time tomorrow, I'm going to post it with the ending to that story.

I hope she does and that we can work through our issues but, if she doesn't, I'm glad I can say that I did everything I possibly could to try and mend our broken friendship.

Jessica
xoxo

Saturday, 11:19pm

Well, it's been 25 hours and she hasn't read the message.
A year ago, I probably would have suggested she hadn't seen it or had been busy or something but... Messenger tells me she was active four hours ago.
Three days, two phone calls, one important message.

The hardest part of all of this is knowing that I couldn't save us. She ruined this. I tried and never gave up but I, obviously, don't mean as much to her as she once meant to me.

I'm not trying to play the Blame Game here.
I'm not angry at her.
It's just upsetting.

I think I've said before that friendships ending can often be like relationships ending. You spend time with this person, growing together, learning each other and making memories. All for it to be over so quickly that you need a minute to process what's happened.

So it comes back to that word.

This is all I have to say to her now:

Goodbye. Thank you for 17 years of friendship. I'm sorry I couldn't save us but I hope you find happiness with whatever you do in life.
But I'm done. I can't keep playing this game with you where I pretend we're fine and you haven't hurt me and you refuse to tell me why you decided I wasn't someone you wanted in your life after almost 20 years.
I once told you that the only reason I would give up on a person completely were if we didn't love each other anymore.
You don't ignore people you love.
I've made mistakes in friendships. I've hurt people and I'm not trying to say I'm perfect with this post.
One thing I will say about those times though is that I was younger and foolish. I learnt from my mistakes and I tried really hard not to give up on you.
What I didn't realise though, is that you'd already given up on me.
So have a great life. I truly mean that.
Goodbye, for the last time.
Jessica.

Breastfeeding

Another day, another Buzzfeed article to comment on...
This time, one of my favourite celebrity chefs has come under scrutiny for telling women they should breastfeed.

When I first saw the title of the article, I will admit that I slightly rolled my eyes.
I thought 'Seriously? He's promoting breastfeeding in a positive way. Why are people getting so upset?'. After reading though, I realized that it's more than that.
Women aren't upset that it's another male voice preaching about what women should and shouldn't do - they're upset because it puts added pressure on mothers who are unable to breastfeed.
Of course, the health benefits of breastfeeding are well documented and everyone's aware of how good it is for your baby but many women can't breastfeed for medical reasons (mastitis and cracked nipples making it too painful) or their babies won't latch on. These physical difficulties often lead to mothers feeling like they're not good enough and getting incredibly distressed. The emotional implications of preaching about how good it is to breastfeed leaves mothers who can't or choose not to feeling like failures as parents.
I agree that we should promote breastfeeding and healthy attitudes about those who choose to do so in public but there also needs to be more support available for those who can't breastfeed or choose not to.

The biggest feeling I was left with after reading the Buzzfeed article was sorrow.
I'm not a mother myself but it's one of my greatest dreams to be one in the future and I feel awful for anyone who is made to feel like they're not an incredible mother just because they are unable to breastfeed or do not wish to.
My own mother had great difficulties with breastfeeding me and I was admitted into hospital when I was only a few weeks old because I wasn't eating anything.
That, paired with the fact that she had undiagnosed postnatal depression led to her feeling like a failure.
Okay, this was 20 years ago and the 90's but I can't believe we haven't progressed since then.
Why aren't women getting more support from doctors and experts about this? Why are women feeling like failures?
I'd like to think that, by the time I get around to having my own children, my ability to breastfeed will not leave me feeling like a bad mother. If I can't continue, even after months of trying, because I have cracked and bleeding nipples and it's too painful then I hope to God that there's someone I will be able to talk to who ensures me that my ability to be a great mother is not based on my ability to breastfeed.

If you love and care for your child, bathe them, clothe them, take care of them to the best of your ability and are trying your best, YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER! 
Don't let anyone tell you you are a bad parent when you're trying your best.
I'm not a mother yet but parenting is hard work and everyone who is doing the best job they can without asking for anything back is an amazing parent in my eyes and deserves a reward.
You're doing okay, mums. I promise.

I'll finish this with my original comment on the article and a link to it.

"Women should breastfeed if they can or if they want to. It's great to breastfeed and the benefits are overwhelming but nothing bad is going to happen to your child if you choose not to. Let's promote healthy opinions about breastfeeding instead of dictating what should and shouldn't be done."

http://www.buzzfeed.com/laurasilver/women-are-pissed-off-at-jamie-oliver-for-telling-them-they-s?bffbuk&utm_term=.dq3wx81kj#.ekRn73WAR  

Jessica
xoxo

What Women Want

Today, I went on Facebook and an article immediately caught my eye.

To be fair, this happens a lot with me. Especially with Buzzfeed... I may have an addiction. I'm on my Buzzfeed app faster than I'm replying to texts in the morning. I love their writers, staff and general ease you feel when you read one of their articles. Much like I'm coming to fall in love with HelloGiggles.
This particular article felt like it needed to be written about. By me. In my own words.
It helps with my procrastination anyway. I was attempting to write a song...
In this article, a girl at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces found a strange note by an unidentified, male student at her college posted in her dorm on January 29th this year.
The note states: 

"OK, ladies. 

I get it.You don’t want a pleasant evening chat.You don’t want a gentleman to walk you to your car.You don’t want a friendly dude to help you carry your groceries… or hold open the door… or crush the life out of other men that would do you harm.Fine - fear the good guys… I guess we’ll have to just suffer through watching you get broken over and over by the scum you think you love.But I want you to know – it’s not easy and it hurts to see you fall.

Give the good guys a chance to help you be less afraid of the world."

The note comes across extremely creepy and I had to comment on Facebook the second I saw it.

'I think there should be a balance between both. You should be a 'nice', good person because people deserve good people and they're one in a million. The thing that the not-so-nice person who wrote this isn't understanding is that chivalry and protection is what some women want but not all. Women want different things. I roll my eyes at super coupley things like some of the posts people who have been dating for five minutes share on Facebook or putting a love lock on a bridge in Paris because you think it has any direct correlation with how long your relationship will last BUT a lot of people find that stuff adorable and love it. Not every women likes chivalry and men holding doors open for them just like not every guy likes women who don't wear much makeup - it's human nature. This man, clearly, hasn't grasped the concept of what it means to actually be a 'nice' guy.'

It's not easy to watch people you love or care about being hurt by the same kind of people but you should do something about it rather than complaining they're going after the wrong guys and should be dating you.
A lot of the other comments were angry because of the strong sense of entitlement the note is drenched in but I was more frustrated by the idea that nice guys are easy to find and that us women are deliberately falling for people who end up hurting.
Another point is that it takes more to being a good guy than holding doors open for women and walking them to their cars at night.
To be a good person, you actually have to work hard to maintain a good attitude and loving nature.
Plus, my point in that comment is that NOT ALL PEOPLE WANT A NICE GUY/GIRL.
Now, I put that, as Judge Rinder says, in big because it's important.
No matter what else the guy's saying or how creepy it comes across, he doesn't seem to understand the idea that no one wants the same thing.
I have friends who meet guys on tinder and have relationships and I have friends who would never date a guy they met online.
Much like the way no one has an identically decorated home, no one has the same type.
My type, in terms of personality, remains the same as it's always been. You know: loyal, caring, humorous, slightly chivalrous, strong (mentally and physically). Though, my recent experience with that guy I've been hung up on for months actually taught me a lot more about myself than I ever expected. I know now that I want a man who can turn me on - both sensually and intellectually - and that he needs to be able to 'take the mick' out of me because I do that to people and I find it playful.
All that being said, you could ask Sarah (made up name on the spot) what her type is and she could say she wants a serious guy who's not chivalrous at all and doesn't find bad jokes hilarious (like I do).
If you've managed to persevere reading all of that, I commend you.
Here's my final point on it; if you want to be a good guy, BE A GOOD GUY but don't expect all women to fall at your feet like you're Gerard Butler, Daniel Craig or Darren Criss (the last one's a personal favourite). The second you start expecting things from people is the second your 'trying to be a nice guy' comes across as an act rather than a genuinely nice thing.
Not all women want a good, nice guy. Not all men want a good girl.
No two people are going to have the same exact type all of the time so consider this before making anymore declarations. 

And, to all the genuinely nice guys out there, thank you for being kind and gracious and respectful. 

Three of my best friends are guys and I couldn't love them more if I tried.
Jessica
xoxo

Who Run The World?

Definitely not girls. 

Yet. 

It's International Women's Day across the world! 

How could I not write about this? 

In a world where people do work on their phones and send it in while on the train to their office and teenagers become famous by uploading videos to YouTube, it's amazing to see how far we, as humans, have come. 

Technology is, in my mind, one of the biggest areas in terms of visibly seeing our affect on the world. 

If you don't count global warming, that is. 

Which a lot of people don't. 

But that isn't my point. 

This post is about women's rights. 

Which brings me back to technology. 

As amazing as it is to see how far we've come in that regard, it's disappointing to think that we still live in a world where a woman is questioned for running for President because she's a grandmother. How will she govern? How will she make fair decisions for America when she has a grandchild? 

Let's forget her decades of work in politics or her educational background or her years of experience as First Lady and, instead, focus on the fact that she's a grandmother. 

The thing is, as far as we've come in these last few years in so many different areas, we've not progressed very far in terms of equality. 

Women still don't make as much as men for the same jobs and we are constantly being criticized on so many different levels. 

And I'm not just talking about by political leaders or people of power. 

Women get picked on, by other women, for going to work when they have kids or choosing a career over family but we also get bullied for not going to work when we have children or working from home when we have a family. 

It doesn't matter what you do as a woman because you'll get criticized. 

Now, I'm not blaming any one person or group of individuals - as much as I would love to blame Donald Trump for every injustice in the world and have him sent to Azkaban for all of eternity - for all of this because it's not the fault of any one person; it's women. 

Women are a huge part of the problem and a lot of people are too scared to admit that. 

We want rights and we deserve them but we need to change our own attitudes and perceptions first. 

Let's stop hating on women for not doing what we think they should and support women for whatever it is they choose to do. 

You don't want kids? Don't have them. 

Want to stay at home with your children and be there full-time for them? Awesome! Let's support that! 

Whatever you choose to do as a woman, let's applaud that! 

You don't need to be compared to anyone else and you are not someone else's opinion of you. 

This goes for overweight women, slimmer women, girly women and tomboys. 

Because every woman has been judged for some aspect of themselves. 

As Emma Watson has said: 

"I don't want other people to decide who I am; I want to decide that for myself."

Let's give women the power to decide who we are for ourselves and be proud of each and every one of our individualities because every person in this world is worth something. 

Every person. 

Hillary is just one example of why we still need to go a long way in terms of women's equality and feminism but we are making progress. 

This has been a long time coming and I'm not saying we haven't made any progress because we have and that's important to note. 

So have fun celebrating women today and let's continue to teach ourselves and every woman we know to support other women. 

Jessica

xoxo

This Love Is Good

When I got onto Facebook this morning, one of the first things to catch my eye in the 'Trending' part on the right side of the screen was 'Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift'. 

As a huge 'Swiftie', my eyes were drawn to it and I clicked the blue letters instantly. 

So many articles have already been written in the last few hours about it. 

The 'news' is that Calvin and Taylor celebrated their first anniversary on Sunday. 

Some are skeptical and mocking of Taylor but the ones I've read were filled with words like 'adorable' and 'sweet'.

I, for one, am so incredibly happy for them. 

The couple met at last year's Brit awards in February and managed to keep their new relationship private for two months before the rumor mill started turning in May. 

Since then, they have proven themselves to be a supportive power-couple; with Taylor frequently showing up at Calvin's gigs and Calvin accompanying Taylor to award shows, looking proud in the audience at her concerts and tweeting/instagramming his support for her several times.

Calvin Harris is a huge component in why Taylor has been so happy and empowered recently. It makes my heart happy - that sounds cheesy as Hell, I'm aware! - to know she's in a positive, loving relationship with a man who shows nothing but respect and adoration for her. 

What we can't forget is that another large part of Taylor's happiness is down to her fans, family and close friends. 

She has inspired me, and so many other women, to find friends who are positive influences in our lives. Strong, confident, intelligent, womderful women who inspire me to be better every day - just by being their friend.

Will this be Taylor's everlasting love? 

I don't know. 

One thing I do know is that Taylor is happy and in love and still continuing to be a better person than most of us could ever dream to be on a daily basis. 

Congratulations on one year, Calvin and Taylor! 

May it be the first of many.

Jessica

xoxo

P.S. That necklace is gorgeous. I definitely wouldn't mind one similar if I ever make it to a year with someone other than a girlfriend...

Happy Mother's Day!

It's Mother's Day here in the UK. 

A day that is, traditionally, spent celebrating the woman who brought you into this world - your mum.

Or, you know, a Hallmark Holiday invented by card businesses to capitalise on the public's love of celebrating. 

While I'm all for appreciating your mother, I don't think it should be all about that one person because, for many, it isn't. 

I was raised by my grandmother and my aunt continues to guide me through life with her never-ending mum-isms. 

My mum has always been around and she is a trier, you know? She tries her best. 

But we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and that's neither of our faults. 

I still love her though. Unconditionally. 

A lot of people don't have Hallmark relationships with their parents. I use that term because so many cards are filled with loving poems about mothers and not all of them apply to everyone. 

It's for this reason that I'm taking the time to spend my hungover (more on that later) Mother's Day feeling grateful for the woman who made me me. 

Mother's Day isn't just about the woman who brought you into this world, it's about the women who bring you up. So Happy Mother's Day to all the women who raise daughters they didn't give birth to and who teach us to be strong, brave and who always believe in us when we don't believe in ourselves! 

Jessica

xoxo

Finding Dory

It's finally here!

The trailer for 'Finding Dory' has been here for a few days and I know I'm a little late to the party but I just saw it and I'm so excited!!! 

I saw 'Finding Nemo' when it came out in theatres in 2003. My gran took me, like she took me everywhere back then, and I fell in love with the story of the fish who needed to find his way home to his dad. 

His journey home is filled with unexpected obstacles and moments of self-discovery. It was as adorable as it was endearing. 

My heart melted as his dad struggled to find his only child. I'm pretty sure the reason I cared so deeply was because of the tragic opening that hit you with loss and heartache before you could dig into your popcorn. 

'Finding Dory' sets to be another tempestuous tale of self discovery. This time, it's Dory who's in the limelight. A secondary character to Nemo's dad Marlin in the first movie. 

Now, almost a decade and a half later, it's Dory's turn to shine. 

In her search for her family, Dory will encounter old friends and unfamiliar faces. 

And, of course, I couldn't end this thing (whatever it is) without mentioning the woman behind the fish - Ellen DeGeneres. 

Since the success of 'Finding Nemo', DeGeneres has made her name with a talk show on NBC. 'The Ellen Show' began airing on Monday September 8th 2003 - a mere month before 'Finding Nemo' hit theatres in October of that same year. 

Ellen, a comedian/actress, is one of the world's favourite people and her celebrity status will no doubt help with the movie's success - not that it needs any help. 

I can't wait to see the comedic genius that will be 'Finding Dory'. 

Just like the rest of the world.

Jessica

xoxo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JNLwlcPBPI

Closure

In life, sometimes, you have to bite the metaphorical bullet and do the hard thing. The one you've been putting off for so long that you can no longer remember all of the reasons you didn't do it right away in the first place. 

I put my skeletons in the closet for so long that they ended up leaning against the doors and spilling out - all at once.

I got a message, on Wednesday, from the friend's roommate (the one I almost had a thing with that got back with his ex). He suggested we meet up and talk and we arranged a time for the next day. 

My best friend had told him how I was feeling. 

At the time, I was upset. I was annoyed that she'd told the one person I didn't want to know that I was still hurting. I was frustrated that I was being forced to deal with all of my skeletons in a matter of hours - with no hints that it might even be a possibility.

In hindsight, I know it was the right thing to do. She was looking out for me. Both her and one of my other good friends were. I needed closure and this was the only way I could get it. 

So I freaked out. When I got home from my friend's house on Wednesday, I wrote a list of things to say while on the phone to one of my best friends. Then I had an early night. 

The next day, I woke up unable to speak - perfect day for my laryngitis to get worse! - but I headed to work anyway.

He showed up early and bearing paracetamol - my hero - and we headed to the same place I'd spilled my guts to my friend from school the very day he told me he was getting back with his ex. In my mind, it was perfect symmetry. 

After ordering tea and a smoothie - very sweet - and glossing over small talk, we finally got down to it. He apologised, I said what I needed to say and the defining part of his apology was this: 

'Why didn't you come to me to talk about how you were feeling?'

My answer was pretty simple. I never felt like I could. At first, talking to him hurt too much and then it became the fact that months had gone by and I truly thought I was doing better. Until I knew I was going to have to see him and his girlfriend, I was doing okay. 

But heartbreak is a funny thing. So very unpredictable. It never acts in accordance to what you want it to; it follows its own rules. 

It did help though. The talking. He left every decision up to me and I agreed that I should have come to him a long time ago. My final decision about how to move forward was that we should be friends. What else could I say? 'Na. I'd rather we never talked again. Let's ignore the fact that you're gonna be living with my best friend for the next year and a half'? 

I'm sure that would've went down wonderfully well. 

But it was a good choice, you know? 

It was the best decision. I do like him. Maybe not in the original way anymore but definitely as a potential friend. 

I am not one for staying in contact with exes but he wasn't an ex. And I'm going to see him for the next year anyway. I may as well make the best out of a bad situation. 

It was a good day actually. 

We did idle errand running and then he dropped me off at home. 

After a few hours of failed songwriting, I met one of my favorite friends for dinner. Before I went home and fell asleep before eleven for the second night in a row. 

I may have turned 40 this year instead of 20.

I woke up this morning feeling good.

Not sad or restless or unsettled. 

Just... Numb. 

But in a good way! 

A lot of the time, the word 'numb' is used to describe the feeling of nothingness. Of total and complete emptiness. 

This wasn't like that. 

It was more that I've had these feelings of unease and confusion and upset for so long that I don't know how to be without them yet. 

It's something I would definitely suggest though. 

With friendships, relationships, mutual almosts... 

If you have to continue seeing the person after the initial 'break', talking things through with them is an excellent idea. 

Now I'm not suggesting you do this the day after or anything - that would be insane. 

A few weeks, months afterwards? Yes. Definitely. 

I have been struggling with all these unanswered questions and frustrations for months and I cracked last week. It was horrible. 

And waking up feeling refreshed this morning? It felt pretty good. 

The healing process isn't over but it's moving forward and I am lucky enough to have incredible women - and men! - in my life who make every day of my life a little better. 

You can't count every injustice in your world. 

Instead, you have to live for every blessing - even when it seems impossible and that there aren't any blessings. 

For me, I have amazing friends who love and care about me and who truly want me to be happy. 

That is my happy place. 

Those people are where my heart rests. 

Until next time, 

xoxo 

Jessica 

(Gossip Girl reference because I miss that blessing of a show)