One Year Without Glee

Now, I'm not talking about the literal 'glee' as in the emotion.
I'm talking about the television show.

Glee ran for six years on the network Fox and, in that time, it had significant highs and lows that remind me of a relationship that starts out amazing but, ultimately, ends in heartbreak and tears.
Described as a 'comedy', Glee started out that way with hilarious characters and crazy storylines.
I'm pretty sure I heard it described as 'High School Musical' as a TV show at one point.

The first episode aired on May 19th 2009 in America.
I, however, did not see it for almost eight months later.

Glee began airing in the UK on Monday 11th January 2010 and its first episode drew 1.3 million viewers to the channel E4.
I actually remember watching it very clearly. I had just turned 14 the week before and I'd been hearing about this new show about teenagers in high school who worked all their problems out through singing and it had been advertised on TV for weeks before. The pilot is funny to watch now. It really was a show founded in comedy and the fact that nothing similar had ever been done in terms of a television programme with singing and dancing every week really helped increase the show's popularity.
It also touched on important issues such as bullying, homophobia, eating disorders, transexuality and its overall message was that you are perfect, just as you are.

I think that's one of the largest reasons as to why it became the phenomenon it did in its early years.
Glee was for all the nerds, losers, wannabe's, dreamers, outcasts. It didn't matter if you were overweight, slim, weird, loud, struggling... Whoever you were, you could lose yourself in a forty minute episode of Glee and the world was a little easier to deal with for a while.

Personally. I was a struggling kid. I never showed it and I still rarely do now (my grandmother's a big believer in putting on a brave face whatever things are going on inside your head) but, for each forty minute episode, I could sing my heart out.
It helped. The Glee fandom, when I eventually found it on tumblr, was welcoming and a happy. safe place.
You could be whoever you wanted in that fandom and it didn't matter because they accepted you.
It even had a live tour!
I was 15 and didn't know anyone who liked Glee so I couldn't go but I bought the DVD when it came out.
Seeing your favourite actors sing your favourite hits of the show was incredible and I still lose myself whenever I watch that DVD.

By this point, the show was starting its third season in the fall and my favourite character had moved on from being Rachel Berry to Blaine Anderson.

Darren Criss auditioned for the show three times and it was third time lucky for the future Warbler.
With a dapper haircut and a uniquely brilliant audition, Blaine Anderson was born.
Darren was given a six-episode arc as Kurt Hummel's (a fan-favourite gay character played by Chris Colfer, now a famous childrens' author) mentor.
Blaine was a proud, gay, preppy teenage boy at a private all-boys school in Westerville, Ohio and everyone fell for his prince-like good looks and charming personality. If that wasn't enough, he sang like a dream and had a pure heart which was shown when he, fearlessly, defended Kurt against school bully Dave Karofsky who ended up sexually assaulting Kurt with a kiss in the locker room due to his own closeted homosexuality and, general, asshole demeanor.
Blaine, and Darren, quickly became a beloved character and he was promoted to season regular within a matter of episodes. His first song on the show, 'Teenage Dream' actually got to number 1 on the Billboard Top 100. That's higher than Katy Perry's version and higher than any other Glee song ever got ('Don't Stop Believing' got to number 2, I believe).
With the overwhelming success of Blaine and the Dalton Academy Warblers, Ryan was quick to capitalize on them and they brought out their own album and were invited to accompany the New Directions on the Glee Live Tour in 2011.
The young love between Kurt and Blaine (Klaine) was even voted the Greatest TV Couple of All Time in 2013.
Since then, the Klaine fandom has hardly diminished.
Klaine will, forever, be my favourite television couple.
Not because they were a gay couple or because they were played by gorgeous, talented actors (both true points) but because the love between them was so real and selfless.
Throughout the years, the writers put them (and us Klaine fans) through everything from an awful breakup that we still think was the biggest waste of time the show ever did (minus the second one in season 6) because it made no sense to their wedding day in the final season.
We saw them grow and change and learn from each other in every conceivable way and it was a beautiful relationship.
Darren and Chris were the perfect people to play the characters and, while speculation about their real-life relationship status flittered over them throughout the years, you couldn't deny their chemistry on and off screen was enviable.

But I didn't write this because I love Darren, Chris and Klaine.

Last year, the final episode of Glee aired and I was in tears the Saturday morning afterwards as I watched it. I even took the next week off of work so I would have time to grieve properly (I also needed a break. Working at that place was not fun 90% of the time).

The thing is that (and I know every popular kid at my high school would mock me for this even now), Glee ending was like saying 'Goodbye' to my younger self.
I know that doesn't make much sense but I first started watching Glee when I was a weird, 14 year old kid who just wanted to sing and make people happy and it was ending when I was a 19 year old teenager who had no idea where her life was going or what she wanted to do.
I felt sad because I was going to miss seeing Blaine every week and even secondary characters I hadn't originally loved but grew to in the end but I also felt sad that I hadn't done anything my younger self had dreamed of.
She wanted to move out at 17, after high school, go to college and university and make something of her life but, due to a difficult couple of years at the end of high school, I hadn't gotten the grades necessary so I wasn't there. She wanted to move far away and start fresh. I still haven't done that.
So I was hit with a thousand emotions at once.

Glee wasn't perfect and it deteriorated in terms of the writing and the outlandish storylines that each actor took to with grace and as much professionalism as possible but its overall message still remains:

"Being a part of something special doesn't make you special; something is special because you are a part of it."

You choose your own path - everyone else's opinions don't choose it for you.

I couldn't finish this post without mentioning Cory.

Cory Monteith played Finn Hudson for four season of Glee but he, sadly, passed away on Saturday July 13th 2013.
He struggled with addiction since the age of 19 and, despite his hardest efforts, our hero wasn't strong enough to defeat these demons.

We had him for four years and, in that time, he warmed every single person whose life he touched's heart.
Cory was a brave man who raised awareness for charities close to his heart, was kind to every fan he met and loved with his entire soul.
My admiration and respect for this man will never be diminished and he lives on in all of our hearts.

So this year without Glee has been an interesting one.
Many of the people in the fandom have moved on to other shows (I'm obsessed with How To Get Away With Murder and two superhero shows which star former Glee actors Melissa Benoist (Marley Rose in Glee) and Grant Gustin (Sebastian Smythe in Glee) in Supergirl and The Flash)) and passions.
I have two close friends out of this fandom and the Glee world is something I will always treasure as it reminds me of the girl I used to be once upon a time.

Whatever your opinion of the show now and what it became, you can't deny that it helped a lot of people with self-acceptance and learning to chase their dreams.

So thank you for your legacy, Glee.
Thank you for inspiring me.
And thank you for showing that being a 'loser' isn't a bad thing.

Jessica
xoxo

Rest In Peace Cory Monteith.

"Love is how you stay alive, even after you're gone." - Cory Monteith

Cory Monteith was born on the 11th of May 1982. He died on the 13th of July 2013. Last Saturday.
I don't think I'll ever forget what I was doing when I found out. My second cousins had been over to stay (the next post will probably be about that as it includes lots of Edinburgh things and it's a lot happier and more positive than this post will be due to the somber topic and my general need to express my feelings about it) and they'd woken me up at twenty to eight in the morning on Sunday. We were all on my bed when I got a Tweet alert saying that Taylor Swift had Tweeted. Her Tweet read 'Speechless. And for the worst reason.'. Being a huge Taylor Swift fan, I was automatically worried about her and wondered what had happened. I went onto Tumblr and got increasingly confused when I kept seeing posts about death so I moved on to Twitter instead. That's when I found out.
I remember reading countless Tweets about Cory and how he was dead and how horrible it all was. My mind immediately went to Lea, his girlfriend, and to the cast and his family and friends and all the other fans. I also remember my hand going to my mouth as I murmured 'No. No. No! Lea... Oh my God, Lea!', very much in denial. But I had two little girls asking me what was wrong so I couldn't burst into tears and grieve for him. I had to try and stay strong because breaking down in front of the girls wasn't an option.
So I did. I had sad periods and I wasn't as bubbly or as happy as I had been for the past few days. The girls and I talked about it but not in great detail and they were kind and gave me hugs and were good to me.
When my sister and my mother came over at about four thirty, the girls were leaving and I collapsed into my sister's arms, crying. I didn't stop crying until I went to sleep at about two in the morning the next day.
I went out with my mother and sister to get ice cream because I wanted ice cream and I thought I should get out of the house. Basically, it was an awful idea. I barely stopped crying during the whole car ride and broke down in the ice cream store when a friend called me to ask if I was okay. I was a mess and I went out too fast. I cried the whole way back and barely touched my ice cream.
My sister wanted to stay with me because she was so worried about me but I didn't let her. I think I wanted to be alone. I spent the night crying and watching the British version of Law and Order which I barely remember.
I also texted my best friend Jane and we had a semi-breakdown. We vowed our undying love for each other and commitment and promised to never leave each other. If we were a lesbian couple, I'm pretty sure we would have decided on a wedding date.
No. In all seriousness, it was incredibly sweet. And it made me feel a little better.
We met up the next day and she bought me a raspberry and white chocolate cooler thing and a cupcake from Costa. It was so good of her... I love her so much and am incredibly grateful for her kindness. She has been there for me through the whole thing and I'm not sure I would have coped without her support.
So many people are talking about how Cory died but I don't think it's important. I'm not saying that I won't remember him for his struggles because that's not true; I'll remember him for everything. He battled a difficult addiction and he tried to get better. He never took his life for granted and was so grateful to be alive. He was an incredible man and he will forever remain a hero in my eyes.
His favourite colour was blue. Just over a week after his death and I've worn the colour every day since. It's my way of honouring him.
I've also prayed for him every night since. I don't know why or if it's how I cope but it's helping. I'm not a particularly religious person and I'm actually agnostic but it's helping, like I said.
I don't really know what to say now. I'll leave you with a picture I posted to Instagram and the caption I posted with it the day I found out about his death. It was my own sort of tribute to Cory. 

My personal #candlelight tribute to Cory. I don't understand why you're gone, I don't think I ever will, but I will never forget you. Nor will I ever really get over your death. Even now, after hours of crying, I'm still breaking down every few minutes. I may not have known you personally but you were an incredible person and my heart breaks every time I think about what the world has lost. Rest In Peace Cory Monteith. Like you said, "Love is how you stay alive, even after you're gone." You'll never really die. Our eternal love for you will keep you alive in our hearts and minds.#RIPCoryMonteith #CoryMonteith #Glee#CandlesForCory #RestInPeace #PrayForLea #TragicYou took the midnight train going anywhere...#GoodbyeFrankenteen