Wonderful Woman

To say that I 'enjoyed' Wonder Woman would be an understatement of epic proportions. 

My friend accidentally booked tickets to a show for the wrong week and, unfortunately, I couldn't make the show next week due to work so we ended up seeing this film last night after a lovely dinner (I couldn't eat much. I'd gotten tipsy with Jane (my best friend) at lunch that afternoon). 
My friend wasn't really into it but I begged her and we booked our seats. 

What I didn't realise was that the film doesn't officially come out until today, which may explain why the theatre was so full. 

I loved it though. It was incredible! From the island of Amazon women living and cohabiting peacefully on this beautiful hidden island to the action-packed scenes where Gal Gadot truly got to show the world what woman can do... I was hooked from start to finish. 
Even my friend liked it. 

Growing up, there wasn't much representation for women-led movies that had such a strong and passionate female lead and this was as little as ten years ago. 
Wonder Woman embraces her power and seeks to fight for the greater good, inherently believing that love is the most powerful and important thing we have in this world. 

Regardless of where you are in your life, it's always empowering and exciting to see a strong and intelligent woman kick ass on the big screen and I'm so excited by the fact that millions of little girls get to see such a woman doing incredible things. 

Jessica
xoxo

The Fake Boyfriend

We all know how it goes.
Generally, if you're a girl, you're going to get hit on on a night out.

Sometimes, that's wanted attention.
Sometimes, it isn't.

For me, the attention I got the other night was not wanted.
My girlfriend was out to 'pull' but I wasn't and I was trying very hard to be a good 'wingwoman'. It worked but, unfortunately, some of the guys she was with had friends who grabbed me and tried to dance with me.

Now, I love dancing. When it comes to that, I'm as game as Ellen and I don't need a partner to get crazy like Taylor Swift does at award shows. ('I'm dancing on my own. Make the moves up as I go')
But I don't love it when guys grab me and dance with me when I make it clear I'm not interested.
So I did what any rationally thinking 20 year old does to make it clear to the guy and told them I had a boyfriend.
That should be enough, right?
If a guy I started dancing with told me he had a girlfriend, I'd nod and say 'sorry' and dance in the opposite direction.
These guys? Nope. They didn't care. One of them told me I was 'gorgeous' so I thanked him but he was still dancing close against me so I repeated the 'boyfriend' thing and he just laughed and said 'let yourself go'. I did not want to do that so I gave my friend the warning glance and we danced away to a different part of the club.
When our guy friends got back, I almost pounced on them; I was that relieved.
One of them was also 'on the pull' so I asked the one non-single guy if he'd do me a favour and pretend to be my boyfriend. He laughed and asked which guy was a creep so I simply said 'all of them'.
One guy was nice though. He started dancing near me and I told him I had a boyfriend and hugged my friend and he shook his hand!
Like, actually shook his hand!
I'm not gonna lie. That made me feel kinda good inside and my friend said it was a good gesture.

Anyway, this is actually an issue.
You see, this may be a casual story about a night out but the problem with it is that I shouldn't have had to think of an excuse in the first place. If I don't want to dance with someone, that should be enough of a reason. I shouldn't have to say the word 'boyfriend' fifty times until I can get away from them for it to be realized that I'm not interested.

I'm not saying I was really angry about it but it's frustrating that girls and women have to make up an excuse while guys just don't dance with the girl.

Maybe it was just that club. Maybe it was the fact that it was a Tuesday.
I don't know.
But it shouldn't be an issue in 2016. Have we not come further than that?

At the end of the day, it didn't ruin my night and I still had fun with my friends.

It's just food for thought, you know?

Jessica
xoxo

#WeStandWithZoe

So, apparently, some people have forgotten that women are no longer expected to go to such extremes as hiding their ankles (Looking at you, Victorian Britain!). 

The hashtag above has been trending for the past few hours and it's infuriating. 

Earlier today, The Sun and The Daily Mail published articles about how lifestyle vlogger, beauty queen and all-around incredible person Zoella (Zoe Sugg) had 'shed her wholesome image' after posting a photo of herself in her underwear.

Firstly, it's hardly a racy photo. Most of her body is covered and she's wearing a T-Shirt. 

Secondly, how f*cking dare they. 

Who are they to be telling a 25 year old woman that she isn't allowed to feel comfortable or proud of her own body? 

She's a gorgeous, talented, successful woman. 

She may have young fans but Justin Bieber has young fans and you don't see the media shaming him after every naked Instagram post. 

I can't believe I live in a time where women are still shamed because of their bodies and men are praised for it. 

I'll leave you with a final photo. 

Goodnight!

Jessica

xoxo

The Hardest Word

No, I'm not talking about 'sorry'; I'm talking about 'goodbye'.
It's such a final word, you know?
It's an ending, a word that doesn't offer an opening. It's closing a door that will never be opened again.
At least, it is for me.

I'm an endless trier though. Giving up on friendships, especially, isn't something I take lightly.
Unfortunately, it can't be prevented if the other person in the friendship stops trying.

For any relationship to work, it takes both people to be active participants. Both of you talk, text, tweet, share stories, meet up, etcetera. Even if it's just a few times a month.
I, for example, have two friends who live abroad and we Skype every few weeks and talk on Facebook a few times a month. Sometimes, it isn't more than once in a month because it depends on our schedules but they're still two of my closest friends.
I have another friend who lives in Edinburgh, like me (obviously), and we barely see each other but we both have Snapchat and talk every once in a while. When we see each other though, it's like no time has passed and she's like a sister to me (singing, dancing, acting and CHICKEN forever! (Private joke ;)).
But there goes my point - you can't have a friendship when you don't talk to someone.

One of my best friends and I are going through this right now.
I don't know how it started but our relationship has phased out gradually.
I know it happens but I never expected it to happen to us, you know?
Maybe it was naive of me but I always expected her to be there. We were going to dance at each other's weddings and tell embarrassing stories about each other to our spouses and children.

So I'm left with a burning question: Where did we go wrong?
As I said before, relationships take commitment. You both have to make an effort for it to work and, if you're not talking to each other at all, it's not going to last.
We, gradually, stopped talking to each other late last year and it's just never been the same. We did talk. In November. We had a good conversation on Facebook and we even had a night out together when our mutual friend couldn't make it at the last minute.
It was good to spend time with her. I was particularly fragile after having a hard month due to something I wrote about previously so I enjoyed the chance to let my hair down (metaphorically. It's always down) and have fun. I even met a guy who knew people I went to school with who was really interesting on my way home. It was a good night.
Afterwards though...
I don't know. We went weeks without talking until we exchanged messages over Christmas. She apologised for not talking to me more and I was just thrilled to hear from her. I mentioned seeing her at my birthday but she never replied.
Then we saw each other at New Year. I had no idea we would be getting together but our friend suggested we all went out so we did.
I didn't talk to her until that night and, while we were out, it was like nothing had changed.
But I felt a shift.
My birthday was mentioned and she had no idea anything was happening, despite it being on Facebook and me mentioning it previously.
I mean, my friend who lives in Edinburgh and who I barely talk to but love unconditionally kept my birthday free in case I was doing something - despite nothing being planned at first.
(She ended up taking me out for a delicious dinner on my birthday and it was perfect and sweet and I had a great day)
Maybe it was accidental but I didn't keep my hopes up for seeing her.
On my birthday, my friend and I both got the same message. She'd been asked to work later than originally planned and wouldn't be able to make it.
I'll admit that I felt cheated. I used to visit her all the time when she first moved and we've grown up together. 17 years and now we never talk... It doesn't seem fair and I didn't understand why she couldn't have told her boss she couldn't work later because it was her friends' birthday. The screenshot of her phone showed she was asked - it wasn't a demand.
I'm not saying everyone can get out of shifts but not trying at all made me feel like I didn't mean anything to her.
I let it go and enjoyed my time with the friends who could make it but it felt like an extra step in the path towards the end of our friendship.
I never replied to her Facebook messages after that and she never made any efforts to talk to me so I let it go.
Until my best friend told me she hadn't shown up to said best friend's birthday a few days earlier because she 'hadn't talked to me in a while, didn't know anyone going and didn't want it to be awkward'.
I have several issues with this:

1. It wasn't about her, it was for our best friend and you go regardless
2. She knows me better than to think I would be anything but kind and friendly to her
3. She told our friend she would be there an hour before the party so deciding not to come in the end without telling her wasn't very nice

I don't know if it sounds petty but it felt like a pretty lame excuse. If you can't come, don't come but don't blame someone else for something when you know they're not like you're insinuating.

Anyway, it made me miss her. So I called her at 1AM after seeing Jedward (they were awesome) at midnight on Wednesday/Thursday. She didn't answer but I wasn't surprised because most people are sleeping at that time of the morning on a weeknight but I called her the next day and there was nothing either. I decided to send her a message asking her to call me when she could. I even added a happy emoji to show her it wasn't anything bad.
So I waited a day and there was no response - despite Messenger saying she'd been online a lot.
After waiting a day, I sent her a follow-up message: 

"Okay... Well, it keeps saying you're active but you never reply so here goes. I've known you all my life. Literally. 17 years is more than three quarters of it. I love you. I miss you. And I hate that we don't talk anymore. I don't know how or why it happened but it's been less and less and I hate it. You're family and I love you so much. I'm sorry I didn't reply after my birthday. I was upset you didn't come and I missed you and then it was days that I hadn't replied and... It spiraled. I miss the fact you're so incredibly Scottish and proud and how you have a different opinion to me on most things. I miss hearing about what you're up to and I hate the fact that I couldn't tell you anything you've been up to in these last few months and you couldn't tell me the same about me. I hope you're okay. I hope you're happy and living your best life. This is the hard part though because we have two choices. We can either fix our communication problems and be friends or we can keep not-talking and move on from this friendship.I'm not saying that like I want us to never speak again but it's the unfortunate reality. Just know that you're always going to mean something to me and I love you no matter what happens. But you can't be friends with someone you don't talk to. All my love and good wishes, Jess xoxo"

That's it. That's the full message.
I'm writing this post at 10PM on Friday night. If she hasn't responded by this time tomorrow, I'm going to post it with the ending to that story.

I hope she does and that we can work through our issues but, if she doesn't, I'm glad I can say that I did everything I possibly could to try and mend our broken friendship.

Jessica
xoxo

Saturday, 11:19pm

Well, it's been 25 hours and she hasn't read the message.
A year ago, I probably would have suggested she hadn't seen it or had been busy or something but... Messenger tells me she was active four hours ago.
Three days, two phone calls, one important message.

The hardest part of all of this is knowing that I couldn't save us. She ruined this. I tried and never gave up but I, obviously, don't mean as much to her as she once meant to me.

I'm not trying to play the Blame Game here.
I'm not angry at her.
It's just upsetting.

I think I've said before that friendships ending can often be like relationships ending. You spend time with this person, growing together, learning each other and making memories. All for it to be over so quickly that you need a minute to process what's happened.

So it comes back to that word.

This is all I have to say to her now:

Goodbye. Thank you for 17 years of friendship. I'm sorry I couldn't save us but I hope you find happiness with whatever you do in life.
But I'm done. I can't keep playing this game with you where I pretend we're fine and you haven't hurt me and you refuse to tell me why you decided I wasn't someone you wanted in your life after almost 20 years.
I once told you that the only reason I would give up on a person completely were if we didn't love each other anymore.
You don't ignore people you love.
I've made mistakes in friendships. I've hurt people and I'm not trying to say I'm perfect with this post.
One thing I will say about those times though is that I was younger and foolish. I learnt from my mistakes and I tried really hard not to give up on you.
What I didn't realise though, is that you'd already given up on me.
So have a great life. I truly mean that.
Goodbye, for the last time.
Jessica.

What Women Want

Today, I went on Facebook and an article immediately caught my eye.

To be fair, this happens a lot with me. Especially with Buzzfeed... I may have an addiction. I'm on my Buzzfeed app faster than I'm replying to texts in the morning. I love their writers, staff and general ease you feel when you read one of their articles. Much like I'm coming to fall in love with HelloGiggles.
This particular article felt like it needed to be written about. By me. In my own words.
It helps with my procrastination anyway. I was attempting to write a song...
In this article, a girl at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces found a strange note by an unidentified, male student at her college posted in her dorm on January 29th this year.
The note states: 

"OK, ladies. 

I get it.You don’t want a pleasant evening chat.You don’t want a gentleman to walk you to your car.You don’t want a friendly dude to help you carry your groceries… or hold open the door… or crush the life out of other men that would do you harm.Fine - fear the good guys… I guess we’ll have to just suffer through watching you get broken over and over by the scum you think you love.But I want you to know – it’s not easy and it hurts to see you fall.

Give the good guys a chance to help you be less afraid of the world."

The note comes across extremely creepy and I had to comment on Facebook the second I saw it.

'I think there should be a balance between both. You should be a 'nice', good person because people deserve good people and they're one in a million. The thing that the not-so-nice person who wrote this isn't understanding is that chivalry and protection is what some women want but not all. Women want different things. I roll my eyes at super coupley things like some of the posts people who have been dating for five minutes share on Facebook or putting a love lock on a bridge in Paris because you think it has any direct correlation with how long your relationship will last BUT a lot of people find that stuff adorable and love it. Not every women likes chivalry and men holding doors open for them just like not every guy likes women who don't wear much makeup - it's human nature. This man, clearly, hasn't grasped the concept of what it means to actually be a 'nice' guy.'

It's not easy to watch people you love or care about being hurt by the same kind of people but you should do something about it rather than complaining they're going after the wrong guys and should be dating you.
A lot of the other comments were angry because of the strong sense of entitlement the note is drenched in but I was more frustrated by the idea that nice guys are easy to find and that us women are deliberately falling for people who end up hurting.
Another point is that it takes more to being a good guy than holding doors open for women and walking them to their cars at night.
To be a good person, you actually have to work hard to maintain a good attitude and loving nature.
Plus, my point in that comment is that NOT ALL PEOPLE WANT A NICE GUY/GIRL.
Now, I put that, as Judge Rinder says, in big because it's important.
No matter what else the guy's saying or how creepy it comes across, he doesn't seem to understand the idea that no one wants the same thing.
I have friends who meet guys on tinder and have relationships and I have friends who would never date a guy they met online.
Much like the way no one has an identically decorated home, no one has the same type.
My type, in terms of personality, remains the same as it's always been. You know: loyal, caring, humorous, slightly chivalrous, strong (mentally and physically). Though, my recent experience with that guy I've been hung up on for months actually taught me a lot more about myself than I ever expected. I know now that I want a man who can turn me on - both sensually and intellectually - and that he needs to be able to 'take the mick' out of me because I do that to people and I find it playful.
All that being said, you could ask Sarah (made up name on the spot) what her type is and she could say she wants a serious guy who's not chivalrous at all and doesn't find bad jokes hilarious (like I do).
If you've managed to persevere reading all of that, I commend you.
Here's my final point on it; if you want to be a good guy, BE A GOOD GUY but don't expect all women to fall at your feet like you're Gerard Butler, Daniel Craig or Darren Criss (the last one's a personal favourite). The second you start expecting things from people is the second your 'trying to be a nice guy' comes across as an act rather than a genuinely nice thing.
Not all women want a good, nice guy. Not all men want a good girl.
No two people are going to have the same exact type all of the time so consider this before making anymore declarations. 

And, to all the genuinely nice guys out there, thank you for being kind and gracious and respectful. 

Three of my best friends are guys and I couldn't love them more if I tried.
Jessica
xoxo

Who Run The World?

Definitely not girls. 

Yet. 

It's International Women's Day across the world! 

How could I not write about this? 

In a world where people do work on their phones and send it in while on the train to their office and teenagers become famous by uploading videos to YouTube, it's amazing to see how far we, as humans, have come. 

Technology is, in my mind, one of the biggest areas in terms of visibly seeing our affect on the world. 

If you don't count global warming, that is. 

Which a lot of people don't. 

But that isn't my point. 

This post is about women's rights. 

Which brings me back to technology. 

As amazing as it is to see how far we've come in that regard, it's disappointing to think that we still live in a world where a woman is questioned for running for President because she's a grandmother. How will she govern? How will she make fair decisions for America when she has a grandchild? 

Let's forget her decades of work in politics or her educational background or her years of experience as First Lady and, instead, focus on the fact that she's a grandmother. 

The thing is, as far as we've come in these last few years in so many different areas, we've not progressed very far in terms of equality. 

Women still don't make as much as men for the same jobs and we are constantly being criticized on so many different levels. 

And I'm not just talking about by political leaders or people of power. 

Women get picked on, by other women, for going to work when they have kids or choosing a career over family but we also get bullied for not going to work when we have children or working from home when we have a family. 

It doesn't matter what you do as a woman because you'll get criticized. 

Now, I'm not blaming any one person or group of individuals - as much as I would love to blame Donald Trump for every injustice in the world and have him sent to Azkaban for all of eternity - for all of this because it's not the fault of any one person; it's women. 

Women are a huge part of the problem and a lot of people are too scared to admit that. 

We want rights and we deserve them but we need to change our own attitudes and perceptions first. 

Let's stop hating on women for not doing what we think they should and support women for whatever it is they choose to do. 

You don't want kids? Don't have them. 

Want to stay at home with your children and be there full-time for them? Awesome! Let's support that! 

Whatever you choose to do as a woman, let's applaud that! 

You don't need to be compared to anyone else and you are not someone else's opinion of you. 

This goes for overweight women, slimmer women, girly women and tomboys. 

Because every woman has been judged for some aspect of themselves. 

As Emma Watson has said: 

"I don't want other people to decide who I am; I want to decide that for myself."

Let's give women the power to decide who we are for ourselves and be proud of each and every one of our individualities because every person in this world is worth something. 

Every person. 

Hillary is just one example of why we still need to go a long way in terms of women's equality and feminism but we are making progress. 

This has been a long time coming and I'm not saying we haven't made any progress because we have and that's important to note. 

So have fun celebrating women today and let's continue to teach ourselves and every woman we know to support other women. 

Jessica

xoxo

Happy Mother's Day!

It's Mother's Day here in the UK. 

A day that is, traditionally, spent celebrating the woman who brought you into this world - your mum.

Or, you know, a Hallmark Holiday invented by card businesses to capitalise on the public's love of celebrating. 

While I'm all for appreciating your mother, I don't think it should be all about that one person because, for many, it isn't. 

I was raised by my grandmother and my aunt continues to guide me through life with her never-ending mum-isms. 

My mum has always been around and she is a trier, you know? She tries her best. 

But we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and that's neither of our faults. 

I still love her though. Unconditionally. 

A lot of people don't have Hallmark relationships with their parents. I use that term because so many cards are filled with loving poems about mothers and not all of them apply to everyone. 

It's for this reason that I'm taking the time to spend my hungover (more on that later) Mother's Day feeling grateful for the woman who made me me. 

Mother's Day isn't just about the woman who brought you into this world, it's about the women who bring you up. So Happy Mother's Day to all the women who raise daughters they didn't give birth to and who teach us to be strong, brave and who always believe in us when we don't believe in ourselves! 

Jessica

xoxo