I've Forgiven It All, You Set Me Free

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past ten hours or so, you'll recognize those lyrics from the Adele song 'Send My Love (To Your New Lover)'.
The music video (a beautiful, understated, classic black background with Adele in a floral dress blowing your mind - yet again) debuted at the Billboard Music Awards last night and I have watched it about a hundred times since.

The video came at an interesting time for me, personally, as I have finally started to realize something about myself and the way I love.

It's no secret that I loved this guy who will never love me back but I sent a text to my friend last night after I came to a realization about it.
I texted her:

"I had an epiphany. I want a guy who gets just as excited as me about Disney. Who's strong and kind and intelligent but doesn't mind making a fool out of himself every now and then. I want Phil Dunphy"

Okay, this was after two in the morning but you never know when things are gonna hit you.
Phil Dunphy, for those out there who haven't come across Modern Family, is the dad of the Dunphy kids.
Modern Family is a mockumentary about three parts of one family.
I'm not going to go into it all but Phil is my favorite character.
He's a hardworking dreamer who stops at nothing to bond with his kids. The first episode has him singing and dancing to a High School Musical song.
To cut it short, he's my dream dad.
When I was a kid, I would've loved my dad to try and figure out my interests and to do whatever it took to make me happy.
He's funny, sexy (by that, I mean his attempts are adorable. Clive Bigsby anyone?) and he never stops dreaming.

I can't really explain all the reasons as to why he's my dream guy but the bigger point is that I finally accepted something I'd been struggling to for a long time;
You can't keep chasing after ghosts, wishing they'd fall in love with you.

Life isn't one big romantic comedy.
The guy doesn't always get the girl and the girl doesn't always get the guy she's hopelessly in love with.
The girl moves on or the guy falls in love with someone else and where does that leave you?
Alone and miserable.

Last night, I had to accept that maybe, instead of me not being good enough for him, he's not right for me.
Someone can seem perfect in so many ways but, if they can't see that in you, why are you even wasting another thought on them?
You have to grow up and accept that you're worth better than wishing in someone who will never see you.
Once you accept that, you're free.

Which is why I chose those lyrics for my title.
I've forgiven everything that happened, I don't regret it because it taught me so much but I'm done with it. I'm free now.

Hold out for your Phil Dunphy.

Jessica
xoxo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk4BbF7B29w

What Women Want

Today, I went on Facebook and an article immediately caught my eye.

To be fair, this happens a lot with me. Especially with Buzzfeed... I may have an addiction. I'm on my Buzzfeed app faster than I'm replying to texts in the morning. I love their writers, staff and general ease you feel when you read one of their articles. Much like I'm coming to fall in love with HelloGiggles.
This particular article felt like it needed to be written about. By me. In my own words.
It helps with my procrastination anyway. I was attempting to write a song...
In this article, a girl at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces found a strange note by an unidentified, male student at her college posted in her dorm on January 29th this year.
The note states: 

"OK, ladies. 

I get it.You don’t want a pleasant evening chat.You don’t want a gentleman to walk you to your car.You don’t want a friendly dude to help you carry your groceries… or hold open the door… or crush the life out of other men that would do you harm.Fine - fear the good guys… I guess we’ll have to just suffer through watching you get broken over and over by the scum you think you love.But I want you to know – it’s not easy and it hurts to see you fall.

Give the good guys a chance to help you be less afraid of the world."

The note comes across extremely creepy and I had to comment on Facebook the second I saw it.

'I think there should be a balance between both. You should be a 'nice', good person because people deserve good people and they're one in a million. The thing that the not-so-nice person who wrote this isn't understanding is that chivalry and protection is what some women want but not all. Women want different things. I roll my eyes at super coupley things like some of the posts people who have been dating for five minutes share on Facebook or putting a love lock on a bridge in Paris because you think it has any direct correlation with how long your relationship will last BUT a lot of people find that stuff adorable and love it. Not every women likes chivalry and men holding doors open for them just like not every guy likes women who don't wear much makeup - it's human nature. This man, clearly, hasn't grasped the concept of what it means to actually be a 'nice' guy.'

It's not easy to watch people you love or care about being hurt by the same kind of people but you should do something about it rather than complaining they're going after the wrong guys and should be dating you.
A lot of the other comments were angry because of the strong sense of entitlement the note is drenched in but I was more frustrated by the idea that nice guys are easy to find and that us women are deliberately falling for people who end up hurting.
Another point is that it takes more to being a good guy than holding doors open for women and walking them to their cars at night.
To be a good person, you actually have to work hard to maintain a good attitude and loving nature.
Plus, my point in that comment is that NOT ALL PEOPLE WANT A NICE GUY/GIRL.
Now, I put that, as Judge Rinder says, in big because it's important.
No matter what else the guy's saying or how creepy it comes across, he doesn't seem to understand the idea that no one wants the same thing.
I have friends who meet guys on tinder and have relationships and I have friends who would never date a guy they met online.
Much like the way no one has an identically decorated home, no one has the same type.
My type, in terms of personality, remains the same as it's always been. You know: loyal, caring, humorous, slightly chivalrous, strong (mentally and physically). Though, my recent experience with that guy I've been hung up on for months actually taught me a lot more about myself than I ever expected. I know now that I want a man who can turn me on - both sensually and intellectually - and that he needs to be able to 'take the mick' out of me because I do that to people and I find it playful.
All that being said, you could ask Sarah (made up name on the spot) what her type is and she could say she wants a serious guy who's not chivalrous at all and doesn't find bad jokes hilarious (like I do).
If you've managed to persevere reading all of that, I commend you.
Here's my final point on it; if you want to be a good guy, BE A GOOD GUY but don't expect all women to fall at your feet like you're Gerard Butler, Daniel Craig or Darren Criss (the last one's a personal favourite). The second you start expecting things from people is the second your 'trying to be a nice guy' comes across as an act rather than a genuinely nice thing.
Not all women want a good, nice guy. Not all men want a good girl.
No two people are going to have the same exact type all of the time so consider this before making anymore declarations. 

And, to all the genuinely nice guys out there, thank you for being kind and gracious and respectful. 

Three of my best friends are guys and I couldn't love them more if I tried.
Jessica
xoxo