So I was thinking a bit about time.
The other day, I met up with an old friend for coffee. I ended up telling her about something really horrible that happened to me about a year ago. It was something that made me have a panic attack, terrified and shocked me to my core and also made me consider something extreme (and also final. And deadly). For months afterwards, I was afraid to sleep and would cry every time I thought about it. You may think it sounds dramatic but this really shook me. A lot of bad things have happened in my life and I've always been strong enough to get through it on my own. It's just what I do. But this was something I wasn't sure I was strong enough to live through and that thought alone terrified me.
Anyway, I told my old friend about it and I didn't cry. It didn't even scare me to think about it. I stammered and I couldn't look at her the entire time I was talking but I didn't cry.
Thinking about time right now, I remembered this and it made me think about how time heals.
The wounds I have from that experience are still there and I don't think the scars will ever really go away. But they aren't bleeding anymore. Time healed it. With time, I learned to move on and accept the fact that I can't change it. I'll never be over it and I'll never forget it or forgive the person who did it to me but I can and have moved on from it.
Yes, it took a lot longer than most other things I've dealt with to begin to heal but I'm alive. It wasn't worth dying over.
It just makes me think about how close I came to giving in. That scares me too. The thought that I could have given up and ended everything.
I like to believe that there's always hope. That I may be sad today but there is always tomorrow to look forward to.
I hope I don't sound like I'm asking for pity or anything because I don't want it. So many people go through worse things every day and I feel terrible for moaning about it. I just wish I could hug everyone who's ever gone through something bad. But I can't.
Well... I'm going to go now.
The point is that I really do believe that time heals. The scars may remain but the initial hurt and pain fade with time.
I'm really going now... Sorry for the randomness of this. It doesn't really mean anything. Just my pondering.
Wednesday, 10 July 2013
Tuesday, 9 July 2013
Choosing Glee (Sort of a book review but not really)
Yesterday, I got a book in the mail yesterday. I wasn't expecting it (even though I, obviously, ordered it).
Anyway... I have never been one to sit down and read a book until it's finished. But I, seriously, couldn't put the book down. I sat on my bed, reading and doing the Heartwork, for three hours until the book was finished.
I am a positive person in general. I like to stay optimistic because I am hopeful in my future and that it will be better.
This book was... It was incredible. Jenna and I seem to have a great deal in common. Her outlook on life is, pretty much, identical to mine and her positive energy bursts from the book. I love it.
The book has ten chapters/rules to finding Inspiration, Happiness and the Real You.
Rule 1: Be Yourself
Rule 2: Know What You Want
Rule 3: 'Fear' Is Not The F Word
Rule 4: Ready Set... Screw Up
Rule 5: Expect The Unexpected
Rule 6: Get Off Your Butt
Rule 7: Never Say Never
Rule 8: Do Your Very Best
Rule 9: Jump In!
Rule 10: Take A Bow
In each chapter, she gives tips along with her own personal stories and other things related to the chapter title. There are also Heartwork Assignments that you can fill out or do. They are really good. I can't describe how motivated I feel. She really made me think about my life and put a lot of things in perspective for me. And she has a point! Her rules make sense and the questions she makes you ask yourself actually help. They make you think things through in a different way and she has suggestions for how you can do everything in a positive way.
I'm not going to go into detail about it but I felt like it was a very personal thing for me for some reason. Filling the Heartwork Assignments out with my honest answers... The book knows stuff about me that only me and the book know. It knows what I want for my future, from my silliest and wildest dreams to my genuine concerns. And it's all true (hence the word 'honest'). I am definitely going to keep this book close to me while I live out the years.
That's another good thing about it. The way it is written, you feel like Jenna is talking to you personally. As an individual. Specifically. I love that she has done it this way. I felt like I was talking to a friend (I didn't talk to the book but I did read it aloud for some reason). She's an incredible person and, although she's a Taurus and I'm a Capricorn, I really do feel that we have a lot in common and that she has helped me.
Everyone should read this book. Even if you're super successful and happy and rich and whatever.
Anyway... I have never been one to sit down and read a book until it's finished. But I, seriously, couldn't put the book down. I sat on my bed, reading and doing the Heartwork, for three hours until the book was finished.
I am a positive person in general. I like to stay optimistic because I am hopeful in my future and that it will be better.
This book was... It was incredible. Jenna and I seem to have a great deal in common. Her outlook on life is, pretty much, identical to mine and her positive energy bursts from the book. I love it.
The book has ten chapters/rules to finding Inspiration, Happiness and the Real You.
Rule 1: Be Yourself
Rule 2: Know What You Want
Rule 3: 'Fear' Is Not The F Word
Rule 4: Ready Set... Screw Up
Rule 5: Expect The Unexpected
Rule 6: Get Off Your Butt
Rule 7: Never Say Never
Rule 8: Do Your Very Best
Rule 9: Jump In!
Rule 10: Take A Bow
In each chapter, she gives tips along with her own personal stories and other things related to the chapter title. There are also Heartwork Assignments that you can fill out or do. They are really good. I can't describe how motivated I feel. She really made me think about my life and put a lot of things in perspective for me. And she has a point! Her rules make sense and the questions she makes you ask yourself actually help. They make you think things through in a different way and she has suggestions for how you can do everything in a positive way.
I'm not going to go into detail about it but I felt like it was a very personal thing for me for some reason. Filling the Heartwork Assignments out with my honest answers... The book knows stuff about me that only me and the book know. It knows what I want for my future, from my silliest and wildest dreams to my genuine concerns. And it's all true (hence the word 'honest'). I am definitely going to keep this book close to me while I live out the years.
That's another good thing about it. The way it is written, you feel like Jenna is talking to you personally. As an individual. Specifically. I love that she has done it this way. I felt like I was talking to a friend (I didn't talk to the book but I did read it aloud for some reason). She's an incredible person and, although she's a Taurus and I'm a Capricorn, I really do feel that we have a lot in common and that she has helped me.
Everyone should read this book. Even if you're super successful and happy and rich and whatever.
So, if you are not me and reading this (Unlikely but, if you're me and you haven't looked at the book in a while, go pick it up and read it Jessica!), go buy it or something. Just read it and I promise it will make you feel more positive or help you feel motivated in some way.
Monday, 1 July 2013
Struck By Lightning
Okay, so I already posted tonight/this morning (It's 4:00AM! How did it get this late?!) but I wanted to post about something a little more positive (It's all about perspective, people). Yesterday (well, two days ago now...), I went to see the film 'Struck By Lightning' at Cineworld at the Edinburgh International Film Festival. I've got the book and I know the film's incredible - It's Chris Colfer, how could it not be? I'm totally not biased or anything... - because Chris is a brilliant actor. I've loved him on Glee since Season 1 and, since then, I've watched him turn into such an astounding young man (I sound old...). The fact that he wrote it and starred as the main character... Wow.
Also, Lauren Lopez (One of Darren Criss' best friends and fellow Starkid (Darren Criss is Chris' co star and boyfriend on Glee and Starkid is a production company Darren co-founded with some of his friends from Michigan University, I think)) was in it! She was a celibacy girl but I'm kinda pissed about that, if I'm being completely honest. Lauren is an incredible actor and I think she would have been perfect for the role of Remy Baker. She's amazing. Still. I'm glad she was in it. Even if I'm a little confused as to why she didn't get a more main role.
The film was well-written, had brilliant actors and had the perfect balance of hilarity and wit. I felt so proud watching it on a cinema screen. To see Chris' dreams come to life like that... I... It was indescribable. I'm just really proud of him and I'm looking forward to seeing Darren's film 'Girl Most Likely' in the cinemas soon as well. Although, it's not exactly the same, this is still a big deal for him and I'm going to be proud to see it.
If you get a chance, watch the film, read the book. Or watch it again if you're me. It may be tragic but it teaches a very valuable life lesson.
“I know I'm bitter and a little jaded, and mildly enjoy it, but am I a sad person? Am I happy?
I plan on being happy in the future for sure, but it isn't here yet. So what does that make me, exactly?”
My point with that quote is that you can't spend every day living for your future. I do it and I'm trying not to. Your future is coming but you have to live now, not in some imaginary world you want for your future because you never know what's going to happen.
"Life comes at you fast. It hits you and tries to escape and be expressed in any way possible. In a way, it's a lot like...lightning.”
Also, Lauren Lopez (One of Darren Criss' best friends and fellow Starkid (Darren Criss is Chris' co star and boyfriend on Glee and Starkid is a production company Darren co-founded with some of his friends from Michigan University, I think)) was in it! She was a celibacy girl but I'm kinda pissed about that, if I'm being completely honest. Lauren is an incredible actor and I think she would have been perfect for the role of Remy Baker. She's amazing. Still. I'm glad she was in it. Even if I'm a little confused as to why she didn't get a more main role.
The film was well-written, had brilliant actors and had the perfect balance of hilarity and wit. I felt so proud watching it on a cinema screen. To see Chris' dreams come to life like that... I... It was indescribable. I'm just really proud of him and I'm looking forward to seeing Darren's film 'Girl Most Likely' in the cinemas soon as well. Although, it's not exactly the same, this is still a big deal for him and I'm going to be proud to see it.
If you get a chance, watch the film, read the book. Or watch it again if you're me. It may be tragic but it teaches a very valuable life lesson.
“I know I'm bitter and a little jaded, and mildly enjoy it, but am I a sad person? Am I happy?
I plan on being happy in the future for sure, but it isn't here yet. So what does that make me, exactly?”
My point with that quote is that you can't spend every day living for your future. I do it and I'm trying not to. Your future is coming but you have to live now, not in some imaginary world you want for your future because you never know what's going to happen.
"Life comes at you fast. It hits you and tries to escape and be expressed in any way possible. In a way, it's a lot like...lightning.”
P.S. Thanks Emily Murphy! I don't know who you are but we got a free ticket thanks to you and I love you because of this. Sorry you were unable to make it though!
Figuring It Out
Unfortunately, this title is misleading. I am not, indeed, 'figuring it out'. It turns out growing up is kind of difficult. By 17, I was supposed to be driving my own car, working and, most importantly, I was supposed to know what my life was going to be from now on. But everything's so much more confusing when it's not all just naive planning. I want to figure my life out, I really do. But I have so many different ideas... I want to sing, I want to sing with children... I probably have more but I kinda got lost in thinking about New York (No idea where that came from. Now, I'm thinking about the beauty of Golden Retrievers... My thought process is confusing). Anyway... Last week, I handed my CV (Curriculum Vitae. Sorry. Had an impulse to write the actual words for some reason) into a hairdressers in Morningside last week. I also applied for a Nursery Assistant job apprenticeship thingy though so I, obviously, am clueless. I don't have specific reasons for wanting the apprenticeship at the hairdressers. I think it would be fun and I'd enjoy learning how to do it, etcetera. I know I'd work hard at it. The apprenticeship at the nursery though... My reasons are so pathetic it's laughable. I want to do it because... Damn. Okay. I've always wanted kids. Always. My mum wasn't there for me like I needed her to be and I've never really felt like anyone in my family has true loyalty to me. Besides myself, obviously. So I've always wanted to be that for someone else. To bring my kids up in the way I wish I had been. With unconditional love and support. If my kids want to be a dinosaur when they grow up, I'll buy them a costume. If they want to be a singer, I'll pay for lessons. If they want to go and see their favourite musician in concert, I'll do whatever it takes to get them there. If they're upset, I'll buy ice cream and we'll spend the night talking and watching Disney movies. If they're gay, I'll embarrass them by pointing out attractive people who I think they'd look good with when we go out sometimes. Who am I kidding? I'll do that either way. The point it that I want to be the best mother I can be. And working with kids is like practice sort of. Not even going into how much I love kids in general. I know this probably sounds really pathetic and kinda lame but it's how I feel. My mum tries so hard with me sometimes and I want to let her in but it's been so long I don't even know how to anymore. My gran, practically, brought me up. I spent most of my childhood with her. I don't even know how to talk to my mum sometimes and I don't really respect her in a parental way because she's not really been that for me. And I know how horrible that sounds and I feel like a terrible person because she tries so hard and it should be easy for me to let her in completely... But, sometimes, I'll say something and she won't understand it or I'll open up about how upset I am about something that's going on in a certain celebrity I like's life and she'll tell me to stop talking about it or she just won't care. When I have kids and they come to tell me that so and so has done this and they're really upset about it, I'm going to listen and actually care because it's upsetting them. I thought that's what being a parent was: listening to your child and trying to help them out even if you don't understand or think it's silly. Nevermind. I didn't mean this to turn into a rant about my mum. I really do love her. She bought me two Barbie doll houses and supported me with my dreams of going to MGA. I feel like such a bitch for complaining. And my childhood wasn't miserable. My gran did awesome! I would get Princess dresses and other nice clothes and she even bought me a dog. She's amazing. I guess I always expected more from them and they couldn't give that to me.
I was attacked last year, something that very nearly broke me (In ways I don't really want to explain right now) and I needed their unconditional love and support. But it wasn't there. They weren't loyal to me and still aren't being loyal to me. That's why I'm so... distant, I guess. I don't feel like they did the right thing and I can't forgive that. I'm one of those people that, when something or something does something that I find so inherently wrong or unforgivable, I don't forgive it. I give second chances to people I find deserving of them but, if you do something I would kill you for doing to my own child, I'll be like an ice queen to you and I will freeze you out of my life completely. I have to protect myself because no one else will.
Sorry... If anyone ever reads this far, kudos to you. You're a saint. This really has become like a diary... I should write more.
Here's to hoping something good comes out of either option!
Jess xoxo
I was attacked last year, something that very nearly broke me (In ways I don't really want to explain right now) and I needed their unconditional love and support. But it wasn't there. They weren't loyal to me and still aren't being loyal to me. That's why I'm so... distant, I guess. I don't feel like they did the right thing and I can't forgive that. I'm one of those people that, when something or something does something that I find so inherently wrong or unforgivable, I don't forgive it. I give second chances to people I find deserving of them but, if you do something I would kill you for doing to my own child, I'll be like an ice queen to you and I will freeze you out of my life completely. I have to protect myself because no one else will.
Sorry... If anyone ever reads this far, kudos to you. You're a saint. This really has become like a diary... I should write more.
Here's to hoping something good comes out of either option!
Jess xoxo
Thursday, 30 May 2013
An Edinburgh Girl
I changed my name again. If anyone knows me, they should know that I'm indecisive. I think I changed my Twitter name about fifty or sixty times before deciding on the one I have now (msjessjohnston). My first Twitter name was JessJohnstonR1. Because my name is Jessica Johnston and my register class in High School was R1 (Raeburn 1). After that, it varied from JessJohnton17 to MissEnchantedUK (after the Taylor Swift song). Then it was a few other ones and, now, I'm content.
So, I changed the blog name because I decided to.
It is now 'An Edinburgh Girl' because I like the fact that, wherever I go or whatever I'm doing, I'll always be that. I could live in Spain but I'll always be An Edinburgh Girl. Also, Edinburgh Girl was taken so... But I still like the name.
Not that I truly believe anyone but me will ever read this but I like to think that, when I look over this or add to it in the next few years, I'll be able to smile and remember the good times I had in Edinburgh. I don't know why but I feel like I'm going to move at some point. And I want to remember this city because it really is very important to me. It's home.
So, I changed the blog name because I decided to.
It is now 'An Edinburgh Girl' because I like the fact that, wherever I go or whatever I'm doing, I'll always be that. I could live in Spain but I'll always be An Edinburgh Girl. Also, Edinburgh Girl was taken so... But I still like the name.
Not that I truly believe anyone but me will ever read this but I like to think that, when I look over this or add to it in the next few years, I'll be able to smile and remember the good times I had in Edinburgh. I don't know why but I feel like I'm going to move at some point. And I want to remember this city because it really is very important to me. It's home.
Darren Dream (Yes, I mention a dream I had last night. It's brief. Deal with it)
So, Darren Criss started his #ListenUp tour last night at the Fillmore in San Francisco. First, I'd like to say that I am incredibly proud of him. I can't understand the fact that I feel so much for a man I have never met before and probably will never meet but I do. I just think he really deserves this. He's worked so hard for everything he's done and he's got and it's because of that fact (and his unbelievable) talent that he has it all.
Not to mention who he is as a person. I mean, he is amazing. Beyond his talent, he's intelligent, speaks fluent Italian and has an addictive personality. He will spend hours signing autographs for fans and he wrote a fricking letter to his fans the night The Break-Up aired on television (October 4th 2012. Here's a link to the letter, if you would like it https://www.facebook.com/darrencriss/posts/10151069497289147). Technically, the note was posted on the fifth at 33 minutes past midnight but still.
(I'd also like to point out that he had his mom drop him and his brother off to the venue of his first tour. If that doesn't make him the cutest thing to ever exist besides Blaine Anderson and puppies then I don't understand you)
He's just an incredible person. I wish him every success in the world and I truly can't wait to see him achieve all his dreams - both known and undiscovered.
Anyway, the dream part...
Right. Uhm, so I went to sleep earlier than I normally would (Ever since I finished school, my sleeping pattern has been totally fricked) and the dream started. What was weird about it though was that I woke up at three points in the night and, every time I fell back to sleep, the dream would continue where I left off. That doesn't normally happen. It also ended before I woke up for the last time so that was strange. Dreams don't normally 'end' for me; they just stop.
The Dream.
I went to sleep as normal and then woke up in a venue of some sort. Then Darren came out and started playing and I realised I was at his concert. I went with it for a while, took videos, etcetera and ended up talking to this really sweet girl called Anna and I stuck with her for the rest of the time. We danced and sang along to his songs and it was amazing.
When the concert finished, I was kind of at a loss for what to do (seeing as I was in America and I live in Britain and I didn't have anything with me besides my clothes and my phone for some reason. And my phone didn't even have credit so that was pointless. Anna gave me some money and we went for a bit of a wander.
When I got to the airport, I explained my situation to a security person who called my mum and said I'd been gone for two days. Anyway, it cost me £99 to get home and I got booked on a flight.
I thought it was a little bit strange but, at least, I was at the concert in spirit or whatever.
The next time Darren goes on tour, I really hope I can go. He's just breathtaking. His solos on Glee are flawless (I vote Blaine has a solo or sings lead or something in every episode) and his songs are brilliant. To see him perform would be... Words can't describe it.
I also need to see Taylor Swift in concert at some point in my life. I care about her the same way I care about Darren. I could write a book on them both and how much admiration and love I have for the two of them.
Anyway, I think I'm done. So, goodbye for now :)
Jess xoxo
Not to mention who he is as a person. I mean, he is amazing. Beyond his talent, he's intelligent, speaks fluent Italian and has an addictive personality. He will spend hours signing autographs for fans and he wrote a fricking letter to his fans the night The Break-Up aired on television (October 4th 2012. Here's a link to the letter, if you would like it https://www.facebook.com/darrencriss/posts/10151069497289147). Technically, the note was posted on the fifth at 33 minutes past midnight but still.
(I'd also like to point out that he had his mom drop him and his brother off to the venue of his first tour. If that doesn't make him the cutest thing to ever exist besides Blaine Anderson and puppies then I don't understand you)
He's just an incredible person. I wish him every success in the world and I truly can't wait to see him achieve all his dreams - both known and undiscovered.
Anyway, the dream part...
Right. Uhm, so I went to sleep earlier than I normally would (Ever since I finished school, my sleeping pattern has been totally fricked) and the dream started. What was weird about it though was that I woke up at three points in the night and, every time I fell back to sleep, the dream would continue where I left off. That doesn't normally happen. It also ended before I woke up for the last time so that was strange. Dreams don't normally 'end' for me; they just stop.
The Dream.
I went to sleep as normal and then woke up in a venue of some sort. Then Darren came out and started playing and I realised I was at his concert. I went with it for a while, took videos, etcetera and ended up talking to this really sweet girl called Anna and I stuck with her for the rest of the time. We danced and sang along to his songs and it was amazing.
When the concert finished, I was kind of at a loss for what to do (seeing as I was in America and I live in Britain and I didn't have anything with me besides my clothes and my phone for some reason. And my phone didn't even have credit so that was pointless. Anna gave me some money and we went for a bit of a wander.
When I got to the airport, I explained my situation to a security person who called my mum and said I'd been gone for two days. Anyway, it cost me £99 to get home and I got booked on a flight.
I thought it was a little bit strange but, at least, I was at the concert in spirit or whatever.
The next time Darren goes on tour, I really hope I can go. He's just breathtaking. His solos on Glee are flawless (I vote Blaine has a solo or sings lead or something in every episode) and his songs are brilliant. To see him perform would be... Words can't describe it.
I also need to see Taylor Swift in concert at some point in my life. I care about her the same way I care about Darren. I could write a book on them both and how much admiration and love I have for the two of them.
Anyway, I think I'm done. So, goodbye for now :)
Jess xoxo
Wednesday, 1 May 2013
X Factor Failure
Today, I got up at 5:00AM (After an hour and a half's sleep...) and got dressed and ready to leave the house shortly after six. My mum picked me up and we went to collect my best friend Jane (who said she'd come with me) from her house. After that, we paid £21.80 for return train tickets to Glasgow. When we got there, we got another train to the SECC where the auditions were being held. We were then made to wait for three hours in the cold and pouring rain (my feet were so numb I was worried they'd fall off) while certain TV people did TV stuff (Dermot O'Leery was there). We had to 'Woo' and cheer etcetera along with some 'silent cheering'. It was awful and I was freezing. I get why they did it and I'm not trying to be rude or anything. It was just really cold. We then walked around from the BBC building to the SECC. After that, I waited another three hours (6 hours in total, if you're counting) until my row (somewhere in 'sector' K or something) got called down to audition. By this point, I was tired and desperate to go home.
The audition itself was awful. I got into the little black 'box' type thing and met a lovely man called Barney who looked quite young (mid-twenties maybe?). He was really nice and kind and he had a matching 'Saint Christopher (Patron Saint of Travelling thing on his neck (I wear a silver necklace my mum got me for my 16th birthday with Saint Christopher engraved or whatever into the silver) thingy around his neck. He asked me a few questions and I answered them (couldn't tell you what those questions were or what I answered). After that, he told me to sing. So I did. And that's when everything else went wrong. I sang 'Ronan' by Taylor Swift and it was terrible. I didn't know where to look or what to do with my hands and I looked at him (Barney) a few times because I was panicking about whether or not eye-contact was good whilst singing a song. He stopped me just before I got to the 'And what if I'm standing in your closet trying to talk to you' bit and said 'I'm sorry but it's a 'no'. I think I said something after that but I don't remember what. I just tried to get out and find Jane. When I did, we left and went back to the train station.
I wasn't surprised as such. Nevertheless, I felt embarrassed and like I wasn't good enough. I know it's ridiculous but I think it's an automatic response to rejection. No matter what I told myself about me not being that bad of a singer, suddenly there was Barney's voice telling me that I wasn't any good. Maybe I was good but just not 'X Factor' good. I don't know. The whole thing's just humiliating. I'm not upset at a 'missed opportunity' or whatever. The rejection isn't nice though and I feel sick and embarrassed whenever I think about it. Yes, it's only been a few hours (seven to be exact) but it's still raw. I was also a little annoyed at the fact that I'd barely slept and that my mum and best friend had gotten up early for absolutely no reason. I felt guilty (still do).
The X Factor is a good show and I'm so happy for everyone who got that precious 'Golden Ticket' to a second audition but I don't think I'll ever audition again. I don't want to feel that embarrassed again and I'm, clearly, not good enough anyway.
Not sure what else to say. That was my X Factor experience. Good luck to everyone who gets through and does well etcetera. I really am happy for them.
The audition itself was awful. I got into the little black 'box' type thing and met a lovely man called Barney who looked quite young (mid-twenties maybe?). He was really nice and kind and he had a matching 'Saint Christopher (Patron Saint of Travelling thing on his neck (I wear a silver necklace my mum got me for my 16th birthday with Saint Christopher engraved or whatever into the silver) thingy around his neck. He asked me a few questions and I answered them (couldn't tell you what those questions were or what I answered). After that, he told me to sing. So I did. And that's when everything else went wrong. I sang 'Ronan' by Taylor Swift and it was terrible. I didn't know where to look or what to do with my hands and I looked at him (Barney) a few times because I was panicking about whether or not eye-contact was good whilst singing a song. He stopped me just before I got to the 'And what if I'm standing in your closet trying to talk to you' bit and said 'I'm sorry but it's a 'no'. I think I said something after that but I don't remember what. I just tried to get out and find Jane. When I did, we left and went back to the train station.
I wasn't surprised as such. Nevertheless, I felt embarrassed and like I wasn't good enough. I know it's ridiculous but I think it's an automatic response to rejection. No matter what I told myself about me not being that bad of a singer, suddenly there was Barney's voice telling me that I wasn't any good. Maybe I was good but just not 'X Factor' good. I don't know. The whole thing's just humiliating. I'm not upset at a 'missed opportunity' or whatever. The rejection isn't nice though and I feel sick and embarrassed whenever I think about it. Yes, it's only been a few hours (seven to be exact) but it's still raw. I was also a little annoyed at the fact that I'd barely slept and that my mum and best friend had gotten up early for absolutely no reason. I felt guilty (still do).
The X Factor is a good show and I'm so happy for everyone who got that precious 'Golden Ticket' to a second audition but I don't think I'll ever audition again. I don't want to feel that embarrassed again and I'm, clearly, not good enough anyway.
Not sure what else to say. That was my X Factor experience. Good luck to everyone who gets through and does well etcetera. I really am happy for them.
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