Darren Dream (Yes, I mention a dream I had last night. It's brief. Deal with it)

So, Darren Criss started his #ListenUp tour last night at the Fillmore in San Francisco. First, I'd like to say that I am incredibly proud of him. I can't understand the fact that I feel so much for a man I have never met before and probably will never meet but I do. I just think he really deserves this. He's worked so hard for everything he's done and he's got and it's because of that fact (and his unbelievable) talent that he has it all.
Not to mention who he is as a person. I mean, he is amazing. Beyond his talent, he's intelligent, speaks fluent Italian and has an addictive personality. He will spend hours signing autographs for fans and he wrote a fricking letter to his fans the night The Break-Up aired on television (October 4th 2012. Here's a link to the letter, if you would like it https://www.facebook.com/darrencriss/posts/10151069497289147). Technically, the note was posted on the fifth at 33 minutes past midnight but still.
(I'd also like to point out that he had his mom drop him and his brother off to the venue of his first tour. If that doesn't make him the cutest thing to ever exist besides Blaine Anderson and puppies then I don't understand you)
He's just an incredible person. I wish him every success in the world and I truly can't wait to see him achieve all his dreams - both known and undiscovered.
Anyway, the dream part...
Right. Uhm, so I went to sleep earlier than I normally would (Ever since I finished school, my sleeping pattern has been totally fricked) and the dream started. What was weird about it though was that I woke up at three points in the night and, every time I fell back to sleep, the dream would continue where I left off. That doesn't normally happen. It also ended before I woke up for the last time so that was strange. Dreams don't normally 'end' for me; they just stop.
The Dream.
I went to sleep as normal and then woke up in a venue of some sort. Then Darren came out and started playing and I realised I was at his concert. I went with it for a while, took videos, etcetera and ended up talking to this really sweet girl called Anna and I stuck with her for the rest of the time. We danced and sang along to his songs and it was amazing.
When the concert finished, I was kind of at a loss for what to do (seeing as I was in America and I live in Britain and I didn't have anything with me besides my clothes and my phone for some reason. And my phone didn't even have credit so that was pointless. Anna gave me some money and we went for a bit of a wander.
When I got to the airport, I explained my situation to a security person who called my mum and said I'd been gone for two days. Anyway, it cost me £99 to get home and I got booked on a flight.
I thought it was a little bit strange but, at least, I was at the concert in spirit or whatever.
The next time Darren goes on tour, I really hope I can go. He's just breathtaking. His solos on Glee are flawless (I vote Blaine has a solo or sings lead or something in every episode) and his songs are brilliant. To see him perform would be... Words can't describe it.
I also need to see Taylor Swift in concert at some point in my life. I care about her the same way I care about Darren. I could write a book on them both and how much admiration and love I have for the two of them.
Anyway, I think I'm done. So, goodbye for now :)
Jess xoxo

X Factor

So, I got an email back after applying (In December) for the X Factor UK. My audition is tomorrow morning (Wednesday 1st May) at 8:00AM in Glasgow. I live in Edinburgh and I don't know anything about Glasgow, much less how to get to places from the Train Station. I'm extremely worried because I'm going on my own and that's terrifying. I really don't know what to do. I don't even know what song I'm going to sing when I get there! Nor do I have any money to get there with. I'll have to figure something out. Thankfully, I know the lyrics to hundreds of songs due to repeated singing of random songs. I can recite almost any song Taylor Swift has in her albums (Need to brush up a bit on her first album but I'm good with the others) and I know a majority of the songs Glee has covered. I'm considering singing 'Ronan' by Taylor Swift but I always get really emotional. That might be a good thing but I'm not sure. I could always go with a Darren Criss song from his album 'Human' or 'Teenage Dream'. I'm in a bit of a muddle. Hopefully, I'll figure it out but it will most-likely be very last-minute and slapdash. Unlike those of the auditionees that have been planning for this their whole lives. I feel like such a mess... Oh well. Wishing myself luck :S

Random Thoughts and Inner Turmoil (More 'Confusion' but whatever)

Today (or tomorrow as it's officially Midnight here in the UK), I stayed inside. I didn't sing as much and I didn't dance around my bedroom (or anywhere else in the house) at all. This means I'm depressed or sad or something. I'm not used to being sad. I normally try and distract myself somehow but it didn't work today. I lay around the house (mostly my bedroom) feeling sorry for myself over my lack of a future. I figure I'm allowed to. I came face to face with my dreams, the potential future I could have. It was so close I could almost taste it. The friends I would have, the dreams that would come true, the songs I would sing... Everything was finally falling into place but, now that my hopes and dreams have been shattered within seconds before even properly becoming a possibility, I am left right back where I started: alone, confused and scared. I'm scared because MGA was something that was real. It was a chance to prove to myself that I was better than what I imagined. That I actually mattered in this world somehow. Now that I've tasted the happiness I could have, I don't want to let it go and I hate that I have to! I auditioned on a whim to see if I could actually do it, never believing for a second that I could get in, but I got a place and I wanted it so badly. It sucks!
So, now, I'm sitting at my computer in my dark bedroom at seven minutes past midnight writing down my thoughts and feelings on something nobody's ever going to see or care about. It's like I'm talking to a therapist only this blog can't give me advice or take notes to refer back to later (not actually sure if that's what therapists do so I apologise for any false statements).
Maybe I'll take a year to go and 'find myself' or something. I never understand what people mean by that though. How can you 'find yourself'? To me, that makes no sense but I'm willing to try and find out what it means so that I can do it too. Just anything that'll give me something to focus on besides the shreds my dreams are being cut into.
I just feel like everyone's moving forward except me. My best friend got an unconditional to Edinburgh University, my other friend's going off to College and my last friend (Yes, I know it's pathetic that I only have three friends but I would have more if I could go to MGA. Damn it!) has a conditional to do a Drama thing at university. Getting that place at MGA made me feel like I was moving forward too. For once, I didn't feel like a failure. I wasn't just the 'stupid' one. I mattered and I was proud of myself.
I keep telling myself that 'everything happens for a reason' but what's the reason for this? What good is going to come from me not being able to go to my dream school and have friends who, not only respect what I want to do in life but, want the same things? What good is going to come from me being unhappy for another year or however long it takes for something good to happen?
I know I sound extremely ungrateful or whatever but I don't mean to.
Ever since I can remember, I have pinned all my hopes and dreams on 2013; the year I turned 17.
I was going to learn how to drive, finally move out and away from my family, go to college or university and do something I love, maybe even get a boyfriend. I was supposed to be happy. Truly happy. 2013 was supposed to be the year that everything changed for the better but none of that stuff's happened. I haven't learnt how to drive yet, I haven't moved out, I won't go to college or university because I'm not clever enough and don't have the money to pay for the school I want to go to and I don't have a boyfriend because, I guess, I'm just not pretty enough.
I'm trying really hard to see the silver lining to all of this and to stay optimistic but what if there isn't a silver lining? What if I'm just not meant to find true happiness or whatever? I guess, I'll just have to deal with it and hope something good happens soon.

On the upside, I did read Darren Criss' LiveJournal posts (someone posted them on Tumblr. I'm not a stalker, I promise) so they cheered me up for about ten minutes. He had some very random thoughts at 17. He should just write a book about all his thoughts. I'd read it.

Gotta Get Back To Hogwarts

Seriously need to stop quoting songs... I'll try and come up with an original title for my next post.

Anyway, the song I've taken my title from is from one of the best musicals ever created: 'A Very Potter Musical'. The song, 'Get Back To Hogwarts', is also brought back for the two sequels 'A Very Potter Sequel' and 'A Very Potter Senior Year'. On Friday (Also known by Klaine fans as Klaine's Two Year Anniversary), Team Starkid (The incredible, talented, inspiration group of people behind the parody musicals as well as others they have created such as 'Starship', 'Me and My Dick' and the infamous 'Space Tour. Not to mention the amazing 'Little White Lie') released the final instalment of their Harry Potter musicals onto YouTube.
I first found out about Team Starkid and 'AVPM' and 'AVPS' in 2010 (about a year after it came out), I think, when my friend Laura showed me a bit of 'AVPM' on her laptop. She was so excited about it and could sing all of the songs. At first, I didn't really get it but Laura insisted I went home and watched the rest of the musical. I did that and fell in love with everyone involved after that. It took me a little while until I watched the second musical though.

When I saw Darren Criss on Glee Season 2, episode 6 'Never Been Kissed', I didn't recognise him. I did, however, fall in love with Klaine (Kurt had been my favourite character up until then. As well as Rachel and Finn). Then I fell in love with Darren. His charisma, his charm and his overall everything (Putting into words how incredible (even that isn't a good enough word for him. Perfect might be closer but that's not quite good enough either). I'm also in love with Chris [Colfer] which is why I have read both his books (He's an incredible writer, it's unbelievable how talented he is. I'm so proud of everything he has accomplished so far and I can't wait to see him (and Darren) progress in the future. I know they'll both achieve so many things. I'm sure most of the Glee cast will) and watched his independent movie which he wrote himself. Didn't like seeing him die so much though. I actually cried... Anyway, this is about Darren and the rest of Team Starkid not my pathetic infatuation with the Glee actors and actresses... Yeah, so, I Googled Darren (Because I'm a creep and wanted to see more of his work) and found out he was in (and wrote some of the songs for) both of those musicals ('AVPM' and 'AVPS'). I then watched them both (The second one was my favourite) and fell even more in love with, not only Darren, but the entire cast. As the years went on (I say that like it was decades ago or something when it was really only the end of the last decade and this decade. What the frick am I going on about right now?), I watched 'Little White Lie', learnt the lyrics to all of the songs on Darren's EP 'Human' and learnt most of the lyrics to most of the songs in the musicals.

I was so excited when I heard that Team Starkid were going to release the last Potter musical they would ever do but I was also heartbroken. I don't want it to end! They filmed it at the same time that the horrible Glee episode known as 'The Break Up' was shot which meant that Darren had to fly out for it (Thankfully, Glee peeps let him). I'm still not over Klaine's breakup and I doubt I ever will be. It sucks. And all because they weren't the best at communicating their feelings to each other! And some other little problems but I'm not thinking straight right now because it sucks that they broke up! NO!
Right... Back to 'AVPSY' before I have a mental breakdown (21, Eternity, Soulmates etcetera. Just remember this!!!). I watched a bit of it on Saturday morning (I stayed up for it because Darren was Tweeting and I got excited), a bit more on Sunday and the whole of the second Act today. Act 2, Scene 6 made me cry. Darren at the end! His eyes were filled with tears which broke me. It must have been so hard for him. He went to college with these people, they're his friends and he is one of the co-founders of Starkid Productions. I'm not entirely sure if this is true but I think this might have been his last show with Starkid. At least for the foreseeable future. He just doesn't have time right now what with Glee and 'Imogene'/'Girl Most Likely' to promote. Plus, as he gets more and more established as an actor and gets more famous and more roles, he will have even less time. Not to mention if he brings out another album (God, I hope he brings out another album!). It must have been very emotional for him to be in that role again for the last time with all of his friends from college. I felt like his 'Totally Awesome' at the end before he walked off with Ron (I think that's what happened but my eyes were brimming with tears so I could be wrong about that) was a 'Goodbye' of sorts. Damn it Darren! Why do you have to keep breaking my heart?!

The point is that it was incredible, mind-blowing, sad (In the bittersweetest of ways and unforgettable. Team Starkid are sure to have brilliant careers and I can't wait to watch them do it (Sounding a bit like a creep but oh well. I'm proud of them!). Lauren Lopez (Draco Malfoy in the Potter Parodies) has already brought out an awesome Recipe Book and has even been in Chris Colfer's film 'Struck By Lightning' (Although, in my opinion, she should have been given a bigger role. She. Is. Flawless! And so talented). Joey Richter (who lives with Darren in LA and plays Ron Weasley) has been on Disney Channel's 'Jessie' (I think that's what it's called) and was even an 'Adam's Apple' (Not a bit fan of Adam to be honest. I don't mind him being friends with Kurt but I ship Klaine. Why can't Blaine fly to New York and tell Adam to 'Stay away from his future husband' like Finn did with Brody? (OMG! Awesome moment! Go Finn!)) on Glee! I know the others have had some awesome accomplishments but Joey and Lauren are two of my favourites (along with Darren, Joe Moses (One-man Showses), Brian Holden and the Lang's of course. Also love Meredith, Dylan Saunders, Joe Walker and Brian Rosenthal) so I thought I'd mention them.
Going to miss Darren working with Team Starkid as he is truly home when he is with them but I wish them all the luck in the world for their future. If you haven't watched the musicals then I really urge you to. Even if you hate musicals! Watch it and I dare you not to be impressed. I guess, now that I've seen them all, I'll go back to the start. Where it all began.

I don't wanna see you go, but it's not forever, not forever! Even it was, you now that I would never let it get me down. You're the part of me that makes me better, wherever I go! So I will try not to cry-- but no one needs to say goodbye...
Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts, it's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends, to Gryffindors! Hufflepuffs! Ravenclaws! Slytherins! Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! "Man, I'm glad we went back!"

P.S. I stole all of the pictures! Consider me a big old photo-thief :P

Dancing With Myself

So, ever since I got my acceptance letter, I've kinda been panicking. It's really expensive and, if I somehow manage to do it, I'll have to do it on my own (Like, find out about financing etcetera on my own and take out a loan or whatever). It's been worrying me since Thursday 7th (Letter day). On one hand, this is my dream (well, not exactly but it will help towards my dream) and I don't want to end up as one of those people who regrets doing everything possible to achieve their dreams. On the other hand, it's going to be really difficult. I don't even know if I can get the money together by Sunday (17th). I'm, pretty much, the most panicked I've ever been in my entire life. Why didn't I think about all of this before I auditioned? Oh yeah, because I'm an idiot! No, truthfully, I never actually thought I'd get in in the first place. I didn't think I was good enough (still don't) and I'm genuinely confused as to how it happened. Anyway, that's what I need to figure out this week. I also need to keep this from my family. My gran doesn't really care, my aunt is just focussing on all of the negatives and my mum is trying but she doesn't need to worry about this. I am perfectly capable of handling it on my own. Like I've done with most things.
As for the title, it refers to a song that was covered on Glee where Artie had a dream sequence type thing and got up and did this crazy dance thing in a shopping centre (mall). I've been trying to lift up my spirits by dancing around my house in my pyjamas. (What am I talking about? I do that when I'm not sad!). I've been singing and dancing around my bedroom and the kitchen (Kinda difficult to really dance in the shower what with it being so slippery but I do try. I also dance a little in the hall and living room when people are out but my dancing's mostly refrained to the kitchen (when I'm making food) and my bedroom) a bit more than often though (that's probably not true).
I'm hoping the next few days go a bit better but, whatever happens, one thing's for sure; AVPSY is coming out on YouTube on Klaine's 2-year Anniversary! Their Klainiversary, if you will (I'm so embarrassed of myself right now but I'm also really excited so I don't care that much)! I can't wait! I'm sure it'll be incredible (Because Starkid are incredible. In fact, there aren't any words awesome enough to describe them. The point is that it will be perfection). I have a feeling that it's going to be quite bittersweet though. On one hand, I'm really excited to see it because I've been looking forward to seeing this since I found out they were doing it while Darren was filming 'The Break Up' episode back in July. On the other hand though (Yes, it's the second time I've done this in this little blog thing but I don't care), it's the last Harry Potter themed musical that Starkid are going to do and it's going to be really sad when it ends. I don't want it to end! There's also the thought about what Darren was filming on Glee at this time. That's not too happy. Oh well...