An Edinburgh Girl

I changed my name again. If anyone knows me, they should know that I'm indecisive. I think I changed my Twitter name about fifty or sixty times before deciding on the one I have now (msjessjohnston). My first Twitter name was JessJohnstonR1. Because my name is Jessica Johnston and my register class in High School was R1 (Raeburn 1). After that, it varied from JessJohnton17 to MissEnchantedUK (after the Taylor Swift song). Then it was a few other ones and, now, I'm content.
So, I changed the blog name because I decided to.
It is now 'An Edinburgh Girl' because I like the fact that, wherever I go or whatever I'm doing, I'll always be that. I could live in Spain but I'll always be An Edinburgh Girl. Also, Edinburgh Girl was taken so... But I still like the name.
Not that I truly believe anyone but me will ever read this but I like to think that, when I look over this or add to it in the next few years, I'll be able to smile and remember the good times I had in Edinburgh. I don't know why but I feel like I'm going to move at some point. And I want to remember this city because it really is very important to me. It's home.

13 Days...

Woah... It's been 13 days since I last wrote anything. In that time, I had my first 'Saturday Night Out' for my best friend's 18th (We went to some random bar near town and her cousin and a few of his friends joined us later. Nothing too interesting. I was mostly laughed at for my severe lack of knowledge in knowing where any countries are. Sorry if I'm not a fricking map or atlas or Google. It's not like knowing where Chile is is going to be super important to me in my future is it? (If it is, I'll learn where the frick it is but, until then, I'm completely content with not giving a flying frick. No offence to Chile or anyone who lives there or whatever). Not much else happened really), read 'The Fault In Our Stars' by John Green (I'd actually been meaning to do this for a while. I cried at Chapter 13 and at several points after that because I have a problem of feeling too much for characters etcetera and imagining myself in their positions. As a whole, the book was incredible. It made me laugh, cry, smile and actually think about things. I only have one question for John Green: What the Hell happened to Hazel afterwards? Did she die? Did she live? What did she do? Damn you John Green for leaving me to ponder so many things. Still an excellent book), wrote a few songs and went to Barcelona for a week (Left on the 24th March (The day after my first ever night out) and got back on April Fools Day (Also known as the Mishapocalypse on Tumblr). I stayed with my aunt, uncle and their three-year-old. It was noisy and I needed space after a few days of non-stop 'sightseeing'. Seriously, we were out every single day! The constant running around added to the never-ending noise and the lack of privacy drove me mad! After much, much arguing with my aunt, she let me stay in on my own for the day. The computer was off, I didn't know how to work the TV and I wasn't allowed to touch anything. I felt a bit like a five-year-old to be honest. But it was quiet! Oh so quiet! Unfortunately, that quietness only lasted five hours and then it was back to noise. It was good while it lasted though. Later that same night, my aunt and uncle's married friends Sandra and Paco and Geordie and Ruth came over for dinner. They were all very lovely and they tried to speak English with me which was nice (I also attempted to speak some Spanish). The next day, we met Sandra, Paco and their adorable little puppy. We went to this small town in Spain called 'Besalu'. It was so beautiful there. I could have spent the entire day wandering around. I swear, it looked like something out of a fairytale. Not really sure what else to say about my trip. I had some fun, had some bad times but, in the end, I was glad I went. My aunt's suggested I move there for a while but I'm not sure. I'd rather have an idea of what my life's going to be before I do anything that drastic). Since then, I've been in bed, sick. I've caught up with friends and TV shows (Let's Get Ready To Rhumble is number fricking one in the UK!!! So happy! Go Ant and Dec!) and tried to focus on getting better.
I also got an email from the Murray Grant Academy for the Performing Arts. They said I could pay 200 and something pounds per month instead of paying the £1250 deposit and then a bunch of money each month. It's my last chance and I'm still stunned to have even gotten another one. I know what I want to do but, again, I don't know if I can do it. In my dream last night, I was in a music video type thing. I was walking around, seeing myself at different stages of my life and doing different things whilst singing the song 'Never Grow Up' by Taylor Swift. The dream ended with me sitting alone in my bedroom, holding a photo of me when I was two in my hands. I looked up at myself and who I am now in the mirror. I looked sad, lost even. It wasn't nice. It was also quite dark in my bedroom. One part of the song in particular kinda keeps swirling around in my mind:
'Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh, I don't wanna grow up,
Wish I'd never grown up
I could still be littleOh, I don't wanna grow up,
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple'
I really wish I could be back there sometimes. In my past. Getting Princess dresses every year at Christmas time, playing 'Twin Sisters' with my best friend Jane in my Primary School Playground. Things were a lot simpler. Then again, I can't live in the past. Living in the past only prevents you from growing in the future. I can wish away my problems as much as I want but it's only going to hold me back. It's not going to erase the problems from my life.Wishing on a star will only get you so far. If I want my problems to go away, I have to figure out a way to solve them myself. I'll get there... someday. I honestly believe that.

Reflecting On My Trip To South Africa...

So, I've been back for a few days now and, even though I've been really sick ever since (You do not even want to hear about my embarrassing encounter with a student doctor yesterday... Basically, I held his hand for a little while because it was cold and I was too hot. That sounds worse than it was and it's not even the only embarrassingly inappropriate thing I did but it's the only one I can bring myself to type. I hope he has a very successful career in whatever field he chooses to go into), I haven't stopped wishing I was back in South Africa. People were incredibly friendly and I felt welcomed and loved at the schools I visited. The food was incredible and I enjoyed singing and dancing with loads of people at Dloko on Valentine's Day and again the day after. I really hope I get to go back there someday (Hopefully, within the next couple of years).
I went to South Africa thinking that I probably wasn't going to like it very much but at least I would have the experience and left South Africa wishing I could stay. It's something I would recommend to anyone. I don't feel that the trip has changed me necessarily (at least, not in any major ways) but I do feel that I've come away from it a little braver and a little less scared of change and trying new things (I tried octopus, for example, while there. Didn't like it. Kinda chewy and a bit rubbery. Not that I've eaten rubber but you get what I mean. At least I tried it though. That's the point). Last week, I sang in front of groups of people, which is something I'd never done before and had always been afraid to do. On Friday, however, I willingly sang several different songs to a group of girls at Zwelibanzi High School. This may not seem like a big deal but, to me, it is. At the beginning of last week when I first went to Zwelibanzi High School, two girls asked me to sing for them and I wouldn't do it for ages because I found it too scary. When I finally did sing, it wasn't for long and I was very quiet. Five days later, I was singing in front of those same girls and a couple more people. I was proud and happy and I loved it. It's amazing how much one person can change in the space of a few days. Although, I stick to my statement that I haven't changed much in other ways. I'm still the person I always have been, I just think I'm a little more open-minded than I was before. I feel like I'm contradicting myself a little but, seeing as I'm the only person who will ever read this (probably. Don't see why anyone else would want to. I'm not a particularly interesting person), I feel like I'm allowed to as I understand what I'm trying to say. Here are a few pictures of my trip...

I really, truly hope that I get to return one day and do some more volunteering and meet up with some of the friends I made whilst over there. It was an unforgettable experience and it has a very large room in my heart (apparently, my heart is like a house). It was the best of times... it was the worst of times...

South Africa: Sunday and Monday

Sunday: On Sunday, I got up early to have a shower and finish packing. We had to check out by ten but our flight wasn't until after six so we went to a shopping centre for about four hours (11:30AM - 3:50PM). It was so fun...
At the airport, we got checked in and stuff. A few of the teachers from the schools we visited came along and I talked to a teacher whose Zulu class I sat in. She complimented me on my singing and dancing (apparently, she saw me on Friday... Slightly embarrassing but she was very sweet). Then it was time to move on again so I had to say goodbye. Still on the plane while writing this so I can't say how it went. So far, I've fallen asleep watching 'Rebel Without A Cause' and now I'm watching 'Jailhouse Rock'. Guess I'm in a 'classic' mood. I liked the first one (at least until I fell asleep anyway) and I've got about an hour left of the second film but it's been really good so far.
Monday: 'Jailhouse Rock' was really good. I loved it!
After trying to get through all of 'Rebel Without A Cause' for a second time and failing (due to exhaustion taking over), I gave up and just slept on and off for a few hours. Tried watching 'Citizen Kane' but I couldn't make it through that either without falling asleep. When I woke up, I watched 'Pitch Perfect' and a bit of 'A Bug's Life'.
Soon though, it was time to get off the plane, find my suitcase and get on the coach to make the short journey back to Edinburgh from Glasgow airport. I began to feel worse and worse as the drive went on. It wasn't great. My sister phoned me and I could barely talk. When I got home, I went straight to bed. I can't remember much else.