X Factor Failure

Today, I got up at 5:00AM (After an hour and a half's sleep...) and got dressed and ready to leave the house shortly after six. My mum picked me up and we went to collect my best friend Jane (who said she'd come with me) from her house. After that, we paid £21.80 for return train tickets to Glasgow. When we got there, we got another train to the SECC where the auditions were being held. We were then made to wait for three hours in the cold and pouring rain (my feet were so numb I was worried they'd fall off) while certain TV people did TV stuff (Dermot O'Leery was there). We had to 'Woo' and cheer etcetera along with some 'silent cheering'. It was awful and I was freezing. I get why they did it and I'm not trying to be rude or anything. It was just really cold. We then walked around from the BBC building to the SECC. After that, I waited another three hours (6 hours in total, if you're counting) until my row (somewhere in 'sector' K or something) got called down to audition. By this point, I was tired and desperate to go home.
The audition itself was awful. I got into the little black 'box' type thing and met a lovely man called Barney who looked quite young (mid-twenties maybe?). He was really nice and kind and he had a matching 'Saint Christopher (Patron Saint of Travelling thing on his neck (I wear a silver necklace my mum got me for my 16th birthday with Saint Christopher engraved or whatever into the silver) thingy around his neck. He asked me a few questions and I answered them (couldn't tell you what those questions were or what I answered). After that, he told me to sing. So I did. And that's when everything else went wrong. I sang 'Ronan' by Taylor Swift and it was terrible. I didn't know where to look or what to do with my hands and I looked at him (Barney) a few times because I was panicking about whether or not eye-contact was good whilst singing a song. He stopped me just before I got to the 'And what if I'm standing in your closet trying to talk to you' bit and said 'I'm sorry but it's a 'no'. I think I said something after that but I don't remember what. I just tried to get out and find Jane. When I did, we left and went back to the train station.
I wasn't surprised as such. Nevertheless, I felt embarrassed and like I wasn't good enough. I know it's ridiculous but I think it's an automatic response to rejection. No matter what I told myself about me not being that bad of a singer, suddenly there was Barney's voice telling me that I wasn't any good. Maybe I was good but just not 'X Factor' good. I don't know. The whole thing's just humiliating. I'm not upset at a 'missed opportunity' or whatever. The rejection isn't nice though and I feel sick and embarrassed whenever I think about it. Yes, it's only been a few hours (seven to be exact) but it's still raw. I was also a little annoyed at the fact that I'd barely slept and that my mum and best friend had gotten up early for absolutely no reason. I felt guilty (still do).
The X Factor is a good show and I'm so happy for everyone who got that precious 'Golden Ticket' to a second audition but I don't think I'll ever audition again. I don't want to feel that embarrassed again and I'm, clearly, not good enough anyway.
Not sure what else to say. That was my X Factor experience. Good luck to everyone who gets through and does well etcetera. I really am happy for them.

X Factor

So, I got an email back after applying (In December) for the X Factor UK. My audition is tomorrow morning (Wednesday 1st May) at 8:00AM in Glasgow. I live in Edinburgh and I don't know anything about Glasgow, much less how to get to places from the Train Station. I'm extremely worried because I'm going on my own and that's terrifying. I really don't know what to do. I don't even know what song I'm going to sing when I get there! Nor do I have any money to get there with. I'll have to figure something out. Thankfully, I know the lyrics to hundreds of songs due to repeated singing of random songs. I can recite almost any song Taylor Swift has in her albums (Need to brush up a bit on her first album but I'm good with the others) and I know a majority of the songs Glee has covered. I'm considering singing 'Ronan' by Taylor Swift but I always get really emotional. That might be a good thing but I'm not sure. I could always go with a Darren Criss song from his album 'Human' or 'Teenage Dream'. I'm in a bit of a muddle. Hopefully, I'll figure it out but it will most-likely be very last-minute and slapdash. Unlike those of the auditionees that have been planning for this their whole lives. I feel like such a mess... Oh well. Wishing myself luck :S

Now Life Has Killed The Dream I Dreamed

Yes, I quoted the 'Les Miserables' song in my title. It was the only way I could sum up my feelings right now.
As you might be able to tell (Or remember as I'm the only one who will read this. Probably), I'm a little depressed right now. This is over-dramatic  I know but today pretty much confirmed that I won't be able to go to MGA Academy for the Performing Arts. At least not this year anyway. I went to the bank today but, apparently, they don't do any student loans. I have never net nicer, more friendly and talented people in my entire life and, I know it sounds silly to say but, I really felt like my life would change for good (Yes, now I've quoted 'Wicked' too) if I did this course. Singing is something I have always wanted to do and I would have loved to learn how to do it properly and act and dance as well. For the first time in my life, I was willing to work really hard for what I wanted. I've tried being optimistic and I'm still hopeful that a miracle will happen and I will find a way to make sure I am able to go this year. If I can't find a way somehow, I might just try and work really hard for the next year. Go to some dance classes, try and appear in a few shows. Technically, I'm starting this a bit late but it is something that I really want and I can't give up on it. I just really don't know what I'm going to do. I'm all alone with this. I have to do it completely on my own and I thought it would be okay but, apparently, I need people more than I thought.
Oh well... This sucks.

Dancing With Myself

So, ever since I got my acceptance letter, I've kinda been panicking. It's really expensive and, if I somehow manage to do it, I'll have to do it on my own (Like, find out about financing etcetera on my own and take out a loan or whatever). It's been worrying me since Thursday 7th (Letter day). On one hand, this is my dream (well, not exactly but it will help towards my dream) and I don't want to end up as one of those people who regrets doing everything possible to achieve their dreams. On the other hand, it's going to be really difficult. I don't even know if I can get the money together by Sunday (17th). I'm, pretty much, the most panicked I've ever been in my entire life. Why didn't I think about all of this before I auditioned? Oh yeah, because I'm an idiot! No, truthfully, I never actually thought I'd get in in the first place. I didn't think I was good enough (still don't) and I'm genuinely confused as to how it happened. Anyway, that's what I need to figure out this week. I also need to keep this from my family. My gran doesn't really care, my aunt is just focussing on all of the negatives and my mum is trying but she doesn't need to worry about this. I am perfectly capable of handling it on my own. Like I've done with most things.
As for the title, it refers to a song that was covered on Glee where Artie had a dream sequence type thing and got up and did this crazy dance thing in a shopping centre (mall). I've been trying to lift up my spirits by dancing around my house in my pyjamas. (What am I talking about? I do that when I'm not sad!). I've been singing and dancing around my bedroom and the kitchen (Kinda difficult to really dance in the shower what with it being so slippery but I do try. I also dance a little in the hall and living room when people are out but my dancing's mostly refrained to the kitchen (when I'm making food) and my bedroom) a bit more than often though (that's probably not true).
I'm hoping the next few days go a bit better but, whatever happens, one thing's for sure; AVPSY is coming out on YouTube on Klaine's 2-year Anniversary! Their Klainiversary, if you will (I'm so embarrassed of myself right now but I'm also really excited so I don't care that much)! I can't wait! I'm sure it'll be incredible (Because Starkid are incredible. In fact, there aren't any words awesome enough to describe them. The point is that it will be perfection). I have a feeling that it's going to be quite bittersweet though. On one hand, I'm really excited to see it because I've been looking forward to seeing this since I found out they were doing it while Darren was filming 'The Break Up' episode back in July. On the other hand though (Yes, it's the second time I've done this in this little blog thing but I don't care), it's the last Harry Potter themed musical that Starkid are going to do and it's going to be really sad when it ends. I don't want it to end! There's also the thought about what Darren was filming on Glee at this time. That's not too happy. Oh well...

Organized Motherfricker

In preparation for my imminent audition on Sunday, I have been doing something fairly out of character for the lazy human being known as me (aka Jessica May Grace Johnston) which means I have actually been trying. Today, I have been working on my songs and I'm just about to watch myself perform both songs in front of my mirror and try to act to them. That actually sounds quite creepy and weird and it probably is but it is necessary. I need to do well on the third of March (aka Sunday). Tomorrow, I will make a start on memorizing my Macbeth monologue... Yeah. We'll see how that goes (probably pretty darn awful, if you ask me)... I am not the best actor...

Audition

This post is way more optimistic. As promised.
Tonight, I went to an Open Evening at the MGA Academy. It. Was. Awesome! I was going to go with a friend but she cancelled last-minute (understandably. She's not really into the whole singing/acting thing so she probably wouldn't have enjoyed it). Anyway, I walked in on my own and met a really nice guy (He also got my 'Glee' reference later on about feeling like Rachel Berry when her and Kurt went to that NYADA open day in Season 3 so, of course, I loved him) called Robert. I kinda just stuck with him because he seemed nice and I was a little terrified. We talked to a few students and things before having a tour of the Academy. It's quite small but they only accept about 30 students or so to a course every year (I think it's that anyway... Might be wrong). After the tour, Robert and I (along with a few other people who had come along to the open evening) went to watch the dancers. They were incredible. So flexible and coordinated... I just can't. It was too stunning. After that, we went to see the singers. They were impeccable. I couldn't stop staring! I immediately wished that I had their talent and stage presence. They were all so confident! It was nauseating how good they were. It made me a little nervous. I kept thinking 'I can't dance like that...', 'There's no way I could sing that well!' and 'Well, I'm screwed.'
After the singing, we talked to a few of the students again. Everyone was so nice and passionate! I just wanted to be a part of it all so much (even though it's twelve - fourteen hour days and a lot of hard work). it's worth it. Now I just have to try to figure out how to act by Sunday... And learn it... Frick.
My audition piece's are a monologue from Macbeth where Lady Macbeth tries to persuade Macbeth to kill the king, 'Hopelessly Devoted To You' from Grease for my musical theatre song and 'Locked Out of Heaven' by Bruno Mars or Sting for my 'any genre song'. I'm good with the Grease song (I've been singing it for years) but I need to work on 'Locked Out of Heaven'... I am the least sexy person I know and that song oozes sex. It's also a bit more risqué than I'm used to. Kinda more of a ballad type person. And I don't even want to think about the monologue... Too terrifying for words...
Hoping my audition goes well on Sunday. Robert's audition for the same course in on Sunday too so, at least, I'll know someone.
Fingers crossed...

South Africa: Friday and Saturday

Friday: We went to both Zwelibanzi and Dloko. It was really fun! We went to Dloko first and they sang and danced and performed for us. We also got up and sang with them which was great. One girl danced right in front of me and I thought she was going to kick me (she didn't, thankfully) but it was so good! I took so many photos!
At Zwelibanzi, they did a performance as well which was equally amazing. I gave my buddy (most awesome person ever) a ring I've had for three years (and wear constantly) and my kilt thing from dancing. She was so happy! I gave her chocolates. It was so sweet! She started crying though when we were leaving which was really sad so I started singing a bunch of songs to try and bring her mood up. It worked and we just sang for a while. It was lovely. I've never sang so much in my life!
Dinner was at a place called 'Hemingways' and it was fine. I was a bit too tired to really have any fun but I enjoyed talking to a couple of teachers and fellow students on the way back. Twas much fun.
Saturday: Today, we went to a couple of markets. I spent quite a lot of money... I hope everyone likes their presents! I bought a few skirts, bracelets and necklaces (all African themed of course. I'm not exactly going to go to Africa and buy a Union Jack bracelet am I? As much as I love all things British) and a couple of bags. Also got two rings from a great jeweller called Chantel Wild who designs amazing things (I'll put the link to her website somewhere below or something so that whoever reads this in the future (me) can look at more of her beautiful jewellery. We went to a water park and it was so cool! I met a guy called Keaton (that's probably not how you spell it but you get the idea) and he was telling me about the ride we were about to go on (a tornado thing or something. Whatever. It was really fun anyway). He was really nice (also really hot which was an added bonus). When I told him we were from the UK, he said I didn't sound it so I talked in an English accent for a little bit which was funny (well, it was for me. Not sure if he enjoyed it as much as I did). The rides were awesome! I loved it!
Dinner was really fun! I got loads of pictures and talked to so many people! I had a really long talk about Zulu (not sure if that's right but I'll go with it) marriage requirements with two South Africans and a guy from my school which was interesting. Apparently, to be worthy of marriage to a virgin woman, a man must buy her eleven cows. It was a really funny conversation.
http://www.wildbydesign.co.za/ <---- Link to Jewellery thingy I mentioned earlier in this post.

South Africa: Thursday

I went back to Dloko but for the whole day this time. It was so much fun! I don't tend to sing in front of people (besides when I'm singing to myself) but I sang constantly! Two teachers and a couple of students told me I had a really nice voice which was really sweet. I think it was just because I was singing so much and I hadn't really done that before. It was amazing! I had so much fun! I helped teach the choir some dances and a couple of songs ('Loch Lomond' and 'Auld Lang Syne') which, I think, they really enjoyed. I also taught a few non-choir girls the lyrics to 'Loch Lomond'. They taught us a couple of South African songs too. It was awesome! A few students pulled me into their group and taught me the song and dance while the teachers and other students in the room were taught by the choir teacher. It was really fun singing and dancing with them!
Seeing as it was Valentine's Day, the restaurant we went to was decorated (there were rose petals and glittery things on the table) which was okay. I'm not really a huge fan of it (the moan of a single girl who's fine being single until February 14th comes along and reminds her that no one loves her...). I ordered a glass of rosé and the guy beside me laughed a little. In the end, him and his friends ordered a bottle and split it between them. They got another bottle later on. I feel like they might have been mocking me a little bit but it was kinda funny seeing them drink it. Especially as they didn't even like it.