X Factor Failure

Today, I got up at 5:00AM (After an hour and a half's sleep...) and got dressed and ready to leave the house shortly after six. My mum picked me up and we went to collect my best friend Jane (who said she'd come with me) from her house. After that, we paid £21.80 for return train tickets to Glasgow. When we got there, we got another train to the SECC where the auditions were being held. We were then made to wait for three hours in the cold and pouring rain (my feet were so numb I was worried they'd fall off) while certain TV people did TV stuff (Dermot O'Leery was there). We had to 'Woo' and cheer etcetera along with some 'silent cheering'. It was awful and I was freezing. I get why they did it and I'm not trying to be rude or anything. It was just really cold. We then walked around from the BBC building to the SECC. After that, I waited another three hours (6 hours in total, if you're counting) until my row (somewhere in 'sector' K or something) got called down to audition. By this point, I was tired and desperate to go home.
The audition itself was awful. I got into the little black 'box' type thing and met a lovely man called Barney who looked quite young (mid-twenties maybe?). He was really nice and kind and he had a matching 'Saint Christopher (Patron Saint of Travelling thing on his neck (I wear a silver necklace my mum got me for my 16th birthday with Saint Christopher engraved or whatever into the silver) thingy around his neck. He asked me a few questions and I answered them (couldn't tell you what those questions were or what I answered). After that, he told me to sing. So I did. And that's when everything else went wrong. I sang 'Ronan' by Taylor Swift and it was terrible. I didn't know where to look or what to do with my hands and I looked at him (Barney) a few times because I was panicking about whether or not eye-contact was good whilst singing a song. He stopped me just before I got to the 'And what if I'm standing in your closet trying to talk to you' bit and said 'I'm sorry but it's a 'no'. I think I said something after that but I don't remember what. I just tried to get out and find Jane. When I did, we left and went back to the train station.
I wasn't surprised as such. Nevertheless, I felt embarrassed and like I wasn't good enough. I know it's ridiculous but I think it's an automatic response to rejection. No matter what I told myself about me not being that bad of a singer, suddenly there was Barney's voice telling me that I wasn't any good. Maybe I was good but just not 'X Factor' good. I don't know. The whole thing's just humiliating. I'm not upset at a 'missed opportunity' or whatever. The rejection isn't nice though and I feel sick and embarrassed whenever I think about it. Yes, it's only been a few hours (seven to be exact) but it's still raw. I was also a little annoyed at the fact that I'd barely slept and that my mum and best friend had gotten up early for absolutely no reason. I felt guilty (still do).
The X Factor is a good show and I'm so happy for everyone who got that precious 'Golden Ticket' to a second audition but I don't think I'll ever audition again. I don't want to feel that embarrassed again and I'm, clearly, not good enough anyway.
Not sure what else to say. That was my X Factor experience. Good luck to everyone who gets through and does well etcetera. I really am happy for them.

X Factor

So, I got an email back after applying (In December) for the X Factor UK. My audition is tomorrow morning (Wednesday 1st May) at 8:00AM in Glasgow. I live in Edinburgh and I don't know anything about Glasgow, much less how to get to places from the Train Station. I'm extremely worried because I'm going on my own and that's terrifying. I really don't know what to do. I don't even know what song I'm going to sing when I get there! Nor do I have any money to get there with. I'll have to figure something out. Thankfully, I know the lyrics to hundreds of songs due to repeated singing of random songs. I can recite almost any song Taylor Swift has in her albums (Need to brush up a bit on her first album but I'm good with the others) and I know a majority of the songs Glee has covered. I'm considering singing 'Ronan' by Taylor Swift but I always get really emotional. That might be a good thing but I'm not sure. I could always go with a Darren Criss song from his album 'Human' or 'Teenage Dream'. I'm in a bit of a muddle. Hopefully, I'll figure it out but it will most-likely be very last-minute and slapdash. Unlike those of the auditionees that have been planning for this their whole lives. I feel like such a mess... Oh well. Wishing myself luck :S

Frick.

I would love to have chosen a better title for this post but I feel like that one word manages to sum up all my feelings perfectly.
Today was my audition. I was looking forward to it (even though I was extremely nervous and terrified). I thought that the dancing would be funny, the acting horrible and the singing easy. I was wrong. The dancing was horrible! I was trying to smile but I couldn't do it and my leg didn't go very high and it was all a disaster. And I pulled a muscle or something in my right leg so it was all really painful (this is what happens when people who never exercise do even the tiniest bit). I'm sure the dance teacher person thought I was a joke. Probably not actually. He seemed too nice. Still. I was pretty bad.
The acting wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be but it was still bad. The thing is though, I actually tried really hard and I knew my lines! I'll admit that I only learnt it the hour before the audition started but I had it, I really did! I practised in the bathroom a few times and I knew it really well and I was having fun. As soon as I entered the room though, it all went in the pooper. I was awful. I kept messing up the lines and getting flustered. Basically, I was dreadful.
And as for the singing... This was the one area that I was confident in. I was sort of looking forward to it actually. I knew both songs off by heart and I was ready to sing even though I've never sung (properly) in front of more than one other person. I got in there, started singing 'Hopelessly Devoted To You' after singing a really quick snipit of 'Locked Out Of Heaven' because one of the directors didn't know what song it was. I got to the end of the chorus and they stopped me (obviously, I panicked). Anyway, they told me they wanted more power or something. I am not a belter. Therefore, I continued panicking. I then had to shout for a few times and I don't think I did it right then either. They didn't ask to hear 'Locked Out Of Heaven'.
After a ridiculous amount of apologies, I left the room (only two apologies but still). I talked to the friends I had made that day about how awful it had went. It was one of those moments when you realise that the thing you're most proud of about yourself, your greatest skill is actually not very good at all. I feel like crap. I was, obviously, too awful for them to be able to stand hearing me sing another song. Or wreck it rather.
I stayed for a while after that until the end and listened to a director talk about the course. It's really interesting and it'll suck when I get that letter saying I haven't made it into the course. Oh well. I tried, I suppose. There's always next year...
On a lighter note, when I got home, I discovered that the 'Girl Most Likely' (or is it 'Imogene'? I don't know! There was a name change a while ago and it's all too confusing for me) trailer had been released. Being a fan of Darren Criss, the fact that he is in a new movie and is half-naked at times and is, generally  perfection brought my mood up a little. I'm so proud of him! He'll never know (nor will he ever care) but I am so happy for him. He is one of the most talented people I have ever had the pleasure of watching on TV and YouTube and I can't think of anyone who deserves it more. Just going to have to ignore the fact that Kristen Wiig (Is that how you spell her name?) gets to kiss him, dance with him, pretend to have a crush on him or whatever and pretend to have had sex with him or I'll get extremely jealous. Screw it, I'm already jealous. That's not the point though. I'm really proud of him and I can't wait to see his new movie when it comes out later this year.

Audition

This post is way more optimistic. As promised.
Tonight, I went to an Open Evening at the MGA Academy. It. Was. Awesome! I was going to go with a friend but she cancelled last-minute (understandably. She's not really into the whole singing/acting thing so she probably wouldn't have enjoyed it). Anyway, I walked in on my own and met a really nice guy (He also got my 'Glee' reference later on about feeling like Rachel Berry when her and Kurt went to that NYADA open day in Season 3 so, of course, I loved him) called Robert. I kinda just stuck with him because he seemed nice and I was a little terrified. We talked to a few students and things before having a tour of the Academy. It's quite small but they only accept about 30 students or so to a course every year (I think it's that anyway... Might be wrong). After the tour, Robert and I (along with a few other people who had come along to the open evening) went to watch the dancers. They were incredible. So flexible and coordinated... I just can't. It was too stunning. After that, we went to see the singers. They were impeccable. I couldn't stop staring! I immediately wished that I had their talent and stage presence. They were all so confident! It was nauseating how good they were. It made me a little nervous. I kept thinking 'I can't dance like that...', 'There's no way I could sing that well!' and 'Well, I'm screwed.'
After the singing, we talked to a few of the students again. Everyone was so nice and passionate! I just wanted to be a part of it all so much (even though it's twelve - fourteen hour days and a lot of hard work). it's worth it. Now I just have to try to figure out how to act by Sunday... And learn it... Frick.
My audition piece's are a monologue from Macbeth where Lady Macbeth tries to persuade Macbeth to kill the king, 'Hopelessly Devoted To You' from Grease for my musical theatre song and 'Locked Out of Heaven' by Bruno Mars or Sting for my 'any genre song'. I'm good with the Grease song (I've been singing it for years) but I need to work on 'Locked Out of Heaven'... I am the least sexy person I know and that song oozes sex. It's also a bit more risqué than I'm used to. Kinda more of a ballad type person. And I don't even want to think about the monologue... Too terrifying for words...
Hoping my audition goes well on Sunday. Robert's audition for the same course in on Sunday too so, at least, I'll know someone.
Fingers crossed...