Breastfeeding

Another day, another Buzzfeed article to comment on...
This time, one of my favourite celebrity chefs has come under scrutiny for telling women they should breastfeed.

When I first saw the title of the article, I will admit that I slightly rolled my eyes.
I thought 'Seriously? He's promoting breastfeeding in a positive way. Why are people getting so upset?'. After reading though, I realized that it's more than that.
Women aren't upset that it's another male voice preaching about what women should and shouldn't do - they're upset because it puts added pressure on mothers who are unable to breastfeed.
Of course, the health benefits of breastfeeding are well documented and everyone's aware of how good it is for your baby but many women can't breastfeed for medical reasons (mastitis and cracked nipples making it too painful) or their babies won't latch on. These physical difficulties often lead to mothers feeling like they're not good enough and getting incredibly distressed. The emotional implications of preaching about how good it is to breastfeed leaves mothers who can't or choose not to feeling like failures as parents.
I agree that we should promote breastfeeding and healthy attitudes about those who choose to do so in public but there also needs to be more support available for those who can't breastfeed or choose not to.

The biggest feeling I was left with after reading the Buzzfeed article was sorrow.
I'm not a mother myself but it's one of my greatest dreams to be one in the future and I feel awful for anyone who is made to feel like they're not an incredible mother just because they are unable to breastfeed or do not wish to.
My own mother had great difficulties with breastfeeding me and I was admitted into hospital when I was only a few weeks old because I wasn't eating anything.
That, paired with the fact that she had undiagnosed postnatal depression led to her feeling like a failure.
Okay, this was 20 years ago and the 90's but I can't believe we haven't progressed since then.
Why aren't women getting more support from doctors and experts about this? Why are women feeling like failures?
I'd like to think that, by the time I get around to having my own children, my ability to breastfeed will not leave me feeling like a bad mother. If I can't continue, even after months of trying, because I have cracked and bleeding nipples and it's too painful then I hope to God that there's someone I will be able to talk to who ensures me that my ability to be a great mother is not based on my ability to breastfeed.

If you love and care for your child, bathe them, clothe them, take care of them to the best of your ability and are trying your best, YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER! 
Don't let anyone tell you you are a bad parent when you're trying your best.
I'm not a mother yet but parenting is hard work and everyone who is doing the best job they can without asking for anything back is an amazing parent in my eyes and deserves a reward.
You're doing okay, mums. I promise.

I'll finish this with my original comment on the article and a link to it.

"Women should breastfeed if they can or if they want to. It's great to breastfeed and the benefits are overwhelming but nothing bad is going to happen to your child if you choose not to. Let's promote healthy opinions about breastfeeding instead of dictating what should and shouldn't be done."

http://www.buzzfeed.com/laurasilver/women-are-pissed-off-at-jamie-oliver-for-telling-them-they-s?bffbuk&utm_term=.dq3wx81kj#.ekRn73WAR  

Jessica
xoxo

What Women Want

Today, I went on Facebook and an article immediately caught my eye.

To be fair, this happens a lot with me. Especially with Buzzfeed... I may have an addiction. I'm on my Buzzfeed app faster than I'm replying to texts in the morning. I love their writers, staff and general ease you feel when you read one of their articles. Much like I'm coming to fall in love with HelloGiggles.
This particular article felt like it needed to be written about. By me. In my own words.
It helps with my procrastination anyway. I was attempting to write a song...
In this article, a girl at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces found a strange note by an unidentified, male student at her college posted in her dorm on January 29th this year.
The note states: 

"OK, ladies. 

I get it.You don’t want a pleasant evening chat.You don’t want a gentleman to walk you to your car.You don’t want a friendly dude to help you carry your groceries… or hold open the door… or crush the life out of other men that would do you harm.Fine - fear the good guys… I guess we’ll have to just suffer through watching you get broken over and over by the scum you think you love.But I want you to know – it’s not easy and it hurts to see you fall.

Give the good guys a chance to help you be less afraid of the world."

The note comes across extremely creepy and I had to comment on Facebook the second I saw it.

'I think there should be a balance between both. You should be a 'nice', good person because people deserve good people and they're one in a million. The thing that the not-so-nice person who wrote this isn't understanding is that chivalry and protection is what some women want but not all. Women want different things. I roll my eyes at super coupley things like some of the posts people who have been dating for five minutes share on Facebook or putting a love lock on a bridge in Paris because you think it has any direct correlation with how long your relationship will last BUT a lot of people find that stuff adorable and love it. Not every women likes chivalry and men holding doors open for them just like not every guy likes women who don't wear much makeup - it's human nature. This man, clearly, hasn't grasped the concept of what it means to actually be a 'nice' guy.'

It's not easy to watch people you love or care about being hurt by the same kind of people but you should do something about it rather than complaining they're going after the wrong guys and should be dating you.
A lot of the other comments were angry because of the strong sense of entitlement the note is drenched in but I was more frustrated by the idea that nice guys are easy to find and that us women are deliberately falling for people who end up hurting.
Another point is that it takes more to being a good guy than holding doors open for women and walking them to their cars at night.
To be a good person, you actually have to work hard to maintain a good attitude and loving nature.
Plus, my point in that comment is that NOT ALL PEOPLE WANT A NICE GUY/GIRL.
Now, I put that, as Judge Rinder says, in big because it's important.
No matter what else the guy's saying or how creepy it comes across, he doesn't seem to understand the idea that no one wants the same thing.
I have friends who meet guys on tinder and have relationships and I have friends who would never date a guy they met online.
Much like the way no one has an identically decorated home, no one has the same type.
My type, in terms of personality, remains the same as it's always been. You know: loyal, caring, humorous, slightly chivalrous, strong (mentally and physically). Though, my recent experience with that guy I've been hung up on for months actually taught me a lot more about myself than I ever expected. I know now that I want a man who can turn me on - both sensually and intellectually - and that he needs to be able to 'take the mick' out of me because I do that to people and I find it playful.
All that being said, you could ask Sarah (made up name on the spot) what her type is and she could say she wants a serious guy who's not chivalrous at all and doesn't find bad jokes hilarious (like I do).
If you've managed to persevere reading all of that, I commend you.
Here's my final point on it; if you want to be a good guy, BE A GOOD GUY but don't expect all women to fall at your feet like you're Gerard Butler, Daniel Craig or Darren Criss (the last one's a personal favourite). The second you start expecting things from people is the second your 'trying to be a nice guy' comes across as an act rather than a genuinely nice thing.
Not all women want a good, nice guy. Not all men want a good girl.
No two people are going to have the same exact type all of the time so consider this before making anymore declarations. 

And, to all the genuinely nice guys out there, thank you for being kind and gracious and respectful. 

Three of my best friends are guys and I couldn't love them more if I tried.
Jessica
xoxo

Who Run The World?

Definitely not girls. 

Yet. 

It's International Women's Day across the world! 

How could I not write about this? 

In a world where people do work on their phones and send it in while on the train to their office and teenagers become famous by uploading videos to YouTube, it's amazing to see how far we, as humans, have come. 

Technology is, in my mind, one of the biggest areas in terms of visibly seeing our affect on the world. 

If you don't count global warming, that is. 

Which a lot of people don't. 

But that isn't my point. 

This post is about women's rights. 

Which brings me back to technology. 

As amazing as it is to see how far we've come in that regard, it's disappointing to think that we still live in a world where a woman is questioned for running for President because she's a grandmother. How will she govern? How will she make fair decisions for America when she has a grandchild? 

Let's forget her decades of work in politics or her educational background or her years of experience as First Lady and, instead, focus on the fact that she's a grandmother. 

The thing is, as far as we've come in these last few years in so many different areas, we've not progressed very far in terms of equality. 

Women still don't make as much as men for the same jobs and we are constantly being criticized on so many different levels. 

And I'm not just talking about by political leaders or people of power. 

Women get picked on, by other women, for going to work when they have kids or choosing a career over family but we also get bullied for not going to work when we have children or working from home when we have a family. 

It doesn't matter what you do as a woman because you'll get criticized. 

Now, I'm not blaming any one person or group of individuals - as much as I would love to blame Donald Trump for every injustice in the world and have him sent to Azkaban for all of eternity - for all of this because it's not the fault of any one person; it's women. 

Women are a huge part of the problem and a lot of people are too scared to admit that. 

We want rights and we deserve them but we need to change our own attitudes and perceptions first. 

Let's stop hating on women for not doing what we think they should and support women for whatever it is they choose to do. 

You don't want kids? Don't have them. 

Want to stay at home with your children and be there full-time for them? Awesome! Let's support that! 

Whatever you choose to do as a woman, let's applaud that! 

You don't need to be compared to anyone else and you are not someone else's opinion of you. 

This goes for overweight women, slimmer women, girly women and tomboys. 

Because every woman has been judged for some aspect of themselves. 

As Emma Watson has said: 

"I don't want other people to decide who I am; I want to decide that for myself."

Let's give women the power to decide who we are for ourselves and be proud of each and every one of our individualities because every person in this world is worth something. 

Every person. 

Hillary is just one example of why we still need to go a long way in terms of women's equality and feminism but we are making progress. 

This has been a long time coming and I'm not saying we haven't made any progress because we have and that's important to note. 

So have fun celebrating women today and let's continue to teach ourselves and every woman we know to support other women. 

Jessica

xoxo

This Love Is Good

When I got onto Facebook this morning, one of the first things to catch my eye in the 'Trending' part on the right side of the screen was 'Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift'. 

As a huge 'Swiftie', my eyes were drawn to it and I clicked the blue letters instantly. 

So many articles have already been written in the last few hours about it. 

The 'news' is that Calvin and Taylor celebrated their first anniversary on Sunday. 

Some are skeptical and mocking of Taylor but the ones I've read were filled with words like 'adorable' and 'sweet'.

I, for one, am so incredibly happy for them. 

The couple met at last year's Brit awards in February and managed to keep their new relationship private for two months before the rumor mill started turning in May. 

Since then, they have proven themselves to be a supportive power-couple; with Taylor frequently showing up at Calvin's gigs and Calvin accompanying Taylor to award shows, looking proud in the audience at her concerts and tweeting/instagramming his support for her several times.

Calvin Harris is a huge component in why Taylor has been so happy and empowered recently. It makes my heart happy - that sounds cheesy as Hell, I'm aware! - to know she's in a positive, loving relationship with a man who shows nothing but respect and adoration for her. 

What we can't forget is that another large part of Taylor's happiness is down to her fans, family and close friends. 

She has inspired me, and so many other women, to find friends who are positive influences in our lives. Strong, confident, intelligent, womderful women who inspire me to be better every day - just by being their friend.

Will this be Taylor's everlasting love? 

I don't know. 

One thing I do know is that Taylor is happy and in love and still continuing to be a better person than most of us could ever dream to be on a daily basis. 

Congratulations on one year, Calvin and Taylor! 

May it be the first of many.

Jessica

xoxo

P.S. That necklace is gorgeous. I definitely wouldn't mind one similar if I ever make it to a year with someone other than a girlfriend...

Happy Mother's Day!

It's Mother's Day here in the UK. 

A day that is, traditionally, spent celebrating the woman who brought you into this world - your mum.

Or, you know, a Hallmark Holiday invented by card businesses to capitalise on the public's love of celebrating. 

While I'm all for appreciating your mother, I don't think it should be all about that one person because, for many, it isn't. 

I was raised by my grandmother and my aunt continues to guide me through life with her never-ending mum-isms. 

My mum has always been around and she is a trier, you know? She tries her best. 

But we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and that's neither of our faults. 

I still love her though. Unconditionally. 

A lot of people don't have Hallmark relationships with their parents. I use that term because so many cards are filled with loving poems about mothers and not all of them apply to everyone. 

It's for this reason that I'm taking the time to spend my hungover (more on that later) Mother's Day feeling grateful for the woman who made me me. 

Mother's Day isn't just about the woman who brought you into this world, it's about the women who bring you up. So Happy Mother's Day to all the women who raise daughters they didn't give birth to and who teach us to be strong, brave and who always believe in us when we don't believe in ourselves! 

Jessica

xoxo

Finding Dory

It's finally here!

The trailer for 'Finding Dory' has been here for a few days and I know I'm a little late to the party but I just saw it and I'm so excited!!! 

I saw 'Finding Nemo' when it came out in theatres in 2003. My gran took me, like she took me everywhere back then, and I fell in love with the story of the fish who needed to find his way home to his dad. 

His journey home is filled with unexpected obstacles and moments of self-discovery. It was as adorable as it was endearing. 

My heart melted as his dad struggled to find his only child. I'm pretty sure the reason I cared so deeply was because of the tragic opening that hit you with loss and heartache before you could dig into your popcorn. 

'Finding Dory' sets to be another tempestuous tale of self discovery. This time, it's Dory who's in the limelight. A secondary character to Nemo's dad Marlin in the first movie. 

Now, almost a decade and a half later, it's Dory's turn to shine. 

In her search for her family, Dory will encounter old friends and unfamiliar faces. 

And, of course, I couldn't end this thing (whatever it is) without mentioning the woman behind the fish - Ellen DeGeneres. 

Since the success of 'Finding Nemo', DeGeneres has made her name with a talk show on NBC. 'The Ellen Show' began airing on Monday September 8th 2003 - a mere month before 'Finding Nemo' hit theatres in October of that same year. 

Ellen, a comedian/actress, is one of the world's favourite people and her celebrity status will no doubt help with the movie's success - not that it needs any help. 

I can't wait to see the comedic genius that will be 'Finding Dory'. 

Just like the rest of the world.

Jessica

xoxo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JNLwlcPBPI

Closure

In life, sometimes, you have to bite the metaphorical bullet and do the hard thing. The one you've been putting off for so long that you can no longer remember all of the reasons you didn't do it right away in the first place. 

I put my skeletons in the closet for so long that they ended up leaning against the doors and spilling out - all at once.

I got a message, on Wednesday, from the friend's roommate (the one I almost had a thing with that got back with his ex). He suggested we meet up and talk and we arranged a time for the next day. 

My best friend had told him how I was feeling. 

At the time, I was upset. I was annoyed that she'd told the one person I didn't want to know that I was still hurting. I was frustrated that I was being forced to deal with all of my skeletons in a matter of hours - with no hints that it might even be a possibility.

In hindsight, I know it was the right thing to do. She was looking out for me. Both her and one of my other good friends were. I needed closure and this was the only way I could get it. 

So I freaked out. When I got home from my friend's house on Wednesday, I wrote a list of things to say while on the phone to one of my best friends. Then I had an early night. 

The next day, I woke up unable to speak - perfect day for my laryngitis to get worse! - but I headed to work anyway.

He showed up early and bearing paracetamol - my hero - and we headed to the same place I'd spilled my guts to my friend from school the very day he told me he was getting back with his ex. In my mind, it was perfect symmetry. 

After ordering tea and a smoothie - very sweet - and glossing over small talk, we finally got down to it. He apologised, I said what I needed to say and the defining part of his apology was this: 

'Why didn't you come to me to talk about how you were feeling?'

My answer was pretty simple. I never felt like I could. At first, talking to him hurt too much and then it became the fact that months had gone by and I truly thought I was doing better. Until I knew I was going to have to see him and his girlfriend, I was doing okay. 

But heartbreak is a funny thing. So very unpredictable. It never acts in accordance to what you want it to; it follows its own rules. 

It did help though. The talking. He left every decision up to me and I agreed that I should have come to him a long time ago. My final decision about how to move forward was that we should be friends. What else could I say? 'Na. I'd rather we never talked again. Let's ignore the fact that you're gonna be living with my best friend for the next year and a half'? 

I'm sure that would've went down wonderfully well. 

But it was a good choice, you know? 

It was the best decision. I do like him. Maybe not in the original way anymore but definitely as a potential friend. 

I am not one for staying in contact with exes but he wasn't an ex. And I'm going to see him for the next year anyway. I may as well make the best out of a bad situation. 

It was a good day actually. 

We did idle errand running and then he dropped me off at home. 

After a few hours of failed songwriting, I met one of my favorite friends for dinner. Before I went home and fell asleep before eleven for the second night in a row. 

I may have turned 40 this year instead of 20.

I woke up this morning feeling good.

Not sad or restless or unsettled. 

Just... Numb. 

But in a good way! 

A lot of the time, the word 'numb' is used to describe the feeling of nothingness. Of total and complete emptiness. 

This wasn't like that. 

It was more that I've had these feelings of unease and confusion and upset for so long that I don't know how to be without them yet. 

It's something I would definitely suggest though. 

With friendships, relationships, mutual almosts... 

If you have to continue seeing the person after the initial 'break', talking things through with them is an excellent idea. 

Now I'm not suggesting you do this the day after or anything - that would be insane. 

A few weeks, months afterwards? Yes. Definitely. 

I have been struggling with all these unanswered questions and frustrations for months and I cracked last week. It was horrible. 

And waking up feeling refreshed this morning? It felt pretty good. 

The healing process isn't over but it's moving forward and I am lucky enough to have incredible women - and men! - in my life who make every day of my life a little better. 

You can't count every injustice in your world. 

Instead, you have to live for every blessing - even when it seems impossible and that there aren't any blessings. 

For me, I have amazing friends who love and care about me and who truly want me to be happy. 

That is my happy place. 

Those people are where my heart rests. 

Until next time, 

xoxo 

Jessica 

(Gossip Girl reference because I miss that blessing of a show)