I phoned MGA today and told them that I couldn't take the place. It was the worst phone call I have ever had to make. Mainly because I didn't want to make it. As soon as I hung up, I started crying. I guess you never realise how much you want something until you can no longer have it. I think it was saying it out loud that made it real and knowing that I had to accept it now. It's finally over. The dream is dead.
For now.
I'm not giving up entirely. I just have to find some alternate routes to get there. I will though. Someday. Hopefully. I'm never going to lose hope. I can't do that.
The thing is, if you really believe in yourself and what you can do (which is what I'm trying to do), then you can do anything. It might take a while and you might have to work really hard but you can get there. I really believe that. On Sunday, I'm going to Barcelona for a week. I kinda need a break from Edinburgh and what has been the best and worst month of my life. I need to do some 'soul-searching' or whatever. I plan on coming home and taking a few classes or something, hopefully getting a job and trying again next year. I just need to save a bit of money first. Or maybe I won't got to MGA. Maybe I'll end up somewhere completely different. Whatever happens, I'll be okay. I have to believe that. Sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to but it's okay because there will be other things that do. You might just have to wait a little longer for them. And I'll wait for however long I need to. As long as I get there in the end.
Thursday, 21 March 2013
Wednesday, 20 March 2013
Random Thoughts and Inner Turmoil (More 'Confusion' but whatever)
Today (or tomorrow as it's officially Midnight here in the UK), I stayed inside. I didn't sing as much and I didn't dance around my bedroom (or anywhere else in the house) at all. This means I'm depressed or sad or something. I'm not used to being sad. I normally try and distract myself somehow but it didn't work today. I lay around the house (mostly my bedroom) feeling sorry for myself over my lack of a future. I figure I'm allowed to. I came face to face with my dreams, the potential future I could have. It was so close I could almost taste it. The friends I would have, the dreams that would come true, the songs I would sing... Everything was finally falling into place but, now that my hopes and dreams have been shattered within seconds before even properly becoming a possibility, I am left right back where I started: alone, confused and scared. I'm scared because MGA was something that was real. It was a chance to prove to myself that I was better than what I imagined. That I actually mattered in this world somehow. Now that I've tasted the happiness I could have, I don't want to let it go and I hate that I have to! I auditioned on a whim to see if I could actually do it, never believing for a second that I could get in, but I got a place and I wanted it so badly. It sucks!
So, now, I'm sitting at my computer in my dark bedroom at seven minutes past midnight writing down my thoughts and feelings on something nobody's ever going to see or care about. It's like I'm talking to a therapist only this blog can't give me advice or take notes to refer back to later (not actually sure if that's what therapists do so I apologise for any false statements).
Maybe I'll take a year to go and 'find myself' or something. I never understand what people mean by that though. How can you 'find yourself'? To me, that makes no sense but I'm willing to try and find out what it means so that I can do it too. Just anything that'll give me something to focus on besides the shreds my dreams are being cut into.
I just feel like everyone's moving forward except me. My best friend got an unconditional to Edinburgh University, my other friend's going off to College and my last friend (Yes, I know it's pathetic that I only have three friends but I would have more if I could go to MGA. Damn it!) has a conditional to do a Drama thing at university. Getting that place at MGA made me feel like I was moving forward too. For once, I didn't feel like a failure. I wasn't just the 'stupid' one. I mattered and I was proud of myself.
I keep telling myself that 'everything happens for a reason' but what's the reason for this? What good is going to come from me not being able to go to my dream school and have friends who, not only respect what I want to do in life but, want the same things? What good is going to come from me being unhappy for another year or however long it takes for something good to happen?
I know I sound extremely ungrateful or whatever but I don't mean to.
Ever since I can remember, I have pinned all my hopes and dreams on 2013; the year I turned 17.
I was going to learn how to drive, finally move out and away from my family, go to college or university and do something I love, maybe even get a boyfriend. I was supposed to be happy. Truly happy. 2013 was supposed to be the year that everything changed for the better but none of that stuff's happened. I haven't learnt how to drive yet, I haven't moved out, I won't go to college or university because I'm not clever enough and don't have the money to pay for the school I want to go to and I don't have a boyfriend because, I guess, I'm just not pretty enough.
I'm trying really hard to see the silver lining to all of this and to stay optimistic but what if there isn't a silver lining? What if I'm just not meant to find true happiness or whatever? I guess, I'll just have to deal with it and hope something good happens soon.
On the upside, I did read Darren Criss' LiveJournal posts (someone posted them on Tumblr. I'm not a stalker, I promise) so they cheered me up for about ten minutes. He had some very random thoughts at 17. He should just write a book about all his thoughts. I'd read it.
So, now, I'm sitting at my computer in my dark bedroom at seven minutes past midnight writing down my thoughts and feelings on something nobody's ever going to see or care about. It's like I'm talking to a therapist only this blog can't give me advice or take notes to refer back to later (not actually sure if that's what therapists do so I apologise for any false statements).
Maybe I'll take a year to go and 'find myself' or something. I never understand what people mean by that though. How can you 'find yourself'? To me, that makes no sense but I'm willing to try and find out what it means so that I can do it too. Just anything that'll give me something to focus on besides the shreds my dreams are being cut into.
I just feel like everyone's moving forward except me. My best friend got an unconditional to Edinburgh University, my other friend's going off to College and my last friend (Yes, I know it's pathetic that I only have three friends but I would have more if I could go to MGA. Damn it!) has a conditional to do a Drama thing at university. Getting that place at MGA made me feel like I was moving forward too. For once, I didn't feel like a failure. I wasn't just the 'stupid' one. I mattered and I was proud of myself.
I keep telling myself that 'everything happens for a reason' but what's the reason for this? What good is going to come from me not being able to go to my dream school and have friends who, not only respect what I want to do in life but, want the same things? What good is going to come from me being unhappy for another year or however long it takes for something good to happen?
I know I sound extremely ungrateful or whatever but I don't mean to.
Ever since I can remember, I have pinned all my hopes and dreams on 2013; the year I turned 17.
I was going to learn how to drive, finally move out and away from my family, go to college or university and do something I love, maybe even get a boyfriend. I was supposed to be happy. Truly happy. 2013 was supposed to be the year that everything changed for the better but none of that stuff's happened. I haven't learnt how to drive yet, I haven't moved out, I won't go to college or university because I'm not clever enough and don't have the money to pay for the school I want to go to and I don't have a boyfriend because, I guess, I'm just not pretty enough.
I'm trying really hard to see the silver lining to all of this and to stay optimistic but what if there isn't a silver lining? What if I'm just not meant to find true happiness or whatever? I guess, I'll just have to deal with it and hope something good happens soon.
On the upside, I did read Darren Criss' LiveJournal posts (someone posted them on Tumblr. I'm not a stalker, I promise) so they cheered me up for about ten minutes. He had some very random thoughts at 17. He should just write a book about all his thoughts. I'd read it.
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
Gotta Get Back To Hogwarts
I first found out about Team Starkid and 'AVPM' and 'AVPS' in 2010 (about a year after it came out), I think, when my friend Laura showed me a bit of 'AVPM' on her laptop. She was so excited about it and could sing all of the songs. At first, I didn't really get it but Laura insisted I went home and watched the rest of the musical. I did that and fell in love with everyone involved after that. It took me a little while until I watched the second musical though.
When I saw Darren Criss on Glee Season 2, episode 6 'Never Been Kissed', I didn't recognise him. I did, however, fall in love with Klaine (Kurt had been my favourite character up until then. As well as Rachel and Finn). Then I fell in love with Darren. His charisma, his charm and his overall everything (Putting into words how incredible (even that isn't a good enough word for him. Perfect might be closer but that's not quite good enough either). I'm also in love with Chris [Colfer] which is why I have read both his books (He's an incredible writer, it's unbelievable how talented he is. I'm so proud of everything he has accomplished so far and I can't wait to see him (and Darren) progress in the future. I know they'll both achieve so many things. I'm sure most of the Glee cast will) and watched his independent movie which he wrote himself. Didn't like seeing him die so much though. I actually cried... Anyway, this is about Darren and the rest of Team Starkid not my pathetic infatuation with the Glee actors and actresses... Yeah, so, I Googled Darren (Because I'm a creep and wanted to see more of his work) and found out he was in (and wrote some of the songs for) both of those musicals ('AVPM' and 'AVPS'). I then watched them both (The second one was my favourite) and fell even more in love with, not only Darren, but the entire cast. As the years went on (I say that like it was decades ago or something when it was really only the end of the last decade and this decade. What the frick am I going on about right now?), I watched 'Little White Lie', learnt the lyrics to all of the songs on Darren's EP 'Human' and learnt most of the lyrics to most of the songs in the musicals.
Right... Back to 'AVPSY' before I have a mental breakdown (21, Eternity, Soulmates etcetera. Just remember this!!!). I watched a bit of it on Saturday morning (I stayed up for it because Darren was Tweeting and I got excited), a bit more on Sunday and the whole of the second Act today. Act 2, Scene 6 made me cry. Darren at the end! His eyes were filled with tears which broke me. It must have been so hard for him. He went to college with these people, they're his friends and he is one of the co-founders of Starkid Productions. I'm not entirely sure if this is true but I think this might have been his last show with Starkid. At least for the foreseeable future. He just doesn't have time right now what with Glee and 'Imogene'/'Girl Most Likely' to promote. Plus, as he gets more and more established as an actor and gets more famous and more roles, he will have even less time. Not to mention if he brings out another album (God, I hope he brings out another album!). It must have been very emotional for him to be in that role again for the last time with all of his friends from college. I felt like his 'Totally Awesome' at the end before he walked off with Ron (I think that's what happened but my eyes were brimming with tears so I could be wrong about that) was a 'Goodbye' of sorts. Damn it Darren! Why do you have to keep breaking my heart?!
The point is that it was incredible, mind-blowing, sad (In the bittersweetest of ways and unforgettable. Team Starkid are sure to have brilliant careers and I can't wait to watch them do it (Sounding a bit like a creep but oh well. I'm proud of them!). Lauren Lopez (Draco Malfoy in the Potter Parodies) has already brought out an awesome Recipe Book and has even been in Chris Colfer's film 'Struck By Lightning' (Although, in my opinion, she should have been given a bigger role. She. Is. Flawless! And so talented). Joey Richter (who lives with Darren in LA and plays Ron Weasley) has been on Disney Channel's 'Jessie' (I think that's what it's called) and was even an 'Adam's Apple' (Not a bit fan of Adam to be honest. I don't mind him being friends with Kurt but I ship Klaine. Why can't Blaine fly to New York and tell Adam to 'Stay away from his future husband' like Finn did with Brody? (OMG! Awesome moment! Go Finn!)) on Glee! I know the others have had some awesome accomplishments but Joey and Lauren are two of my favourites (along with Darren, Joe Moses (One-man Showses), Brian Holden and the Lang's of course. Also love Meredith, Dylan Saunders, Joe Walker and Brian Rosenthal) so I thought I'd mention them.
Going to miss Darren working with Team Starkid as he is truly home when he is with them but I wish them all the luck in the world for their future. If you haven't watched the musicals then I really urge you to. Even if you hate musicals! Watch it and I dare you not to be impressed. I guess, now that I've seen them all, I'll go back to the start. Where it all began.
I don't wanna see you go, but it's not forever, not forever! Even it was, you now that I would never let it get me down. You're the part of me that makes me better, wherever I go! So I will try not to cry-- but no one needs to say goodbye...
Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts, it's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends, to Gryffindors! Hufflepuffs! Ravenclaws! Slytherins! Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! "Man, I'm glad we went back!"
P.S. I stole all of the pictures! Consider me a big old photo-thief :P
Now Life Has Killed The Dream I Dreamed
Yes, I quoted the 'Les Miserables' song in my title. It was the only way I could sum up my feelings right now.
As you might be able to tell (Or remember as I'm the only one who will read this. Probably), I'm a little depressed right now. This is over-dramatic I know but today pretty much confirmed that I won't be able to go to MGA Academy for the Performing Arts. At least not this year anyway. I went to the bank today but, apparently, they don't do any student loans. I have never net nicer, more friendly and talented people in my entire life and, I know it sounds silly to say but, I really felt like my life would change for good (Yes, now I've quoted 'Wicked' too) if I did this course. Singing is something I have always wanted to do and I would have loved to learn how to do it properly and act and dance as well. For the first time in my life, I was willing to work really hard for what I wanted. I've tried being optimistic and I'm still hopeful that a miracle will happen and I will find a way to make sure I am able to go this year. If I can't find a way somehow, I might just try and work really hard for the next year. Go to some dance classes, try and appear in a few shows. Technically, I'm starting this a bit late but it is something that I really want and I can't give up on it. I just really don't know what I'm going to do. I'm all alone with this. I have to do it completely on my own and I thought it would be okay but, apparently, I need people more than I thought.
Oh well... This sucks.
As you might be able to tell (Or remember as I'm the only one who will read this. Probably), I'm a little depressed right now. This is over-dramatic I know but today pretty much confirmed that I won't be able to go to MGA Academy for the Performing Arts. At least not this year anyway. I went to the bank today but, apparently, they don't do any student loans. I have never net nicer, more friendly and talented people in my entire life and, I know it sounds silly to say but, I really felt like my life would change for good (Yes, now I've quoted 'Wicked' too) if I did this course. Singing is something I have always wanted to do and I would have loved to learn how to do it properly and act and dance as well. For the first time in my life, I was willing to work really hard for what I wanted. I've tried being optimistic and I'm still hopeful that a miracle will happen and I will find a way to make sure I am able to go this year. If I can't find a way somehow, I might just try and work really hard for the next year. Go to some dance classes, try and appear in a few shows. Technically, I'm starting this a bit late but it is something that I really want and I can't give up on it. I just really don't know what I'm going to do. I'm all alone with this. I have to do it completely on my own and I thought it would be okay but, apparently, I need people more than I thought.
Oh well... This sucks.
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
Dancing With Myself
So, ever since I got my acceptance letter, I've kinda been panicking. It's really expensive and, if I somehow manage to do it, I'll have to do it on my own (Like, find out about financing etcetera on my own and take out a loan or whatever). It's been worrying me since Thursday 7th (Letter day). On one hand, this is my dream (well, not exactly but it will help towards my dream) and I don't want to end up as one of those people who regrets doing everything possible to achieve their dreams. On the other hand, it's going to be really difficult. I don't even know if I can get the money together by Sunday (17th). I'm, pretty much, the most panicked I've ever been in my entire life. Why didn't I think about all of this before I auditioned? Oh yeah, because I'm an idiot! No, truthfully, I never actually thought I'd get in in the first place. I didn't think I was good enough (still don't) and I'm genuinely confused as to how it happened. Anyway, that's what I need to figure out this week. I also need to keep this from my family. My gran doesn't really care, my aunt is just focussing on all of the negatives and my mum is trying but she doesn't need to worry about this. I am perfectly capable of handling it on my own. Like I've done with most things.
As for the title, it refers to a song that was covered on Glee where Artie had a dream sequence type thing and got up and did this crazy dance thing in a shopping centre (mall). I've been trying to lift up my spirits by dancing around my house in my pyjamas. (What am I talking about? I do that when I'm not sad!). I've been singing and dancing around my bedroom and the kitchen (Kinda difficult to really dance in the shower what with it being so slippery but I do try. I also dance a little in the hall and living room when people are out but my dancing's mostly refrained to the kitchen (when I'm making food) and my bedroom) a bit more than often though (that's probably not true).
I'm hoping the next few days go a bit better but, whatever happens, one thing's for sure; AVPSY is coming out on YouTube on Klaine's 2-year Anniversary! Their Klainiversary, if you will (I'm so embarrassed of myself right now but I'm also really excited so I don't care that much)! I can't wait! I'm sure it'll be incredible (Because Starkid are incredible. In fact, there aren't any words awesome enough to describe them. The point is that it will be perfection). I have a feeling that it's going to be quite bittersweet though. On one hand, I'm really excited to see it because I've been looking forward to seeing this since I found out they were doing it while Darren was filming 'The Break Up' episode back in July. On the other hand though (Yes, it's the second time I've done this in this little blog thing but I don't care), it's the last Harry Potter themed musical that Starkid are going to do and it's going to be really sad when it ends. I don't want it to end! There's also the thought about what Darren was filming on Glee at this time. That's not too happy. Oh well...
As for the title, it refers to a song that was covered on Glee where Artie had a dream sequence type thing and got up and did this crazy dance thing in a shopping centre (mall). I've been trying to lift up my spirits by dancing around my house in my pyjamas. (What am I talking about? I do that when I'm not sad!). I've been singing and dancing around my bedroom and the kitchen (Kinda difficult to really dance in the shower what with it being so slippery but I do try. I also dance a little in the hall and living room when people are out but my dancing's mostly refrained to the kitchen (when I'm making food) and my bedroom) a bit more than often though (that's probably not true).
I'm hoping the next few days go a bit better but, whatever happens, one thing's for sure; AVPSY is coming out on YouTube on Klaine's 2-year Anniversary! Their Klainiversary, if you will (I'm so embarrassed of myself right now but I'm also really excited so I don't care that much)! I can't wait! I'm sure it'll be incredible (Because Starkid are incredible. In fact, there aren't any words awesome enough to describe them. The point is that it will be perfection). I have a feeling that it's going to be quite bittersweet though. On one hand, I'm really excited to see it because I've been looking forward to seeing this since I found out they were doing it while Darren was filming 'The Break Up' episode back in July. On the other hand though (Yes, it's the second time I've done this in this little blog thing but I don't care), it's the last Harry Potter themed musical that Starkid are going to do and it's going to be really sad when it ends. I don't want it to end! There's also the thought about what Darren was filming on Glee at this time. That's not too happy. Oh well...
Sunday, 3 March 2013
Frick.
I would love to have chosen a better title for this post but I feel like that one word manages to sum up all my feelings perfectly.
Today was my audition. I was looking forward to it (even though I was extremely nervous and terrified). I thought that the dancing would be funny, the acting horrible and the singing easy. I was wrong. The dancing was horrible! I was trying to smile but I couldn't do it and my leg didn't go very high and it was all a disaster. And I pulled a muscle or something in my right leg so it was all really painful (this is what happens when people who never exercise do even the tiniest bit). I'm sure the dance teacher person thought I was a joke. Probably not actually. He seemed too nice. Still. I was pretty bad.
The acting wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be but it was still bad. The thing is though, I actually tried really hard and I knew my lines! I'll admit that I only learnt it the hour before the audition started but I had it, I really did! I practised in the bathroom a few times and I knew it really well and I was having fun. As soon as I entered the room though, it all went in the pooper. I was awful. I kept messing up the lines and getting flustered. Basically, I was dreadful.
And as for the singing... This was the one area that I was confident in. I was sort of looking forward to it actually. I knew both songs off by heart and I was ready to sing even though I've never sung (properly) in front of more than one other person. I got in there, started singing 'Hopelessly Devoted To You' after singing a really quick snipit of 'Locked Out Of Heaven' because one of the directors didn't know what song it was. I got to the end of the chorus and they stopped me (obviously, I panicked). Anyway, they told me they wanted more power or something. I am not a belter. Therefore, I continued panicking. I then had to shout for a few times and I don't think I did it right then either. They didn't ask to hear 'Locked Out Of Heaven'.
After a ridiculous amount of apologies, I left the room (only two apologies but still). I talked to the friends I had made that day about how awful it had went. It was one of those moments when you realise that the thing you're most proud of about yourself, your greatest skill is actually not very good at all. I feel like crap. I was, obviously, too awful for them to be able to stand hearing me sing another song. Or wreck it rather.
I stayed for a while after that until the end and listened to a director talk about the course. It's really interesting and it'll suck when I get that letter saying I haven't made it into the course. Oh well. I tried, I suppose. There's always next year...
On a lighter note, when I got home, I discovered that the 'Girl Most Likely' (or is it 'Imogene'? I don't know! There was a name change a while ago and it's all too confusing for me) trailer had been released. Being a fan of Darren Criss, the fact that he is in a new movie and is half-naked at times and is, generally perfection brought my mood up a little. I'm so proud of him! He'll never know (nor will he ever care) but I am so happy for him. He is one of the most talented people I have ever had the pleasure of watching on TV and YouTube and I can't think of anyone who deserves it more. Just going to have to ignore the fact that Kristen Wiig (Is that how you spell her name?) gets to kiss him, dance with him, pretend to have a crush on him or whatever and pretend to have had sex with him or I'll get extremely jealous. Screw it, I'm already jealous. That's not the point though. I'm really proud of him and I can't wait to see his new movie when it comes out later this year.
Today was my audition. I was looking forward to it (even though I was extremely nervous and terrified). I thought that the dancing would be funny, the acting horrible and the singing easy. I was wrong. The dancing was horrible! I was trying to smile but I couldn't do it and my leg didn't go very high and it was all a disaster. And I pulled a muscle or something in my right leg so it was all really painful (this is what happens when people who never exercise do even the tiniest bit). I'm sure the dance teacher person thought I was a joke. Probably not actually. He seemed too nice. Still. I was pretty bad.
The acting wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be but it was still bad. The thing is though, I actually tried really hard and I knew my lines! I'll admit that I only learnt it the hour before the audition started but I had it, I really did! I practised in the bathroom a few times and I knew it really well and I was having fun. As soon as I entered the room though, it all went in the pooper. I was awful. I kept messing up the lines and getting flustered. Basically, I was dreadful.
And as for the singing... This was the one area that I was confident in. I was sort of looking forward to it actually. I knew both songs off by heart and I was ready to sing even though I've never sung (properly) in front of more than one other person. I got in there, started singing 'Hopelessly Devoted To You' after singing a really quick snipit of 'Locked Out Of Heaven' because one of the directors didn't know what song it was. I got to the end of the chorus and they stopped me (obviously, I panicked). Anyway, they told me they wanted more power or something. I am not a belter. Therefore, I continued panicking. I then had to shout for a few times and I don't think I did it right then either. They didn't ask to hear 'Locked Out Of Heaven'.
After a ridiculous amount of apologies, I left the room (only two apologies but still). I talked to the friends I had made that day about how awful it had went. It was one of those moments when you realise that the thing you're most proud of about yourself, your greatest skill is actually not very good at all. I feel like crap. I was, obviously, too awful for them to be able to stand hearing me sing another song. Or wreck it rather.
I stayed for a while after that until the end and listened to a director talk about the course. It's really interesting and it'll suck when I get that letter saying I haven't made it into the course. Oh well. I tried, I suppose. There's always next year...
On a lighter note, when I got home, I discovered that the 'Girl Most Likely' (or is it 'Imogene'? I don't know! There was a name change a while ago and it's all too confusing for me) trailer had been released. Being a fan of Darren Criss, the fact that he is in a new movie and is half-naked at times and is, generally perfection brought my mood up a little. I'm so proud of him! He'll never know (nor will he ever care) but I am so happy for him. He is one of the most talented people I have ever had the pleasure of watching on TV and YouTube and I can't think of anyone who deserves it more. Just going to have to ignore the fact that Kristen Wiig (Is that how you spell her name?) gets to kiss him, dance with him, pretend to have a crush on him or whatever and pretend to have had sex with him or I'll get extremely jealous. Screw it, I'm already jealous. That's not the point though. I'm really proud of him and I can't wait to see his new movie when it comes out later this year.
It's Today, It's Today!
Yes, I just quoted 'Stuart Little' in my title. No, I will not apologize for it.
Anyway, my audition's today! I can't really believe it. My plan for yesterday kind of collapsed. I ended up spending most of the day shopping for stuff for today and then I went to the Disney store. Bad idea. As soon as I got near the store, I turned into a five year old and, all of a sudden, everything I saw was 'Awesome' and needed to be touched, gazed at longingly or played with. I picked up a Sleeping Beauty doll which said 'Aurora' but I complained (more whined than complained and not really. I think I was too happy to complain properly) because she was, clearly, wearing clothes from before she knew she was Aurora. The doll was actually Briar Rose. The person who worked there was really sweet! I said I wanted to move in and she said she thought more people like me should work in the store (she said this after realising that I was right about Briar Rose). I guess we know where I'm handing my CV into next... I managed to persuade my mum to buy me a mug with a Dalmation on it from the film '101 Dalmations'. It was the awesomest thing ever! If I ever get a boyfriend, I'll wait until we're married and he's legally stuck with me forever before I go into a Disney store with him. Wouldn't want to terrify him. That said, I'm gonna need someone to actually find me attractive enough to want to date me. Chances are slim but I'm holding out hope.
Anyway, my audition! I got back late and watched 'Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway' (whilst drinking vanilla hot chocolate out of my awesome new mug!) and then got to learning my monologue. But I didn't really learn it at all. I'm still in the middle of deciding which one from 'When Harry Met Sally' I'm going to do (yes, I changed it and I don't think it's very appropriate but I've decided it will be easier if I actually enjoy the film/thing the monologue comes from). I'm thinking probably the classic 'I love you' speech Harry does at the end of the film. I should probably go and get dressed (had a shower. It's not important but I wanted anyone who read this to know that I am not a nudist. Nothing wrong with that. It's just not me. And I'm wearing a towel. I shouldn't have said anything at all...) and start learning my lines... I have less than an hour. This is going to fail! Wish me luck!
http://instagram.com/p/WXZZm3lYfy/
Anyway, my audition's today! I can't really believe it. My plan for yesterday kind of collapsed. I ended up spending most of the day shopping for stuff for today and then I went to the Disney store. Bad idea. As soon as I got near the store, I turned into a five year old and, all of a sudden, everything I saw was 'Awesome' and needed to be touched, gazed at longingly or played with. I picked up a Sleeping Beauty doll which said 'Aurora' but I complained (more whined than complained and not really. I think I was too happy to complain properly) because she was, clearly, wearing clothes from before she knew she was Aurora. The doll was actually Briar Rose. The person who worked there was really sweet! I said I wanted to move in and she said she thought more people like me should work in the store (she said this after realising that I was right about Briar Rose). I guess we know where I'm handing my CV into next... I managed to persuade my mum to buy me a mug with a Dalmation on it from the film '101 Dalmations'. It was the awesomest thing ever! If I ever get a boyfriend, I'll wait until we're married and he's legally stuck with me forever before I go into a Disney store with him. Wouldn't want to terrify him. That said, I'm gonna need someone to actually find me attractive enough to want to date me. Chances are slim but I'm holding out hope.
Anyway, my audition! I got back late and watched 'Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway' (whilst drinking vanilla hot chocolate out of my awesome new mug!) and then got to learning my monologue. But I didn't really learn it at all. I'm still in the middle of deciding which one from 'When Harry Met Sally' I'm going to do (yes, I changed it and I don't think it's very appropriate but I've decided it will be easier if I actually enjoy the film/thing the monologue comes from). I'm thinking probably the classic 'I love you' speech Harry does at the end of the film. I should probably go and get dressed (had a shower. It's not important but I wanted anyone who read this to know that I am not a nudist. Nothing wrong with that. It's just not me. And I'm wearing a towel. I shouldn't have said anything at all...) and start learning my lines... I have less than an hour. This is going to fail! Wish me luck!
http://instagram.com/p/WXZZm3lYfy/
Friday, 1 March 2013
Organized Motherfricker
In preparation for my imminent audition on Sunday, I have been doing something fairly out of character for the lazy human being known as me (aka Jessica May Grace Johnston) which means I have actually been trying. Today, I have been working on my songs and I'm just about to watch myself perform both songs in front of my mirror and try to act to them. That actually sounds quite creepy and weird and it probably is but it is necessary. I need to do well on the third of March (aka Sunday). Tomorrow, I will make a start on memorizing my Macbeth monologue... Yeah. We'll see how that goes (probably pretty darn awful, if you ask me)... I am not the best actor...
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