The restrictions around lockdown will be easing from next week.
This means my boyfriend has already brought up when I will be going back to my own flat.
I hadn't thought about that possibility in weeks.
It probably isn't healthy but I've been living in my bubble with him for two months and I got comfortable.
I haven't spent this much time with someone since I lived with nanny in our homes and his constant presence eased my pain of not being able to see my friends and family.
Okay, there were some issues in the beginning as we navigated the mildly treacherous waters of going from seeing each other half the week to spending almost all of our time together but we got there in the end and the last month or so has been lovely. We're in our routine of food shopping and him playing his xBox all day on Saturday then spending time together on Sunday so that we each get what we need (for him, space. for me, company). I'm extremely content.
When he brought it up last night, I could feel my mood change. It was almost as if he'd flicked a switch.
My bubble was suddenly burst and I had to listen to what he was saying.
Of course, I explained why I was sad and he didn't understand but he was kind and sweet and he refused to leave until I'd cheered up a bit.
It did help and when he came through and spent the whole night with me, I was able to forget about my sadness momentarily.
At least until this morning...
My flatmate messaged our group chat so I let her know I'd probably be back within the next few weeks. She then said we'd have to practice social distancing, despite the fact you don't have to socially distance from people you live with.
I told my boyfriend this and he didn't make any comments to say whether I'd be staying for even some of it or going or anything.
For some reason, this upset me so I left and went back to the bedroom.
I only went back through to the room he's in once to return the cookies I was planning on having for breakfast seeing as there isn't any milk for cereal.
Unfortunately for me, he knows me.
I can't eat when I'm feeling any kind of negative emotion and he knows this so he came through shortly afterwards to ask me why I was sad and what he had done because he didn't understand.
He hadn't done anything and I know we have different viewpoints on us staying together and me leaving so I didn't want to tell him this again or frustrate him but he wouldn't leave until I explained why I was sad so I did.
He got frustrated in his lack of understanding and told me 'I don't understand. We don't live together' but that wasn't why I was upset.
I was (still am) upset about the lack of clarity.
From his words, it sounds like he thinks lockdown is over completely next week but I don't think that's the case so I have questions:
Will we go back to seeing each other for half the week?
Will we be able to?
Will he even want me to seeing as I'm on furlough for three weeks starting from 1st June and ending on 19th June? (He's an introvert - he isn't horrible, just needs space)
Will I be able to see friends or will I be alone (okay my flatmate's there but she works in the hospital every other week and is home every other week. She works in the kitchen though so I have a strong feeling cooking will be difficult...)?
Will I be just at my flat for the whole three weeks?
The annoying thing is that I understand where he's coming from and I feel awful for being so upset about it.
He has had me living with him for two months now and he hasn't complained once.
Okay, there have been stressful points but he's never been cruel or unkind - despite being a person who needs a large amount of space.
If I'm being honest with myself, I know that he probably would've found it easier if I'd gone home for half of lockdown but he let me stay because he put my emotions first.
Now that I'm going to be on furlough, I should probably put his emotions first and just go home.
But I'm really struggling with that.
It would be easier if I knew the end-date or what was going to happen but the thing about Coronavirus is that the government are having to make plans daily as the situation changes.
I love him so much but the idea of being completely alone without any comfort is making me feel so sad, I'm numb.
I just don't know.
If this were a facebook post, I'd ask for suggestions on what to do but it isn't and no one reads this.
My head is saying I should go home and give him that space he needs for the entirety of my furlough.
My heart is begging me to stay.
But we're having the conversation about it next week and I might not get a choice either way.
I hope that I can keep my emotions in check whichever outcome it is.
Unfortunately, I know myself better than to think I can hide my sadness from him.
I can hide it from strangers and even some family members but not him and not Jane.
Because they're the two people I love most in the world.
Urgh.
It's been 40 minutes since he went back through and I suppose I feel a little better.
Writing this has cleared my head ever so slightly but the impending conversation, my last week at work and the thought of having to re-meet my friend's boyfriend over Skype tomorrow after not-liking him for months (he was rude when I met him) means that this next week is going to be interesting.
...
Right after I wrote that, my boyfriend came through to check on me.
I tried to explain about the head/heart thing but he didn't say much to that.
What he did say was that lockdown is over next week.
I tried to say that that isn't exactly what I'd read but then he asked if I had even properly read it so I gave up talking.
He stayed for about half an hour and he was affectionate and loving but it's still in my head.
At one point, we were facing each other while lying in bed and I couldn't get it out of me head that this might be our last weekend where we're able to do this.
Our last weekend in our bubble.
I do feel better though.
Even if I do have Olly Murs' 'Ask Me To Stay' stuck in my head...
It doesn't even relate to the situation... I think it's just the title.
It's a great song though.
Oh well...
I guess I should just focus on going home next weekend.
I'll need to think about a bunch of things.
1. I should definitely change my bedding as soon as I get home
2. I need to go to Sainsbury's
3. I'll probably need to get a taxi as I've got a backpack and a big bag and will probably have at least two shopping bags of stuff...
Okay, I'm stopping there because it's stressing me out.
At least I can leave my board games here because I can't play them on my own...
I really am grasping at straws for positives here but hey ho...
It is what it is.
Today, I'm going to reply to Jane and chill by myself. Maybe have some wine later.
I would go to the shops but I don't have any motivation to do so.
I'm not as sad as I was when I started writing but I still feel crap and drained so...
Sorry if anyone does read this and it's really depressing...
Love,
Jessica
xoxo
Showing posts with label Stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stress. Show all posts
Saturday, 23 May 2020
Thursday, 28 February 2013
You've Gotta Get Up & Try...
Friendship. It's a funny thing. One moment, you have people who are there to support you unconditionally, the next moment, you are entirely on your own.
I wrote the above statement on my phone on Tuesday (26th February) after something horrible happened.
Let me take you back a few months, last year (Not entirely sure what month. Maybe November? I don't think it's that important) I went to a friend's house with three other friends. While I was there, we talked about personal stuff (not unusual). Anyway, one of my friends told the rest of us something extremely personal which none of us had known about her. I'm not going to go into what it was because this blog is online and I don't really want to say it. It's not my secret to tell. We were all supposed to stay the night but one of my friends left early. I left about an hour and a half later because her house wasn't very big and I didn't know where I would be sleeping which stressed me out a little bit and I suddenly felt homesick (probably just needed my own space). When I got home, I told the friend who'd left before me that I had gone home. She phoned me and we talked about a bunch of things. I don't remember everything. One thing I do remember is that she had said she was uncomfortable with whatever the girl who's house we were supposed to be staying at had said. I'm not sure if she meant it and I may have gotten the wrong end of the stick. The point is that she said it and I should have kept that to myself. But I didn't. Now, I can keep secrets but, for some reason, I didn't keep this one (seriously regretting that now. From now on, I'm never repeating anything anyone says to me ever again. Even if it's just that they're getting new curtains or something equally not very important (I'm sorry. Getting new curtains is a very important thing and that was a crappy example but you get my point)). I told the two girls who stayed at that other girl's house what the girl on the phone had told me. One of them then persuaded me to tell the girl it was about so I did that the next week (really wish I hadn't done that too). She was a bit upset but I thought that was it. To be completely honest, I had completely forgotten about it by the time it came up again. Everything was semi-okay until about a week before I went to South Africa. Then, all of a sudden the phone girl and the house girl started being a little 'off' with me. I was a bit confused but didn't think too much of it. In South Africa, I could tell that house girl (none of the other girls went) didn't really like me very much but, again, I didn't think much of it. On Tuesday, I sent phone girl a text saying that I was really sorry that we weren't friends right now even though I didn't know why. I also said that, if she didn't want to be friends with me again, then I completely understood. I meant every word of it. Apparently though, that was a manipulating text.Whatever. So, I went to my favourite little cafe (one we go to often) with all four girls. Once we'd ordered, phone girl and house girl decided to 'confront' me. They talked at me for the next half hour or so. I listened to everything they said. About the kind of person I was, about what it was I had apparently done to them. It was a bit much for me to take in to be completely honest. I was a little stunned. During that time, house girl called me 'manipulative'. I may have glared at her for that... In my defence though, they were being really cruel and that, to me, was going a bit far. Anyway, apparently, phone girl had told house girl at some point that I had lied about what she said and house girl wasn't very happy about it. For some reason (I think I was just trying to stop myself from running out of there and crying), I didn't tell house girl the truth. I just said I couldn't remember. I don't really remember much of what I said. I don't think I tried to defend myself very much. I don't even think I was in the right mind to. I remember saying that, if all I was doing was hurting everyone in the group, then I would leave it and make different friends. They probably thought I was manipulating them then too. *rolls eyes*
They said I shouldn't do that because I still had two friends in the group and it would hurt them. I think house-girl was trying to take the moral high ground. She kept saying she could be 'civil' with me but I didn't care about her by then. As soon as she said I was 'manipulative', that was it. I mentally crossed her off my list of people I ever wanted to talk to again.
Soon after that, someone said we should leave if we wanted to get back for class. As soon as that was said, I put my coat on, grabbed my bag and left alone. I was trying (desperately) not to cry by this point. It's ironic that I told the truth but I was being punished for it. Anyway, I called my mum and asked her if I was manipulative She said I wasn't but I argued with her saying that I probably was but that I just didn't know how. When I got to school, I went straight upstairs to my Philosophy class and stood outside. A few minutes later, one of the friends who hadn't said anything bad about me came upstairs and ushered me to come over to her. I did as I was told and just went into her arms and cried. Not for long and not properly. I think I was still too stunned. I told her the truth about the conversation on the phone. She told me that I should have said something back at the cafe and maybe I should have but I wasn't emotionally stable enough to. She promised that she would never stop being friends with me but I didn't believe her as much as I wanted to. I don't think I'd believe anyone.
I went home to an empty house (my gran was still in hospital. She had been since the Wednesday before I think) and just sat in my living room for a while. I just sat there. I didn't move for over half an hour. Just stared into space. I thought about who I was as a persona and was basically just really depressed. Then I decided to try acting like normal. It didn't work. I put my pyjamas on and tried singing some songs (that usually always works when I'm upset. It didn't this time). I remember putting the TV on and not-watching it. I just stared at it for a while. My mum came to check on my a little while later but I didn't want to be around anybody.
Later that evening, three people phoned me: my two remaining friends (the ones who hadn't said anything earlier that day) to check I was okay (which I wasn't) and phone girl. She said she wanted to be friends but I'd heard about her saying things about me to people after the cafe incident. I decided to agree to be friends. I was still upset and I didn't eat or sleep very much that night.
The next day, I went into school and saw house girl. Me, Philosophy girl and my other friend went back to that cafe (but sat at another table). Philosophy girl persuaded me to tell the truth. I did it begrudgingly then regretted it after house girl's reaction. She said 'well, you should've said that yesterday and phone girl isn't here to defend herself so I'm not going to discuss it'. I see her points but still. There wasn't even any point in me telling the truth after the day before. In my opinion, if your friend tells you something but you hear a contradictory thing from someone else and you believe it without question, then you weren't really friends to begin with. At least, you weren't a good friend. Real friends don't doubt each other or call each other names like that. Names hurt. They sting and it's just plain mean. Maybe that's just me. The fact that she was so willing to accept that I could ever do such a nasty and thoughtless thing told me everything I needed to know. Also, I didn't want her to be my friend again so me telling her had no point (as in, there was nothing to gain from it). I just hope it didn't make things worse.
This was yesterday.
Today, when I saw house girl, I barely looked at her. We're never going to be friends again and I'm okay with that. I don't need people like that in my life. I need people who are going to ask me if something's true before accepting that it is. I need people who are going to stand by me and defend me instead of attacking me. Loyal people. I hope I meet people like that soon. Going it alone all the time is getting tiring.
Philosophy girl and my other friend are good people though so, I guess, I should be grateful that I know them.
To be completely honest, I don't even want to be in school any more I'm actually considering leaving which is something I never planned on doing. I always wanted to graduate High School but I'm not sure if me being in school is a very good thing right now. I only have two classes and I never go to one of them and I'm not clever enough for the second. And, now that I only have two friends and two months left, it's seeming more and more pointless.
The title of this post is from the song 'Try' by Pink. It was just going to be 'Friendship' but I felt a lyric was more appropriate for this particular post. I'm trying to remember it constantly. I have to get up and try because I don't want to give up and let them win. I have to be strong. This may be my most honest post ever but, as I'm still fairly certain that I'm the only one who will ever read it, I'm okay with that. Hopefully, I'll be able to look back on this post in the future and smirk because I now have amazing friends and am extremely happy. I hope so anyway.
The next post will be slightly more optimistic. Promise.
Jessica
xoxo
I wrote the above statement on my phone on Tuesday (26th February) after something horrible happened.
Let me take you back a few months, last year (Not entirely sure what month. Maybe November? I don't think it's that important) I went to a friend's house with three other friends. While I was there, we talked about personal stuff (not unusual). Anyway, one of my friends told the rest of us something extremely personal which none of us had known about her. I'm not going to go into what it was because this blog is online and I don't really want to say it. It's not my secret to tell. We were all supposed to stay the night but one of my friends left early. I left about an hour and a half later because her house wasn't very big and I didn't know where I would be sleeping which stressed me out a little bit and I suddenly felt homesick (probably just needed my own space). When I got home, I told the friend who'd left before me that I had gone home. She phoned me and we talked about a bunch of things. I don't remember everything. One thing I do remember is that she had said she was uncomfortable with whatever the girl who's house we were supposed to be staying at had said. I'm not sure if she meant it and I may have gotten the wrong end of the stick. The point is that she said it and I should have kept that to myself. But I didn't. Now, I can keep secrets but, for some reason, I didn't keep this one (seriously regretting that now. From now on, I'm never repeating anything anyone says to me ever again. Even if it's just that they're getting new curtains or something equally not very important (I'm sorry. Getting new curtains is a very important thing and that was a crappy example but you get my point)). I told the two girls who stayed at that other girl's house what the girl on the phone had told me. One of them then persuaded me to tell the girl it was about so I did that the next week (really wish I hadn't done that too). She was a bit upset but I thought that was it. To be completely honest, I had completely forgotten about it by the time it came up again. Everything was semi-okay until about a week before I went to South Africa. Then, all of a sudden the phone girl and the house girl started being a little 'off' with me. I was a bit confused but didn't think too much of it. In South Africa, I could tell that house girl (none of the other girls went) didn't really like me very much but, again, I didn't think much of it. On Tuesday, I sent phone girl a text saying that I was really sorry that we weren't friends right now even though I didn't know why. I also said that, if she didn't want to be friends with me again, then I completely understood. I meant every word of it. Apparently though, that was a manipulating text.Whatever. So, I went to my favourite little cafe (one we go to often) with all four girls. Once we'd ordered, phone girl and house girl decided to 'confront' me. They talked at me for the next half hour or so. I listened to everything they said. About the kind of person I was, about what it was I had apparently done to them. It was a bit much for me to take in to be completely honest. I was a little stunned. During that time, house girl called me 'manipulative'. I may have glared at her for that... In my defence though, they were being really cruel and that, to me, was going a bit far. Anyway, apparently, phone girl had told house girl at some point that I had lied about what she said and house girl wasn't very happy about it. For some reason (I think I was just trying to stop myself from running out of there and crying), I didn't tell house girl the truth. I just said I couldn't remember. I don't really remember much of what I said. I don't think I tried to defend myself very much. I don't even think I was in the right mind to. I remember saying that, if all I was doing was hurting everyone in the group, then I would leave it and make different friends. They probably thought I was manipulating them then too. *rolls eyes*
They said I shouldn't do that because I still had two friends in the group and it would hurt them. I think house-girl was trying to take the moral high ground. She kept saying she could be 'civil' with me but I didn't care about her by then. As soon as she said I was 'manipulative', that was it. I mentally crossed her off my list of people I ever wanted to talk to again.
Soon after that, someone said we should leave if we wanted to get back for class. As soon as that was said, I put my coat on, grabbed my bag and left alone. I was trying (desperately) not to cry by this point. It's ironic that I told the truth but I was being punished for it. Anyway, I called my mum and asked her if I was manipulative She said I wasn't but I argued with her saying that I probably was but that I just didn't know how. When I got to school, I went straight upstairs to my Philosophy class and stood outside. A few minutes later, one of the friends who hadn't said anything bad about me came upstairs and ushered me to come over to her. I did as I was told and just went into her arms and cried. Not for long and not properly. I think I was still too stunned. I told her the truth about the conversation on the phone. She told me that I should have said something back at the cafe and maybe I should have but I wasn't emotionally stable enough to. She promised that she would never stop being friends with me but I didn't believe her as much as I wanted to. I don't think I'd believe anyone.
I went home to an empty house (my gran was still in hospital. She had been since the Wednesday before I think) and just sat in my living room for a while. I just sat there. I didn't move for over half an hour. Just stared into space. I thought about who I was as a persona and was basically just really depressed. Then I decided to try acting like normal. It didn't work. I put my pyjamas on and tried singing some songs (that usually always works when I'm upset. It didn't this time). I remember putting the TV on and not-watching it. I just stared at it for a while. My mum came to check on my a little while later but I didn't want to be around anybody.
Later that evening, three people phoned me: my two remaining friends (the ones who hadn't said anything earlier that day) to check I was okay (which I wasn't) and phone girl. She said she wanted to be friends but I'd heard about her saying things about me to people after the cafe incident. I decided to agree to be friends. I was still upset and I didn't eat or sleep very much that night.
The next day, I went into school and saw house girl. Me, Philosophy girl and my other friend went back to that cafe (but sat at another table). Philosophy girl persuaded me to tell the truth. I did it begrudgingly then regretted it after house girl's reaction. She said 'well, you should've said that yesterday and phone girl isn't here to defend herself so I'm not going to discuss it'. I see her points but still. There wasn't even any point in me telling the truth after the day before. In my opinion, if your friend tells you something but you hear a contradictory thing from someone else and you believe it without question, then you weren't really friends to begin with. At least, you weren't a good friend. Real friends don't doubt each other or call each other names like that. Names hurt. They sting and it's just plain mean. Maybe that's just me. The fact that she was so willing to accept that I could ever do such a nasty and thoughtless thing told me everything I needed to know. Also, I didn't want her to be my friend again so me telling her had no point (as in, there was nothing to gain from it). I just hope it didn't make things worse.
This was yesterday.
Today, when I saw house girl, I barely looked at her. We're never going to be friends again and I'm okay with that. I don't need people like that in my life. I need people who are going to ask me if something's true before accepting that it is. I need people who are going to stand by me and defend me instead of attacking me. Loyal people. I hope I meet people like that soon. Going it alone all the time is getting tiring.
Philosophy girl and my other friend are good people though so, I guess, I should be grateful that I know them.
To be completely honest, I don't even want to be in school any more I'm actually considering leaving which is something I never planned on doing. I always wanted to graduate High School but I'm not sure if me being in school is a very good thing right now. I only have two classes and I never go to one of them and I'm not clever enough for the second. And, now that I only have two friends and two months left, it's seeming more and more pointless.
The title of this post is from the song 'Try' by Pink. It was just going to be 'Friendship' but I felt a lyric was more appropriate for this particular post. I'm trying to remember it constantly. I have to get up and try because I don't want to give up and let them win. I have to be strong. This may be my most honest post ever but, as I'm still fairly certain that I'm the only one who will ever read it, I'm okay with that. Hopefully, I'll be able to look back on this post in the future and smirk because I now have amazing friends and am extremely happy. I hope so anyway.
The next post will be slightly more optimistic. Promise.
Jessica
xoxo
Name Change (Blog not me in real life. I like my name)
So, I changed my name on this to 'Just Jess'. I realised that I was blogging about my life and life isn't stress free. Especially not mine recently. I'm, generally, a very optimistic person but I haven't been feeling very optimistic recently. In fact, I've been feeling the opposite. I'll write another post on that in a minute.
The point is that life is stressful. Life is complicated, people are cruel and bad things happen. My life is nowhere near perfect. It's not happy all the time and it's not always enjoyable. By naming my blog 'Less Stress With Jess', I feel like it was portraying an untrue image of me (even though I'm still about 99.9% sure that I'm the only person who will ever read this, I didn't want to lie to myself either).
As depressing as my description of life was a second ago, I'm not pessimistic about it (even though it definitely seems that way). Life is also laughter and fun and unforgettable experiences. It's not always complicated, people aren't always cruel and good things happen as well. Just because my life hasn't been a picnic so far doesn't mean that my future will be dark and dreary. I am extremely hopeful that it won't be. I have a feeling my next post is going to be an extremely honest one about what's been happening in my life recently and I'm not entirely sure I'm up for that. But I can't let myself forget it either (not that I think I'll be forgetting it ever). The post after that may be slightly more optimistic. Just can't put it in the next post because it would be kinda strange and they're completely unrelated topics.
Anyway, I changed my name on Blogger. No big deal.
(And my page thingy (msjessjohnston) is my Twitter and Tumblr username thing which is why I thought it would make sense if it was my blog too. Also, justjess was taken)
The point is that life is stressful. Life is complicated, people are cruel and bad things happen. My life is nowhere near perfect. It's not happy all the time and it's not always enjoyable. By naming my blog 'Less Stress With Jess', I feel like it was portraying an untrue image of me (even though I'm still about 99.9% sure that I'm the only person who will ever read this, I didn't want to lie to myself either).
As depressing as my description of life was a second ago, I'm not pessimistic about it (even though it definitely seems that way). Life is also laughter and fun and unforgettable experiences. It's not always complicated, people aren't always cruel and good things happen as well. Just because my life hasn't been a picnic so far doesn't mean that my future will be dark and dreary. I am extremely hopeful that it won't be. I have a feeling my next post is going to be an extremely honest one about what's been happening in my life recently and I'm not entirely sure I'm up for that. But I can't let myself forget it either (not that I think I'll be forgetting it ever). The post after that may be slightly more optimistic. Just can't put it in the next post because it would be kinda strange and they're completely unrelated topics.
Anyway, I changed my name on Blogger. No big deal.
(And my page thingy (msjessjohnston) is my Twitter and Tumblr username thing which is why I thought it would make sense if it was my blog too. Also, justjess was taken)
Wednesday, 6 February 2013
1 Day To Go...
Not sure what I'm going to do when I get back from South Africa and can no longer name my posts after how many days I have to go until I leave for South Africa. Guess I will just have to ponder that when I get back.
It's ten o'clock right now and I am panicking. Every five minutes, I remember something else I've forgotten to do. Whether it's ironing, packing, something electrical charging or something else. This is not good. This is bad. Instead of 'Less Stress With Jess', I've become 'Increasing Stress With Jess'. I keep having internal debates about everything; "Should I take this top? No? Leave it. Maybe I should take it. I'll take it. Have I done this? No? Frick. Just another thing to add to my ever-expanding 'To Do List'...". This makes me sound crazy but, I promise, I'm not. If I am, it's the stress. Probably...
So far, I've remembered that I haven't filled out a certain college-application form that I need to send tomorrow and so I'm 'working' hard to get that done. Or, at least, I will be when I finish this post.
I'm also trying to cope with the fact that I'm going to miss A LOT of TV. No Modern Family, The New Normal, Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries or Glee for the next week. I realise that the fact that I am going to miss them whilst in South Africa may sound a little (a lot) pathetic but these are some of my favourite shows. Each one makes me laugh, get angry, cry (mostly Glee even though it's supposed to be a comedy) or a mixture of all three every week. I enjoy them. There is nothing wrong with that. Maybe I'll get lucky and be so busy/tired that I will forget all about the characters and plots of my favourite television shows. Although, I am pretty annoyed that I'm going to miss Klaine making out at Wemma's wedding. Not because I'm a pervert (don't even have a snarky comment to put here) but because I really love the couple. They love each other so much and I have decided that they will be together forever... once they come to their senses that is.
Don't really know what else to say. Hopefully, I will be able to post a few pictures whilst in South Africa as I've come to like this blogging thing. Even if I am the only one who reads it. It's kinda like a diary and it might be nice to come back to it a few years after I stop (if I ever stop) and read what I wrote at different times in my life. Yes, I am that sentimental. Sorry.
Jessica
xoxo
P.S. Dear future me, please don't turn into an asshole. Be nice to people. Because nobody likes an asshole.
It's ten o'clock right now and I am panicking. Every five minutes, I remember something else I've forgotten to do. Whether it's ironing, packing, something electrical charging or something else. This is not good. This is bad. Instead of 'Less Stress With Jess', I've become 'Increasing Stress With Jess'. I keep having internal debates about everything; "Should I take this top? No? Leave it. Maybe I should take it. I'll take it. Have I done this? No? Frick. Just another thing to add to my ever-expanding 'To Do List'...". This makes me sound crazy but, I promise, I'm not. If I am, it's the stress. Probably...
So far, I've remembered that I haven't filled out a certain college-application form that I need to send tomorrow and so I'm 'working' hard to get that done. Or, at least, I will be when I finish this post.
I'm also trying to cope with the fact that I'm going to miss A LOT of TV. No Modern Family, The New Normal, Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries or Glee for the next week. I realise that the fact that I am going to miss them whilst in South Africa may sound a little (a lot) pathetic but these are some of my favourite shows. Each one makes me laugh, get angry, cry (mostly Glee even though it's supposed to be a comedy) or a mixture of all three every week. I enjoy them. There is nothing wrong with that. Maybe I'll get lucky and be so busy/tired that I will forget all about the characters and plots of my favourite television shows. Although, I am pretty annoyed that I'm going to miss Klaine making out at Wemma's wedding. Not because I'm a pervert (don't even have a snarky comment to put here) but because I really love the couple. They love each other so much and I have decided that they will be together forever... once they come to their senses that is.
Don't really know what else to say. Hopefully, I will be able to post a few pictures whilst in South Africa as I've come to like this blogging thing. Even if I am the only one who reads it. It's kinda like a diary and it might be nice to come back to it a few years after I stop (if I ever stop) and read what I wrote at different times in my life. Yes, I am that sentimental. Sorry.
Jessica
xoxo
P.S. Dear future me, please don't turn into an asshole. Be nice to people. Because nobody likes an asshole.
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