I've Forgiven It All, You Set Me Free

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past ten hours or so, you'll recognize those lyrics from the Adele song 'Send My Love (To Your New Lover)'.
The music video (a beautiful, understated, classic black background with Adele in a floral dress blowing your mind - yet again) debuted at the Billboard Music Awards last night and I have watched it about a hundred times since.

The video came at an interesting time for me, personally, as I have finally started to realize something about myself and the way I love.

It's no secret that I loved this guy who will never love me back but I sent a text to my friend last night after I came to a realization about it.
I texted her:

"I had an epiphany. I want a guy who gets just as excited as me about Disney. Who's strong and kind and intelligent but doesn't mind making a fool out of himself every now and then. I want Phil Dunphy"

Okay, this was after two in the morning but you never know when things are gonna hit you.
Phil Dunphy, for those out there who haven't come across Modern Family, is the dad of the Dunphy kids.
Modern Family is a mockumentary about three parts of one family.
I'm not going to go into it all but Phil is my favorite character.
He's a hardworking dreamer who stops at nothing to bond with his kids. The first episode has him singing and dancing to a High School Musical song.
To cut it short, he's my dream dad.
When I was a kid, I would've loved my dad to try and figure out my interests and to do whatever it took to make me happy.
He's funny, sexy (by that, I mean his attempts are adorable. Clive Bigsby anyone?) and he never stops dreaming.

I can't really explain all the reasons as to why he's my dream guy but the bigger point is that I finally accepted something I'd been struggling to for a long time;
You can't keep chasing after ghosts, wishing they'd fall in love with you.

Life isn't one big romantic comedy.
The guy doesn't always get the girl and the girl doesn't always get the guy she's hopelessly in love with.
The girl moves on or the guy falls in love with someone else and where does that leave you?
Alone and miserable.

Last night, I had to accept that maybe, instead of me not being good enough for him, he's not right for me.
Someone can seem perfect in so many ways but, if they can't see that in you, why are you even wasting another thought on them?
You have to grow up and accept that you're worth better than wishing in someone who will never see you.
Once you accept that, you're free.

Which is why I chose those lyrics for my title.
I've forgiven everything that happened, I don't regret it because it taught me so much but I'm done with it. I'm free now.

Hold out for your Phil Dunphy.

Jessica
xoxo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk4BbF7B29w

1 Day To Go...

Not sure what I'm going to do when I get back from South Africa and can no longer name my posts after how many days I have to go until I leave for South Africa. Guess I will just have to ponder that when I get back.
It's ten o'clock right now and I am panicking. Every five minutes, I remember something else I've forgotten to do. Whether it's ironing, packing, something electrical charging or something else. This is not good. This is bad. Instead of 'Less Stress With Jess', I've become 'Increasing Stress With Jess'. I keep having internal debates about everything; "Should I take this top? No? Leave it. Maybe I should take it. I'll take it. Have I done this? No? Frick. Just another thing to add to my ever-expanding 'To Do List'...". This makes me sound crazy but, I promise, I'm not. If I am, it's the stress. Probably...
So far, I've remembered that I haven't filled out a certain college-application form that I need to send tomorrow and so I'm 'working' hard to get that done. Or, at least, I will be when I finish this post.
I'm also trying to cope with the fact that I'm going to miss A LOT of TV. No Modern Family, The New Normal, Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries or Glee for the next week. I realise that the fact that I am going to miss them whilst in South Africa may sound a little (a lot) pathetic but these are some of my favourite shows. Each one makes me laugh, get angry, cry (mostly Glee even though it's supposed to be a comedy) or a mixture of all three every week. I enjoy them. There is nothing wrong with that. Maybe I'll get lucky and be so busy/tired that I will forget all about the characters and plots of my favourite television shows. Although, I am pretty annoyed that I'm going to miss Klaine making out at Wemma's wedding. Not because I'm a pervert (don't even have a snarky comment to put here) but because I really love the couple. They love each other so much and I have decided that they will be together forever... once they come to their senses that is.
Don't really know what else to say. Hopefully, I will be able to post a few pictures whilst in South Africa as I've come to like this blogging thing. Even if I am the only one who reads it. It's kinda like a diary and it might be nice to come back to it a few years after I stop (if I ever stop) and read what I wrote at different times in my life. Yes, I am that sentimental. Sorry.
Jessica
xoxo
P.S. Dear future me, please don't turn into an asshole. Be nice to people. Because nobody likes an asshole.