Bad Decisions? That's alright...

Welcome to my silly life...

It's been a minute (okay, several thousand minutes...) since I wrote here. 

So much has happened in the last year that I can barely believe it. 

I have...

- Left the job I loved for a more mature career in the financial sector
- Took a pay cut for that job that I ultimately ended up hating
- Dated a bit of a dick who I ended things with quickly (but not quite quickly enough)
- Started writing three books and I've got ideas for others
- Left the aforementioned job in the financial sector for a job that sounded incredible but actually turned out to be a scam
- Become unemployed because my mental state couldn't quite take standing outside for seven hours in the cold just in case I made a sale... 

So yeah, it's been quite a year! 

In 2018, I was amazing with my money. I budgeted, I saved, I bought a Macbook. 

I was so proud of myself. 

In 2019, the pay cut and the addition of a car into my life meant a lack of money and new worries that I really struggled with. 

In 2020, I'm hoping to get my life back on track but the lack of a job a month and a half before January is worrying me. 

It's not all bad though. 

I have an incredible boyfriend and wonderful friends who are supporting me in any way that they can at the moment. 

If I'm being entirely honest, they're the only reasons I'm getting through this. 

I mean, I say this. 

I have been officially unemployed for two days. 

That's not very long but it's enough to be driving me insane. 

The worst part is that there's so much I'm afraid/embarrassed to talk to my closest friends and family about. 

I'm embarrassed I made a really stupid decision and took a job I would end up having to leave due to how awful it was (seriously, it was advertised as an amazing opportunity to be a sales and events management trainee but it was actually just a trick which ended up being more like unpaid labour... Okay, it was exactly like that. You go into their office for 7:30am, spend the morning practicing your 'pitch' (which was really just a script to entice people to buy into whatever you were selling), leave the office in groups of three for about 11:30am, go to wherever you've been sent (I was sent to the freezing cold main street in Portobello), spend the next six hours there trying to get as many people to talk to you/buy into the thing you've been assigned to sell before heading back for 6:30pm - 7pm for a debrief. 
I didn't make a single sale (only one of our group of three did) and it was then that I realised that you only got paid if you did make a sale...

After I found that out, it was pretty hard to find the willpower to continue.

I had to walk away because I was so close to having a panic attack at the realisation that I'd just given up a job that paid me consistently every month for one that would pay me if I forced people into signing up for a direct debit for a charity I'd never heard of. 

I'd been semi led to believe that there would be some sort of base wage. 

I was wrong. 
So. Wrong. 

The next day, I went in for about an hour and then I said I had a headache and I left. 

I got in my car and started driving towards my mum's but she didn't answer so I headed to one of my best friend's flat. 

I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid. 

That night, my boyfriend came over and he was so good to me (he has continued to be so incredibly kind to me despite how sarcastic he usually is) but it wasn't enough to curb my anxiety and I couldn't face going in the next day so I texted my 'mentor' and said I was ill again. 

On Monday (yesterday), I quit. 

I told him I needed a job that would be guaranteed to pay me every month instead of one where I stood outside in the freezing cold for several hours without any guarantee I would get paid. 

He accepted it but told me he was 'sorry I saw it that way'. 

I didn't know what other way there was to see it. 

Since last Thursday (when I left with a headache...), I have been frantically applying for jobs. 

I have maybe three weeks before I'm going to seriously worry about money so I'm desperately hoping I'll find something soon.

As for why I'm embarrassed? 

I made this decision. I got myself into this mess. 

I can't blame anyone else but myself for this. 

And, if I'm being completely honest, if I let myself think about it for too long, I probably will have a mental breakdown. 

So why am I writing this all down here? 

This blog has always been where I've come to with intense feelings. 

I wrote here when my mum (nanny) died. 

I wrote here when my cat died.

I wrote here when I was happy too. 

One day, hopefully one not too far away from today, I will look back on this experience as a mistake that I overcame. 

I don't want to forget how massively I messed up or how devastated I was at the result of my actions 

You can't ignore the mistakes you made but nobody ever learned from having continued successes. 

This was a horrendously bad decision that I made but it was a failure I am going to learn from and come out on the other side wiser from it. 

I know that. 

Now, the other thing that I'm too scared to talk about with my friends... 

My boyfriend is brilliant. 

He is smart, successful and he is miles ahead of me in the game of life (that saying 'Don't compare your Chapter 3 to someone else's Chapter 13' comes into my head whenever I think this). 
He wants to be with someone who is equally successful and I'm miles away from being that person. 

Now, it's been years since I was that girl who thought she knew what love was and who didn't believe she was good enough for the boy she wasted that 'love' on. 

But my boyfriend is so unbelievably brilliant that I oftentimes find myself wondering why he's still choosing me every day. 

He's there when I'm at my lowest and he comes over to be with me when I'm struggling. 
He makes me laugh and roll my eyes (often in the same sentence...). 
He's not perfect but he makes up for his mistakes without me asking him to and he always comes through for me without thinking I'm crazy. 

I'm not saying I'm not good enough for him because that's not fair on me and all the work I've done in the last couple of years to improve my opinion on myself. 

I'm just worried. I don't think I've ever been this scared of messing something up. 

Anyway... 

That's just my life at the moment. 

Honest, raw and completely a mess. 

But I'll fix it. 

I have to. 

Love, 
Jess
xoxo

Think Of What The World Could Be

Wow. It's been a while... Thank God the only person judging me is me...

Okay. So. I just saw The Greatest Showman and it was just as incredible as everyone said it was.

Hugh Jackman and Michelle Williams stole my heart with their adorable love story but the biggest thing I took from it was that, with a hard work and big dreams, anything is possible. 

I love that message.

For as long as I can remember, Hope has been one of the most important things in my life.
Whenever, I was down, I'd simply remember to hope because there was better in my future than this moment of sadness I was in right then.
Whenever I felt a pang of sadness or loss over losing nanny, my first love would tell me the word 'Temporary'. This one word would make me stop and think for long enough for me to remember to have hope because, no matter what I was feeling then, it was only 'temporary'.
There has only ever been one period of time where I have lost hope entirely but my friends and their neverending support and love got me through that time so I never dwell on it. 

The Greatest Showman reminded me of that feeling of being in love and being desperate to be good enough and to prove yourself. While the part of me that felt she wasn't good enough is wearing away with every new thing I involve myself in and every step I take away from that, I still feel desperate to prove myself and to become something.

By 'something', I simply mean that I want to make a difference.
I want to help people and make as many people happy as possible.
Because we're all going to have down moments and not everyone has someone around all the time to remind them it's temporary.

I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do that yet but I'm working on it!

Every time I meet someone amazing, I'm reminded of how even the smallest things are important.
Even tonight! I was walking home after the cinema and I paused to find The Greatest Showman soundtrack on my phone so that I could put my favourite songs on my current playlist when a woman came over to me.
She asked if I was locked out and I explained that I was finding an album on my phone and that I was fine.
The kind woman then took my hand and expressed that she was worried because it's freezing. I told her I had lost my gloves and that I was fine but she was so lovely.
It made me smile most of the way home simply because of how kind and sweet she was.

A couple of weeks ago, while in Marks and Spencer, I complimented the cashier's ring and she was so grateful and sweet. She showed me her matching bracelets and thanked me for the compliment before telling me 'I'm not used to getting compliments'. 
Something I didn't think twice about made that woman's day. My heart broke slightly when she told me she wasn't used to compliments as it was such a simple one.
It just reminded me how important those tiny things are. 

Anyway... 

I kinda went on a tangent... 

On an Edinburgh note, I am so grateful to be from this beautiful city.
I meet some of the loveliest people here and I will be a little bit heartbroken whenever I do move away. 
I've been taking some photos of places I see daily on my walk to/from work or places I grew up seeing.
Edinburgh's just evolving so much that I feel like I need this photographic evidence. Who knows what these streets will look like when I come back with my family one day. 

I hope it's still as kind and welcoming as it always has been. 
Edinburgh people are amazing.

I also hope I can find some way to help people in this city before I leave to start whatever new adventure takes me away from Edinburgh.

The littlest things mean so much to people. 

I hope this make some semblance of sense.
It's midnight and I'm singing along to 'A Million Dreams' and 'Tightrope' from The Greatest Showman soundtrack...

Love, 
Jess
xoxo

Eteaket - Edinburgh's Greatest Tea Room

I was going to use a tea pun in the title but decided against it...
You're welcome.

Eteaket's first tea room in Edinburgh opened up in 2008 but its origin story goes back much further than that.
The founder of this incredible company, Erica, used to be a litigation lawyer before deciding that life was much too short to 'be doing something she wasn't completely fulfilled by and passionate about'.
After this, Erica made one of the bravest decisions of her life and began the process of bringing back leaf tea to the British market - something that definitely took a great deal of courage considering the booming coffee industry at the time.
After trips to Sri Lanka and India to learn as much about the tea trade as possible, she opened up the first Eteaket tea room on at 41 Frederick Street in Edinburgh in December 2008.

Erica managed to continue to build her business despite the financial crisis at the time and it is now a company that ships tea across the world, supplies cafe's and restaurants with leaf tea and has a brilliant website.
Eteaket just took another big step by opening up its first retail concept store at 111 Rose Street in Edinburgh, which is another great central location in the city centre.

My first taste of this company was just over a year and a half ago in mid 2016.
An old friend of mine and I decided to try it out for a catch-up so we headed over to Frederick Street and took a seat.
We were served instantly and it took us several minutes to pick just one flavour of tea to have each. My friend chose a floral one while I played it safe with peppermint but, after trying each others, we both agreed that this tea was of incredible quality.

My next experience with the company wouldn't be until much more recently.
I was at a business event at Edinburgh Zoo where they were showing a taster of a Chinese Lantern festival they will be hosting for 50 days running from December when I got a chance to try some more of Eteaket's tea.
The first thing I noticed when I came up the stairs to where all of the different tables were laid out was the Eteaket Tea table.
I love tea so this was heaven for me.
I bypassed the wine and was offered a selection of teas. Once again, playing it safe, I chose the English Breakfast tea and I was instantly at ease in my new surroundings.
The rich, comforting flavour of the tea relaxed me enough to be able to go and speak to other people at the event and I carried it around for most of my time there.

Later on, after some incredible, hand-crafted lanterns had been revealed, I actually got a chance to talk to Erica.
We started discussing the lanterns before moving onto tea and Eteaket.
I had no idea she was the founder of the company and it didn't fully hit me until after she'd handed me her business card.
Erica is so inspiring to me. She's a working mother but, most importantly, she's someone who truly cares about getting Britain, and Scotland, to embrace leaf tea.
Erica works tirelessly with her incredible team to find new flavours and the manager I met at the tea stand (A lovely woman called Angela) even convinced me to try their new Tomatin Whisky Tea.
It's the 1st ever barrel-aged tea and combines traditional flavours with those of the famous distillery in the Highlands of Scotland.
I am not a fan of whisky. It burns my throat and I simply don't like the taste but this tea was just the right amount of flavour for me to be able to enjoy it.
My talks with Erica and Angela that night (and also the three different types of tea I tried) inspired me to look up the website and do some more research about the company.

Anyone who knows me knows I love coffee but I actually drink much more tea so I was in my element.
The website is easy to browse and even has tips on when it's best to drink each tea and the strength of it.
I bought the 3 Month Tea Club and was thrilled when it arrived. I waited until I had a day off from work so I could enjoy it properly and it was definitely worth the wait.
The beautiful and simple packaging and the gorgeous colour of the teapot inside got me extremely excited for the English Breakfast tea and it was truly scrumptious.

I can't wait to order some more and to receive my next two boxes in my subscription.
Jane and I will definitely need to visit the tea room soon!

Jessica

Videos from my Instagram Story: @msjessjohnston

To read more about the founding of this company, click here: Eteaket Story

To shop some delicious tea, click here: Eteaket Treats

Tom Skelton - A 'Proper' Review

Tom Skelton - Blind Man's Bluff

I'm starting September off with one final post about the Fringe.
Now, I realise that this festival ended on Monday but, after seeing Tom Skelton again, I felt I had to write a full-length review of his show.

Seeing Tom for the second time in his incredible performance as several different characters only made me love it more.
He begins the experience in costume as one of the main characters, an optometrist who is integral to the stories told throughout. Dr Ryley ushers you into the room to begin the final lesson and, once inside, you are transported into being in the optometry 'Class of 2017'.
In this particular show, my friend and I were having a pivotal discussion about the pronunciation of the word 'scone'. This included me turning to the woman next to us and asking her for her opinion. When I got even more confused, I asked Tom and he seemed to agree with us that the way we'd all been saying it was the correct way.
After this brief interlude as people were filing into the last seats (including another of my favourite comedians and Tom's friend Chris Turner), the woman next to me joked that I should be in the show. That, of course, earned a laugh and an awkward smile from me as I responded to her that I 'suck at acting and things'.
Nonetheless, I ended up being in the show again.
More on that later...

Tom invites you into the show with a warm and friendly smile. Dr Ryley's jokes leave you questioning whether or not you can laugh but Tom gave us a nod that we could at least once during the show.
His different characters give you a walk through time and I truly enjoyed googling some of the people afterwards to find out more about them.

Samson and Delilah are two of the most interesting people whose lives we get to delve into.
What you aren't expecting is the musical element that comes along with the show. 'Samson' by Regina Spektor plays as Tom struggles to get into the slightly complicated (it has so many holes!) costume for this role. What I loved about this particular performance was the way Tom sang along to a little bit of the song, something I enjoyed as it felt almost as if we were witnessing a private moment for all of five seconds.
For this part, Tom picked a man from the middle area of the audience to play Delilah.
Samson made some pretty interesting hip movements while telling Delilah to ask him where the power of his strength comes from before 'we make love' and I (along with most of the rest of the people in the room) could not stop laughing. This may have been my favourite moment of the show.
After Delilah 'cuts' Samson's hair (aka pulls the wig off of Tom), Delilah is allowed to leave the stage and Samson continues with his story about how he was blinded by Philistines and smashed columns down upon them, killing many more than the people who had blinded him.

My favourite story however, purely because of Tom's portrayal, was that of King Bela 2nd of Hungary.
Tom kept this sketch in despite claims it was one of the 'weaker' sketches' as it has such a 'fabulous costume'. I don't understand why anyone would say this sketch was 'weak' as I found the whole section hilarious, as did the friends I saw Tom with (maybe Tom was joking about this and I'm simply gullible).
The title of this review is actually a reference to a line in this part of the show where he says 'He was a proper geezer' while making a joke about the fact that Bela's son was named Geza and rose to take the crown when he died.
I wish I had the words to explain this sketch but it is definitely something people have to see for themselves as his comical timing and interaction with his new queen along with the costume struggles as the crown from Argos began to give up made for so many laughs from the audience.
Once again, Tom picked someone out from the middle of the room and progressed alongside them. His truthful and historical facts about the different characters he'd included in his hour long show only made the jokes that much stronger.

The final part of Blind Man's Bluff  was something I was expecting... Until it wasn't.
Tom began his search for Libby Clegg's (a Scottish Paralympic sprinter with a degenerating eye condition) guide and somehow it ended up being me.
Did I forget my name this time? No. I did not.
Did I blink rapidly a few times because I was terrified? Yes. I most certainly did.
Nevertheless, I stood up and got into my very fetching neon, reflective jacket. After a moment of reconfirming what I had to do with Tom, we linked arms and I zoned out of the rest of the room. This rarely happens to me but it was fun and I was focused on making sure neither of us tripped over the mini obstacles.
When I'd guided Libby (Tom) along and we'd 'won', I sat back down (after a brief struggle with the high-vis jacket - Tom was not the only one having difficulties with costumes that day).
The show ended with Thomas Skelton (more on him in a second) and his doctor hugging and Tom shifted to hold out a bucket so that people could donate money to a charity he supports called the Royal Society for Blind Children.

As I stood to leave, I wanted to linger a moment and tell Tom how incredible his show was but there were men behind me who had taken a step back to let Jane and I out so I simply left and talked enthusiastically with Jane as we made our way back to my flat.

One thing I haven't mentioned yet is that Tom himself is a character in the show and the basis for the storytelling of blind characters throughout history comes from his Doctor trying to make him feel better about what his happening to him.
The show, while being lighthearted and entertaining, gives you more than just a history lesson.
One of the first moments shows Thomas struggling after getting water in his eyes while swimming with friends. The water leaves him with cloudy vision and he realises there might be something wrong with his eyesight.
This takes us to Dr Ryley who explains to Thomas the condition he has and Thomas' reaction to it breaks your heart in seconds.

The point I'm making is that, while the historical references and jokes about how Thomas is going to find people attractive when he can't properly see them are funny, they also raise awareness for issues most of us might not have ever thought about.
The doctor makes a joke about the fact that, seeing as he can't actually see faces and features until he's up close to a person, he should have even more luck in meeting people as he won't be able to see them until it's too late.
Thomas, however, points out that moments in life (like seeing someone across a crowded room and the eye contact that proves so promising) are important in life.
What I hope Thomas later realises is that life is made up of a million and one moments and eye contact and sight is a large part of that for lots of people but that it is not everything.
Moments come from shared experiences and most of my personal favourites have come from my other senses, mainly touch (something as simple as holding someone's hand for the first time) and hearing.

The combination of audience interaction with perfectly timed jokes, hilarious costume changes and that final element of hard-hitting truth that made you realise there is so much we don't often consider in our daily lives turned Tom's show into an unmissable event.
I hope more people than me will go out and look into the conditions mentioned that affected either some of the characters Tom portrayed or Tom himself.
We need to educate ourselves on as many things as possible in this world so that we can be more accepting and greater as human beings generally.

I cannot wait to see Tom's show again next year. I know it will be brilliant!

Jessica
xoxo

- Photos from Tom's facebook page!

- Go like it and follow along to Racing Minds' podcast - it's hilarious!

- For anyone who wants to learn more about the charity he was raising money for, you can find it both in the link above and also by clicking here: https://www.facebook.com/RSBCcharity/ 
Please donate what you can or even simply just read about what they do or how you can support in different ways.
It all makes a difference.

August Again (Fringe Fun)

I feel like I have to write something this month.
So much happens!

Last year, I lost nanny midway through August on the 18th.
One week later, I was beginning to fall in love for the first time.
One year on and I've just moved into my first apartment. 

Big things happen in August.
Including the Fringe - a classic piece of Edinburgh culture. 

The Edinburgh Fringe Festival runs from the beginning until the end of August every year and it's been especially good for its 70th Anniversary. 

The main shows I've seen and loved are below: 

Racing Minds - Aaaand Now For Something Completely Improvised

This show was as brilliant as it was funny and inspired me to book tickets to the actors' individual shows as well (I'll get onto them in a bit). This show invites the audience into Grandpa's house where he struggles to remember some key details about a story he wants to tell his grandchildren aaaand this is where the audience comes in.
Bamberwill (Daniel Nils Roberts) goes out into the audience to collect three vital pieces of information: A character's name, the place it happened and a secret the character has.
The final key part needed is the title which, once again comes from the audience.

The first time I saw it (I saw it twice more on my two days off work) the show was set in Scotland and Penelope (Tom Skelton) had quite the journey whilst looking fabulous as she was, in fact, a style icon. 

The actors' quick-thinking and comedic chemistry leaves you laughing and wishing you could see it again - if only they recorded all of their shows. 

Thankfully, they have a podcast which you can subscribe to: www.racingminds.co.uk/wireless

And a website! http://racingminds.co.uk/

Tom Skelton - Blind Man's Bluff

So funny I've booked myself a ticket to see it on the last day of the fringe! 

This show gives you a 'mad comedy history of blindness' including famous people with visual impairments while the basis of it is set in an optometrist's office.
I was actually pulled up for this one and... Forgot my name briefly.
The actor in me has definitely vanished.
I was so embarrassed! Tom was hilarious while also making you think and I loved how he got audience members involved in the show. My friend loved it too - partially because she enjoyed laughing at me but the joke's on her because I got a round of applause... From an elderly lady sitting behind me (still counts). 

I can't wait to see this show again and what the future holds for Tom.

Daniel Nils Roberts - The Causeway

I liked this more than I expected to as I wasn't quite sure what to make of it when I read the description. Daniel was funny, kept me thinking and I loved the historic elements it had in it as I'm a big History lover. We even had some great audience participation which made it even funnier. 

As the end of the fringe draws nearer, I'm beginning to forget how many shows I've seen but this show, like the other Racing Minds shows I got to see, will definitely stay in my head as one of the best ones.
I only wish I could have seen it more than once.  

Chris Turner - What A Time To Be Alive

Chris ended up being a little bit of a wildcard for me as I didn't know what to expect with this show.
When I saw it, however, I was floored by his level of talent. His improvised rap skills are incredible and I was blown away by the quality of the rap he created using words the audience had written down on pieces of paper we were handed as we walked in. 

I watched his Yorkshire Tea advert a couple of days after I saw the show and I was stunned.
This show is different from Tom's and some of the others Racing Minds are doing as it doesn't involve sketches. What it does involve is amazing stand-up and a rap by one of the best rappers I've ever witnessed (I am not a fan of rap but I could listen to his all day). 

Aaaand now for some shows that had nothing to do with Racing Minds (I know, I can't believe I saw anything else either)...

The Improv Musical

I saw this a couple of days after seeing the Racing Minds show and I wasn't sure if its layout would be similar or not.
In a way, it was as the audience were asked for characters' names and places but this time we had to vote.
The host of the show was incredible. He didn't get to be involved with the show too much but he played the drums a little on his seat thing (cannot remember what he was sitting on but it was rectangular and black).
As for the show itself, the characters chosen by the audience had to follow the plot of whatever we'd chosen and create a musical about it.
The songs were almost as good as Chris' improvised raps and I couldn't stop laughing at Mr Bean. 

I might have to see it next year. 

2 Become 1

I'd heard lots of good things and booked this for a day I knew would be a little difficult for me personally speaking.
After seeing Racing Minds for the last time (I'm still heartbroken), I was even more excited to see this. 

2 Become 1 centres around Jess who's recently had her heart broken by her perfect man (Me in December definitely cannot relate whatsoever...) so her friends decide to take her speed dating.

Oddly enough, this is not a perfect solution but the 90's hits they sing throughout the show and the audience participation when Mandy pulls a man onstage as her date leaves you laughing continuously. 

They got a standing ovation and I hope they come back next year! 

I haven't listed all of the shows I went to this year but these were my favourites.
I didn't meant to do a sort of '5 Best Things To See At The Fringe' thing but it's happened all on its own (Except I listed 6 things instead of 5 - Yup, I can count). 

This August has been pretty great compared to last year's whirlwind of heartbreak and new love. I wonder what next year will bring! Happy Fringing!

Jess

xoxo

Wonderful Woman

To say that I 'enjoyed' Wonder Woman would be an understatement of epic proportions. 

My friend accidentally booked tickets to a show for the wrong week and, unfortunately, I couldn't make the show next week due to work so we ended up seeing this film last night after a lovely dinner (I couldn't eat much. I'd gotten tipsy with Jane (my best friend) at lunch that afternoon). 
My friend wasn't really into it but I begged her and we booked our seats. 

What I didn't realise was that the film doesn't officially come out until today, which may explain why the theatre was so full. 

I loved it though. It was incredible! From the island of Amazon women living and cohabiting peacefully on this beautiful hidden island to the action-packed scenes where Gal Gadot truly got to show the world what woman can do... I was hooked from start to finish. 
Even my friend liked it. 

Growing up, there wasn't much representation for women-led movies that had such a strong and passionate female lead and this was as little as ten years ago. 
Wonder Woman embraces her power and seeks to fight for the greater good, inherently believing that love is the most powerful and important thing we have in this world. 

Regardless of where you are in your life, it's always empowering and exciting to see a strong and intelligent woman kick ass on the big screen and I'm so excited by the fact that millions of little girls get to see such a woman doing incredible things. 

Jessica
xoxo

Manchester

I cannot believe it has been one week since the Manchester attack. 

When it first happened, I didn't really process it. I was on a bus to work at 6am and my mind was still wishing I was asleep. 

The attack happened on Monday night, shortly after Ariana Grande had performed her final song. 

My memories of concerts are always the same. 

We leave, rush downstairs to run to get the train back to Edinburgh from Glasgow. 

I can't imagine doing those same things and hearing an explosion in the background. 

I have read so much about what happened since the attack.
I've read about the people injured, the stories of those who survived, and of those who didn't. 

An eight year old little girl has been confirmed as the youngest of the 22 who lost their lives due to one person's madness last Monday. 

Martyn Hett, who was a 29 year old PR Manager, also lost his life. 

Martyn featured in an episode of 'Couples Come Dine With Me' (my favourite reality-esque show in Britain) a few years ago and I've watched his episode multiple times since.
From the first time with nanny, to my bingeing session a few weeks ago...
He always made me laugh.

He was more outgoing than his partner Russell and they made such a perfect pair together.
You could see the love between them radiating, even through the television screen. 

My heart breaks for Russell.

And for everyone who has lost someone because of that horrible 'man'. 

But what has truly warmed my heart is the amount of love and strength Manchester, as a city, has shown. Their community has well and truly pulled together for everyone left broken by something that never should have happened at all. 

Embracing love and kindness in the face of true evil and cruelty is something I wish we heard more of.
But, it's in light of these tragedies that people really do shine. 

I hope everyone in Manchester and the families and loved ones of those we lost knows they have a whole world of love and support if they ever need anything.

Life will never be the same without those 22 incredible human beings we lost to heaven last week but our hearts will never forget them. 

Rest In Peace, Martyn.
Rest in Peace everyone who passed away. 

The world is a better place because you lived in it. 

Jessica

xoxo