Bad Things Happen In Threes

Just over a week ago, my gran went into hospital.
She woke me up at 5AM because she couldn't breathe and I stayed with her for three hours before calling an ambulance, despite her many requests not to.
The doctors told her she had pneumonia and she ended up having to be in for just over a week.

Last Thursday, I took my cat to the vet and she found a large lump on my cat Oscar's abdomen.
I broke down in tears and didn't stop crying until after my best friend came over at midnight to make sure I was okay.

Today, my uncle swore and pushed my sister because the living room wasn't cleared of my things.

My bedroom's been needing done for years.
I've been struggling to get rid of stuff since my gran and I moved into a smaller house almost seven years ago and multiple reasons over the years have stopped me from getting stuck into it.
While my gran was in hospital, a new carpet was fitted and we moved everything from my room into the living room so I could organise and get rid of things.

I haven't yet gotten everything out of it but I've been doing a little every day and I am extremely grateful for all the help I've had.
What I'm not grateful for is my uncle being self-righteous and nasty.

We've all done things we regret before.
I've said things I shouldn't have and I've apologised but he went behind my back and talked about me to my mum - which isn't even the worst part.
She called him because she was furious with his behaviour and, instead of apologising for it and admitting he was wrong, he called me out on mistakes I've made and pulled my aunt and great aunt into it, saying they were mad too.

I've always hated childishness in adults.
I mean, I'm all for getting silly at Disneyland or getting drunk just to have fun but, when it comes to serious things, I hate it.

There's a time and a place, you know?

A 46-year-old man bitching to his sister about her 20-year-old daughter is pathetic.
If you're going to be an asshole, go ahead and say it to the person's face.
I can take it!
I'm a big girl!

When I have a problem with someone, I go to them about it and try to figure out a way for it to be resolved.
Bitching about someone and refusing to accept when you're wrong is something I would've done in High School.
After the age of 12, it stops being acceptable.

I've always had a complicated relationship with my family because I can't trust a lot of them but I've been mending my relationship with my mum and she has my back.

My uncle though? Once I move, I'm never talking to him again.

People who can't admit when they're wrong and who act like children when they get older are pathetic and I don't need that in my life.

Jessica
xoxo

Frenemies

This morning on the British version of 'The Talk', 'Loose Women', one of their topics was on whether or not friendship breakups are equal to breakups with a partner.
I haven't experienced a breakup upsetting enough to equate the loss of a friendship but I definitely think a friendship breakup is on the same level as some relationships.

As Nadia Sawalha said on 'Loose Women' today, we fall in love with friends in certain ways.
We get to know these people and connect over similar interests and we end up seeing them as much as we're able to.
You bond with your friend, telling secrets, getting life/love advice from them, consoling and being consoled by them...
Friendships are incredibly important relationships in our lives as we learn from these people and grow with them.
The friendships you have in life end up defining you.

But you shouldn't keep friends in your life out of some sense of duty.

I have one friend from primary school that I'm still in touch with. 16 years later and we're still as close as ever. She's lived twenty minutes away from me my whole life and, although we've gone down different paths, she still makes me feel just as important and included as she did when we saw each other every day in school.
We've had hiccups though.
We went to different high schools for a few weeks and I worried we'd stop being friends altogether.
The phone calls grew less and less frequent and we both made new friends.
We worked through it though.
She came to my high school in the end and, even though I had a new best friend (an amazing, fun, bubbly, kind and driven girl I automatically idolized), we stayed close.
She's the only person I've been on holiday with and we have so many memories together that life without her just isn't conceivable.

My high school best friend is a regret.
Not because I regret our friendship but I ended up being really naive and stupid and we said things out of anger which caused the ending of one of the most important friendships of my life.
Our other friend, who I also lost, was someone I ended up talking things through with after a few months and we were able to work it out and she's one of my favourite people in the world. She's funny, sarcastic, talented and absolutely incredible.
I'm glad we saved our friendship but I hate how I lost them both at that time.
My best friend in high school is someone I still admire and respect. I see her, from time to time, and we catch up like old friends. I'm so incredibly grateful for that. I didn't lose her completely, even after my mistake.
But it'll never be like it used to be and I have to accept that.
Losing two friends at once, although it was through my own idiocy, was awful.
I got really low, didn't want to leave the house or talk to anyone and gained weight (I went up two dress sizes). It was awful.
Definitely as painful as a breakup.

Since then, the main friendship I've lost is the girl from nursery.
With that, the break wasn't sudden and it wasn't my fault so I don't carry any guilt from that as I know I tried everything I could to save it.
It still hurt though, despite her phasing me out over time.
I used to love how different we were and how close we were. I could tell her anything and our families had known each other for years. We experienced so much together, all for her to decide I wasn't worth her friendship 17 years later.

But losing a friend you've had for almost 20 years isn't, necessarily, a bad thing.
I'm talking about it broadly and not just my experience.

You grow as you get older; emotionally and spiritually.
You're not always going to have the same friends you've had since you were five years old because things change.
People change, move, gain new experiences and new friends...
Circumstance is a funny thing.
Once you leave school or a job or a city, you find out the people who you were only friends with because you saw them every day.

The people you meet along the road are going to shape you and your experiences in life will mean you might not have room for people you no longer share anything in common with and that's okay.

But it's important not to keep toxic people in your life ('frenemies') as they'll only hold you back from your dreams and goals.

That's all from me!

Jessica
xoxo

Girls Against Girls

There's always going to be something women pick on each other for. Hair, weight, style, job, lack of job, career choice... It's, unfortunately, something women do. 

Recently, Amy Schumer has been accused of 'skinny shaming' Taylor Swift. 

In my opinion, any kind of weight shaming is not okay and should be called out immediately. 

Amy is a well-known comedienne and she's done great things over the last year or so in terms of her creative projects. But the jokey comment on Instagram isn't funny due to the fact that it's a joke on Taylor Swift's slim figure. 

She comments that she made the joke about her own weight and the fact she doesn't have a thigh gap but it's not really relevant. I understand she's a fan of Taylor and that she wants to explain away her joke but it strictly wasn't funny. You can't joke about someone's weight. 

This is her original post: 

Yes, it's a flippant comment but, again, there are limits to what's alright to joke about. Weight is never one of them. Whether you're fat, thin, curvy, petite, whatever - it's never okay to make a joke at someone's expense because of it. I'm glad people are calling her out on it because no one should be exempt from being told something isn't right. 

I had to comment on the article I read a few minutes ago. This is what I put: 

WOMEN NEED TO SUPPORT OTHER WOMEN! 

That's my point here. I know it may seem as if some of us are just 'overreacting' to a joke but that's my point. Taylor may be strong enough to ignore stupid posts like this but me making the same joke to a friend or aquaintence could really upset them. 

Joking about someone's weight is NEVER okay. 

Let's get back to supporting each other. 

Congratulations on your GRAMMY's win and incredible performance, Taylor! 

Jessica

xoxo

http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/entertainment/news/a41324/taylor-thats-not-a-thigh-gap/?utm_content=buffer66b81&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer 

Edit: 

In the hours since I posted this, I have found out that Amy Schumer posted a response to the anger over her skinny shaming. 

Denying any responsibility when your 'joke' has offended people just makes the whole situation worse. Regardless of what your intent might have been, laughing it off when a large amount of people were hurt by your comment makes it seem like you don't care. 

If I were to say the same thing and people got offended, I would apologize. It's the right thing to do. If people are upset because of a silly comment you made, you apologize to them for it. 

I'm all for women supporting women but I don't know if I can support Amy Schumer after this. It may be a small thing to a lot of people but I am surrounded by people who have had weight issues every day and it's not fair to them to laugh it off like it's nothing. 

We need to keep calling people out for it. This isn't okay. 

Jessica

xoxo

Hopelessly Devoted To... Yourself

Most of us can say that we've gone after someone who wasn't right for us. Maybe they were already dating someone? Maybe they were not right for us in every sense of the word thanks to different opinions? Maybe they were too young or too old? Maybe they didn't know how to treat us?

Whatever it was, we've all been there and it's not a fun place to be. 

Heartbreak is never easy but it does give you a great chance to do something not all people ever try: Get to know yourself. 

I've been single for a long time. 

I'm picky and the last guy I let in broke my heart so I'm not ready to let myself get that raw again.

But it's given me a great chance to get to know myself. 

I've read a lot of articles about dating yourself and I love it. 

What really got me into it though was Taylor Swift. 

Celebrity culture is bigger than ever with the Internet and bloggers, makeup guru's and singers all over YouTube. Anyone can become famous with a bit of dedication and a computer. 

Taylor Swift is my idol. 

I follow everything she does and appreciate it all. She's like a close friend. Her music has helped me through some of my most difficult times and I'm forever grateful for her. 

During the time between 'Red' in 2012 and '1989' in 2014, Taylor went through a big image change and she made it clear that she was the girl who 'rarely had a boyfriend' over the one who always did. She focuses on herself, her music and her friends. She surrounded herself with strong women who empowered her and made sure her friendships had a positive impact on every person involved. 

I wanted to be like that. 

So I'm still trying to surround myself with women who make me want to be better. 

And I've learned so much about myself. 

I love to cook so I've been trying to expand on that. I'm reading a bit more. 

I'm not saying I don't get lonely but I have incredible friends to help with that. 

I'm enjoying being single for now. I'm 20. I don't need to rug into anything and getting to know yourself can be incredible. 

Jessica 

xoxo

Hopelessly Devoted To... Yourself

Most of us can say that we've gone after someone who wasn't right for us. Maybe they were already dating someone? Maybe they were not right for us in every sense of the word thanks to different opinions? Maybe they were too young or too old? Maybe they didn't know how to treat us?

Whatever it was, we've all been there and it's not a fun place to be. 

Heartbreak is never easy but it does give you a great chance to do something not all people ever try: Get to know yourself. 

I've been single for a long time. 

I'm picky and the last guy I let in broke my heart so I'm not ready to let myself get that raw again.

But it's given me a great chance to get to know myself. 

I've read a lot of articles about dating yourself and I love it. 

What really got me into it though was Taylor Swift. 

Celebrity culture is bigger than ever with the Internet and bloggers, makeup guru's and singers all over YouTube. Anyone can become famous with a bit of dedication and a computer. 

Taylor Swift is my idol. 

I follow everything she does and appreciate it all. She's like a close friend. Her music has helped me through some of my most difficult times and I'm forever grateful for her. 

During the time between 'Red' in 2012 and '1989' in 2014, Taylor went through a big image change and she made it clear that she was the girl who 'rarely had a boyfriend' over the one who always did. She focuses on herself, her music and her friends. She surrounded herself with strong women who empowered her and made sure her friendships had a positive impact on every person involved. 

I wanted to be like that. 

So I'm still trying to surround myself with women who make me want to be better. 

And I've learned so much about myself. 

I love to cook so I've been trying to expand on that. I'm reading a bit more. 

I'm not saying I don't get lonely but I have incredible friends to help with that. 

I'm enjoying being single for now. I'm 20. I don't need to rush into anything and getting to know yourself can be incredible. 

Jessica 

xoxo