Short Hair - Don't Care!

I've always been of the mindset that hair represents you as much as your choice of clothes or makeup do. 

I was raised a girly girl. I always had long, blonde hair and I loved it. It was me. 

There were two instances in my childhood where this wasn't the case and, both times, it was when my mum cut my hair. She gave me a bob when I was eight and twelve. 

Not a good look on me. 

The first time my hair was cut so short, it grew back relatively quickly. The second time, I wasn't that lucky. I had shoulder-length hair for about three years afterwards and I figured it might never grow back as long as it used to be. 

But then it did and I was thrilled. 

For a long time, I figured I wouldn't cut it short ever again. 

So I didn't. For three years. 

But 20 is a new decade and I figured it'd be a new beginning so I wanted to cut it a little shorter. 

Thing is, I didn't. It took me over a month after my birthday and one moment of near insanity (maybe clarity) to finally bite the bullet. I cut my hair myself. At 10pm on Wednesday.

I think you reach a certain point where you think 'Do I want my life to continue as it is right now or do I want to change it?' and cutting my hair is, I hope, going to be instrumental in this. 

So far, people seem to like it and I love it. 

Hopefully, this is the start of something better.

 

'Sometimes You've Got To Cry A Little To Be Able To Smile A Lot'

Tonight, I did something I swore I'd never do; I cried over the last - and only - boy to ever break my heart.
The reasons I promised myself I wouldn't cry over him were simple:

1. I always knew he was still in love with his ex and the probability of us ever actually becoming anything were slim
2. Crying over a boy is not something confident, self-sufficient, strong women do (Yeah, that's utter bullshit)
3. We never actually dated

The first one is number one on the list because it was the thing all my friends pointed out to me when I was gushing over his adorable texts that would make me grin from ear to ear whenever I got one. I knew this but some things are easy to look past when you're hopeful and it's the first guy to make your heart flutter.
Number two on my list of reasons has more to do with my feelings about myself and the standards I set. I've been through a lot in my short-ish life. It's enough to know that crying over a guy I'd only properly known for a couple of months is low on the scale of 'Bad Things That Have Happened To Me'. The way I look back on all these bad moments now is that, while I'm not glad they happened, I'm grateful for the fact that they made me stronger. I am extremely strong minded and I rarely break when things get tough - it takes a lot. So this wasn't really an assumption or pressure on women as a whole -  it was about me.
My last reason is the one that stands out for me. How can someone you never dated break your heart?
Now, here's where it gets complicated.
We met and flirted and I knew about his ex. After a few weeks, we kissed and we talked everything through the next night. We agreed that neither of us wanted a relationship.
That's something I'm proud of by the way. Talking it through was mature and, regardless of the outcome, communication is always key.
My friends told me not to trust this and to be careful and I... I heard them but I didn't really listen. I trusted my heart. He was the first man who'd ever made me feel special and wanted and like I was worth more than my own opinion of me. And that? That is everything to a girl who's never had that before.
I let him into my heart and he made me laugh and smile and we connected.
And still, we communicated about where this was/wasn't going.
But him being in love with his ex gets complicated when he's flirting with you and telling you everything you want to hear. That's where I got lost.
And so I began to fall for something that could happen. We had potential. Like-minded people with different interests but common ones too. He gave me hope for something that never happened.
But then the ball dropped. The chandelier fell right on top of me. The balloon popped. The glass smashed. Whatever you want to call it, it happened.
We'd been flirting semi-consistently every week for about two months. In three days, I went from 'hopeful and happy' to 'confused and crushed'. I had no idea they'd still been talking all this time and then he said he wanted to get back together with her and... Yeah. 

I wrote a good song though.

"Better (Original Song) via Smule

http://www.smule.com/p/166496379_259401184 

At the end of the day, I was left broken and hurt by this.
And I was angry. So angry. At myself for trusting him when all of my friends told me to be careful, at him for flirting with me and making me feel like he wanted me when I don't even know if I believe he ever did.
He doesn't understand either. I still have to see him and, tomorrow, I have to see her too - the ex/current girlfriend. Tomorrow and at my best friend's birthday in two weeks time.
I don't hold any hard feelings towards her. I just pray she feels the same about me...
Otherwise, these next few weeks are going to be even more painful.
The main issue here is that, from his point of view, he never led me on and I never thought anything was going to happen because he always made it clear that he was still in love with her.
He doesn't understand that bringing her to these things and flaunting their perfect relationship in front of me is going to kill me.
So, tonight, when I found out she was coming to my best friend's birthday I cried.
For about fifteen minutes. It just doesn't seem fair though. That I'm the one crying because I take time to mourn things that could've been when he's perfectly happy and blissfully unaware of my pain.
Then again, what in life is fair?
I know I'll look back on this one day and be so grateful nothing ever went further.
I was on the phone to my friend earlier and she said something I'm going to remember for a long time:

'One day, you'll be glad your first heartbreak was a guy you never dated because you can learn from it and know how to cope next time instead of getting in too deep and getting your heart broken by someone you thought loved you'

She has a point. While I thought the attraction was mutual and that he actually cared about me, it's better getting your heart broken by a guy you never fell in love with and who you never got to make lots of memories with. I have memories of him and they're mostly fond.
What he'll never understand though is that I don't let guys in. I've been let down by men since I was born and I don't trust men easily. I have two incredible male friends who are brilliant and I adore them. They're fine. But romantically? Nope. It's not something I can do easily.
He was the first man I ever felt like 'This could really go somewhere' and he's going to be the last until I meet someone worthy enough of my trust again.

Unfortunately, this story is continuous. I'll be seeing him and his loved-up girlfriend acting like nothing ever happened in 21 hours.
You can't always run away from your ghosts but, when you're forced to face them, you can always depend on your girlfriends to help. I have several going to my best friend's party and she's going to try and tell him to be a little more sensitive considering how hurt I still am. At least, I'll have backup for that. Tomorrow? I'm not proud of this but I'm planning on looking fabulous and drinking wine to get reasonably drunk. Then I'm going to dance with my best friend and celebrate my other friend.

Life is always going to throw you curve balls. How you react and grow from them is all down to you. You just have to try and make the best choices you can.

Jessica
xoxo

P.S. My current choice is to drink a large cup of Twinings English Breakfast Tea while eating peanuts and watching the latest episode of 'Modern Family'

Girls Against Girls

There's always going to be something women pick on each other for. Hair, weight, style, job, lack of job, career choice... It's, unfortunately, something women do. 

Recently, Amy Schumer has been accused of 'skinny shaming' Taylor Swift. 

In my opinion, any kind of weight shaming is not okay and should be called out immediately. 

Amy is a well-known comedienne and she's done great things over the last year or so in terms of her creative projects. But the jokey comment on Instagram isn't funny due to the fact that it's a joke on Taylor Swift's slim figure. 

She comments that she made the joke about her own weight and the fact she doesn't have a thigh gap but it's not really relevant. I understand she's a fan of Taylor and that she wants to explain away her joke but it strictly wasn't funny. You can't joke about someone's weight. 

This is her original post: 

Yes, it's a flippant comment but, again, there are limits to what's alright to joke about. Weight is never one of them. Whether you're fat, thin, curvy, petite, whatever - it's never okay to make a joke at someone's expense because of it. I'm glad people are calling her out on it because no one should be exempt from being told something isn't right. 

I had to comment on the article I read a few minutes ago. This is what I put: 

WOMEN NEED TO SUPPORT OTHER WOMEN! 

That's my point here. I know it may seem as if some of us are just 'overreacting' to a joke but that's my point. Taylor may be strong enough to ignore stupid posts like this but me making the same joke to a friend or aquaintence could really upset them. 

Joking about someone's weight is NEVER okay. 

Let's get back to supporting each other. 

Congratulations on your GRAMMY's win and incredible performance, Taylor! 

Jessica

xoxo

http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/entertainment/news/a41324/taylor-thats-not-a-thigh-gap/?utm_content=buffer66b81&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer 

Edit: 

In the hours since I posted this, I have found out that Amy Schumer posted a response to the anger over her skinny shaming. 

Denying any responsibility when your 'joke' has offended people just makes the whole situation worse. Regardless of what your intent might have been, laughing it off when a large amount of people were hurt by your comment makes it seem like you don't care. 

If I were to say the same thing and people got offended, I would apologize. It's the right thing to do. If people are upset because of a silly comment you made, you apologize to them for it. 

I'm all for women supporting women but I don't know if I can support Amy Schumer after this. It may be a small thing to a lot of people but I am surrounded by people who have had weight issues every day and it's not fair to them to laugh it off like it's nothing. 

We need to keep calling people out for it. This isn't okay. 

Jessica

xoxo

My Favorite GRAMMY's Looks

Sam Smith looks stunning in that tailored to perfection navy suit while Selena Gomez shows off her incredible body in the most gorgeous, sparkling blue dress. James Bay kept it cool with his velvet suit jacket, adding a twist on the classic tuxedo. When doesn't Adele look flawless? The cinched in waist gives the dress an elegant edge and I love the glitter. 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hi! 

Hope anyone who sees this had a lovely Valentine's Day! 

I had an incredible time in Glasgow with my friend Karlie! We got Starbucks then ate at Five Guys and saw Zoolander 2! It was so much fun!

Jessica

xoxo

Hopelessly Devoted To... Yourself

Most of us can say that we've gone after someone who wasn't right for us. Maybe they were already dating someone? Maybe they were not right for us in every sense of the word thanks to different opinions? Maybe they were too young or too old? Maybe they didn't know how to treat us?

Whatever it was, we've all been there and it's not a fun place to be. 

Heartbreak is never easy but it does give you a great chance to do something not all people ever try: Get to know yourself. 

I've been single for a long time. 

I'm picky and the last guy I let in broke my heart so I'm not ready to let myself get that raw again.

But it's given me a great chance to get to know myself. 

I've read a lot of articles about dating yourself and I love it. 

What really got me into it though was Taylor Swift. 

Celebrity culture is bigger than ever with the Internet and bloggers, makeup guru's and singers all over YouTube. Anyone can become famous with a bit of dedication and a computer. 

Taylor Swift is my idol. 

I follow everything she does and appreciate it all. She's like a close friend. Her music has helped me through some of my most difficult times and I'm forever grateful for her. 

During the time between 'Red' in 2012 and '1989' in 2014, Taylor went through a big image change and she made it clear that she was the girl who 'rarely had a boyfriend' over the one who always did. She focuses on herself, her music and her friends. She surrounded herself with strong women who empowered her and made sure her friendships had a positive impact on every person involved. 

I wanted to be like that. 

So I'm still trying to surround myself with women who make me want to be better. 

And I've learned so much about myself. 

I love to cook so I've been trying to expand on that. I'm reading a bit more. 

I'm not saying I don't get lonely but I have incredible friends to help with that. 

I'm enjoying being single for now. I'm 20. I don't need to rug into anything and getting to know yourself can be incredible. 

Jessica 

xoxo

Hopelessly Devoted To... Yourself

Most of us can say that we've gone after someone who wasn't right for us. Maybe they were already dating someone? Maybe they were not right for us in every sense of the word thanks to different opinions? Maybe they were too young or too old? Maybe they didn't know how to treat us?

Whatever it was, we've all been there and it's not a fun place to be. 

Heartbreak is never easy but it does give you a great chance to do something not all people ever try: Get to know yourself. 

I've been single for a long time. 

I'm picky and the last guy I let in broke my heart so I'm not ready to let myself get that raw again.

But it's given me a great chance to get to know myself. 

I've read a lot of articles about dating yourself and I love it. 

What really got me into it though was Taylor Swift. 

Celebrity culture is bigger than ever with the Internet and bloggers, makeup guru's and singers all over YouTube. Anyone can become famous with a bit of dedication and a computer. 

Taylor Swift is my idol. 

I follow everything she does and appreciate it all. She's like a close friend. Her music has helped me through some of my most difficult times and I'm forever grateful for her. 

During the time between 'Red' in 2012 and '1989' in 2014, Taylor went through a big image change and she made it clear that she was the girl who 'rarely had a boyfriend' over the one who always did. She focuses on herself, her music and her friends. She surrounded herself with strong women who empowered her and made sure her friendships had a positive impact on every person involved. 

I wanted to be like that. 

So I'm still trying to surround myself with women who make me want to be better. 

And I've learned so much about myself. 

I love to cook so I've been trying to expand on that. I'm reading a bit more. 

I'm not saying I don't get lonely but I have incredible friends to help with that. 

I'm enjoying being single for now. I'm 20. I don't need to rush into anything and getting to know yourself can be incredible. 

Jessica 

xoxo