Rest In Peace Cory Monteith.

"Love is how you stay alive, even after you're gone." - Cory Monteith

Cory Monteith was born on the 11th of May 1982. He died on the 13th of July 2013. Last Saturday.
I don't think I'll ever forget what I was doing when I found out. My second cousins had been over to stay (the next post will probably be about that as it includes lots of Edinburgh things and it's a lot happier and more positive than this post will be due to the somber topic and my general need to express my feelings about it) and they'd woken me up at twenty to eight in the morning on Sunday. We were all on my bed when I got a Tweet alert saying that Taylor Swift had Tweeted. Her Tweet read 'Speechless. And for the worst reason.'. Being a huge Taylor Swift fan, I was automatically worried about her and wondered what had happened. I went onto Tumblr and got increasingly confused when I kept seeing posts about death so I moved on to Twitter instead. That's when I found out.
I remember reading countless Tweets about Cory and how he was dead and how horrible it all was. My mind immediately went to Lea, his girlfriend, and to the cast and his family and friends and all the other fans. I also remember my hand going to my mouth as I murmured 'No. No. No! Lea... Oh my God, Lea!', very much in denial. But I had two little girls asking me what was wrong so I couldn't burst into tears and grieve for him. I had to try and stay strong because breaking down in front of the girls wasn't an option.
So I did. I had sad periods and I wasn't as bubbly or as happy as I had been for the past few days. The girls and I talked about it but not in great detail and they were kind and gave me hugs and were good to me.
When my sister and my mother came over at about four thirty, the girls were leaving and I collapsed into my sister's arms, crying. I didn't stop crying until I went to sleep at about two in the morning the next day.
I went out with my mother and sister to get ice cream because I wanted ice cream and I thought I should get out of the house. Basically, it was an awful idea. I barely stopped crying during the whole car ride and broke down in the ice cream store when a friend called me to ask if I was okay. I was a mess and I went out too fast. I cried the whole way back and barely touched my ice cream.
My sister wanted to stay with me because she was so worried about me but I didn't let her. I think I wanted to be alone. I spent the night crying and watching the British version of Law and Order which I barely remember.
I also texted my best friend Jane and we had a semi-breakdown. We vowed our undying love for each other and commitment and promised to never leave each other. If we were a lesbian couple, I'm pretty sure we would have decided on a wedding date.
No. In all seriousness, it was incredibly sweet. And it made me feel a little better.
We met up the next day and she bought me a raspberry and white chocolate cooler thing and a cupcake from Costa. It was so good of her... I love her so much and am incredibly grateful for her kindness. She has been there for me through the whole thing and I'm not sure I would have coped without her support.
So many people are talking about how Cory died but I don't think it's important. I'm not saying that I won't remember him for his struggles because that's not true; I'll remember him for everything. He battled a difficult addiction and he tried to get better. He never took his life for granted and was so grateful to be alive. He was an incredible man and he will forever remain a hero in my eyes.
His favourite colour was blue. Just over a week after his death and I've worn the colour every day since. It's my way of honouring him.
I've also prayed for him every night since. I don't know why or if it's how I cope but it's helping. I'm not a particularly religious person and I'm actually agnostic but it's helping, like I said.
I don't really know what to say now. I'll leave you with a picture I posted to Instagram and the caption I posted with it the day I found out about his death. It was my own sort of tribute to Cory. 

My personal #candlelight tribute to Cory. I don't understand why you're gone, I don't think I ever will, but I will never forget you. Nor will I ever really get over your death. Even now, after hours of crying, I'm still breaking down every few minutes. I may not have known you personally but you were an incredible person and my heart breaks every time I think about what the world has lost. Rest In Peace Cory Monteith. Like you said, "Love is how you stay alive, even after you're gone." You'll never really die. Our eternal love for you will keep you alive in our hearts and minds.#RIPCoryMonteith #CoryMonteith #Glee#CandlesForCory #RestInPeace #PrayForLea #TragicYou took the midnight train going anywhere...#GoodbyeFrankenteen