This is one of my favourite quotes for a lot of reasons: it's true, it's short and sweet and it carries more weight than I believe was initially intended.
I've just turned 20 and I'm still relatively young but that doesn't mean I haven't experienced heartbreak. Thing is, I'm not talking about a guy; I'm talking about friends.
We've all been there; you have a friend that isn't really great for you and the friendship starts to suffer but you just can't call it quits for some reason.
For me, my last friendship breakup was extremely difficult. It started off being because I liked a guy and she didn't approve and turned into a disgusting breakup which I'm still trying to get over months later.
The initial problem was that she didn't think he was a great guy and I was still in that 'Oh he's so perfect and can't do anything wrong' phase of liking someone we all tend to go through in the beginning of something new. On reflection, I understand where she was coming to - to an extent - but it was when she started making me feel dirty after making out with him where I had to take a step back and say 'Hey. It is not okay for you to make me feel like that'.
I'm not perfect. I sometimes judge people, mentally, that I see on the streets while I'm out and think 'Bad outfit' or 'Strange hair' or whatever but you don't expect that from your friends. The point I made to her was that there are enough women hating on other women in this world and that's what got me upset. She didn't understand this and kept trying to justify her reasoning - even going to far as to say that she had older friends who would think it was disgusting. The blows got lower and lower until I had to call it and say 'Don't message me anymore'. But I kept it nice. This is a woman I've loved and appreciated for three years and I wished her the best in life. Originally, she'd said that we could be friends but she wasn't going to mention her personal life and I shouldn't mention mine but, as I said to her, that isn't a friendship. Friendship is about being raw and open and trusting someone to help you through the bad and good times.
So we stopped talking.
A couple months later, I sent her a message saying that I was sorry about what happened and that I hoped we could still be friends because I love her and the situation was bad. Unfortunately, I opened up to her and she spat back in my face. I showed my friend Roslyn the messages and she was disgusted. I stopped reading them as they got nastier and noticed she still wasn't getting my original point about women hating on women. The last message which Roslyn read was apparently vile. I didn't read it but I caught the last bit about me being young and immature.
The thing is that you can't pretend to be mature or decide you're more mature than someone just because you're older. We all have different experiences in life and they all shape who we are and who we become. Just because she's older than me, doesn't mean she's better and I think she is extremely immature. She even said she blocked me on social media and blocked my number. There are better ways to handle breakups and I respected her more than that.
Throughout my difficult lesson learning, I tried to be nice to her because I did love her and I missed her. She was a good friend to me for those years and I don't think you should forget that.
The problem is that she called me immature and nasty and a bully but she didn't accept the fact that her judgment of me over something that made me happy at the time really hurt me. I apologized and accepted that we were both wrong to let it escalate but she never apologized. She liked to say it was all my fault and she probably still believes that but, at the end of the day, I know I tried.
I learned a lot from that though.
While friendship breakups can be extremely painful, it's good to let go of people who are toxic and who don't make you feel good about yourself.
I'm not saying 'Only be friends with people who always agree with you' because that's ridiculous and unrealistic. What I'm saying is that you should only be friends with people who bring positivity and loyalty to your life. I disagree with my friends all the time but it's how you approach the disagreement and the situations that define your friendship. Never allow your friend to feel like you don't appreciate them because people can only take so much of that.
For me, I know I acted mature in that situation. After our initial argument, I never hit below the belt again. I tried to reason with her and accept that both of us were wrong but she was too stuck on her own, single-minded opinions and calling me names I didn't deserve.
However upsetting a friendship breakup is, you learn something from every one. I've never learnt more from a breakup than I have with my last one and, although I still miss her and wish her the best out of life, I'm glad we're not friends anymore. I have incredible friends who I treasure with all my heart and I'm so grateful for these people.
I only hope that she can accept that it wasn't all my fault one day.
I just don't know if she will.
'Life is only as good as those you get to share it with' - Darren Criss
Jessica
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment